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The one

D_James_A_Farafield

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Lately I've been having discussions with friends about whether or not you'll find the love of your life and if you do you would've taken it for granted and fucked it up. One friend actually said something to the effect that love is a chemical reaction in our brains making us believe we could fall in love. :biggrin1:

anyways, my question is do you guys believe in your lifetime that you'll find the one or is it just a bunch of crap and people just settle for 2nd best i guess.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I think that's more like lust at first site. I feel later when you get to know the person you'll see if there's a deeper connection making that person compatible for you in a relationship. But the thing is as my other friend said you'll know then if that's THE ONE. Is there such a thing? :confused:
 

LaFemme

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I think I found "the one" and I think he knew I was "the one" as well. But he couldn't deal. So that's it. Never again. No more, no how. It will be 9 months tomorrow since we ended it and it hurts as much today as it did then.

I can't do second best.
 

rbkwp

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THE ONE. Is there such a thing?

invariably
till the other THE ONE, comes along,no Guarantees in life, ive been told..
 

Fenris11

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Dan Savage says so much truth.
I do not believe in 'The One', I believe you will be in love more than once in your life and have your heart broken. It is just one of those things in life.
Sometimes people find someone that they can make things work with. I also believe people are too quick to give up these days.
First sign of being bored or not really feeling it anymore and people pack up and leave. People are not willing to work on putting that spark back into a relationship.
If you look back to your grandparents or great grandparents generation they stayed together through all sorts - World wars, recession, good times, bad times. It would not happen these days. Any strain on a relationship and people quit.
I believe 'the one' is just someone who is willing to stick it out for the long haul and deal with the ups and downs of life with you. And someone if is willing to over look, accept or help you change (some of) your flaws

Thats my humble opinion anyway
 

lottie

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I've being in love more than once (all long term relationships), don't believe in love at first sight and have never settled for someone, while waiting for something better. I'm very happy on my own or in a happy relationship, but not into staying around and trying to re-kindle once my feelings change. I did try in my younger years (now know not to) for a guy I'd lived with for just under 8 years, because I did love him, but my love had turned into a love for a very special family member, no longer as the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. To be honest it was because I did love him as a person, that I decided to leave, because he was ready to jump through hoops to make things better. But the fact is, once that feeling has gone, it's gone. I did feel guilty, as I knew it was nothing he'd done, so just let him buy me out of the house at a reduced figure, when he could, so as not to stretch himself financially or have to sell up.

We all change as lives moves on, university and developing careers, so our love choices change as time moves on. I'm very much a 1 woman man, never cheated or into NSA, but when I'm in love, he's the one for now. It's not that I'm thinking of replacing him at some point, but just can't see the point of staying together once/if feelings change.

I know some folk will find my comments harsh and they are likely to be the same folks who always give the reason for staying in a relationship because of shared mortgages, lifestyle etc. For example, the guys on here who accept a partner deciding that they will no longer have sexual relations with them. I view this in the same way as any other abuse/control in a relationship, unless there were definite medical reasons for no longer having sex. I mention this because, it's likely that folk who believe in the 1 and only love of their life, end up putting up with a whole range of bad behaviour, abuse or other control issues.
 

D_Mr_Ciao

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Wow I read your story guys and they are quite... Harsh! Maybe it's because I'm young,20 yo, but I strongly believe in the one. I think that someday some how I will find someone that complete me. Not someone like me, but someone that in his difference and way of living complete myself.

This year I was on grindr and I met up a guy completely random that was living miles away from me. He was not even suppose to show up but he did. He came down to my place, I took him to dinner, took him to the swimming pool... you know the all social thing. And It turned out that this guys love the same thing than me,video games, movies, music,books, economy,politics... we're like twins but we also have difference point of view (lots actually) And this guys also is on LPSG. so see it's so random, it's not planned but we share so many things and he makes me feel so happy that he completes me. He is the one for me and I do hope that I can live with him one day because he's like... my baby and I try to protect hims as much as i can.

Anyway what I meant is that there is defo someone to complete you, it's weird but somewhere in the world there is someone for you. The problem is that someone is not wait for you because that someone doesn't know you, that someone is there and you have to find out that someone .

Keep searching!!.
 

rsny845

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I believe in more than one "one". I have fallen in love - at first sight and over a long time - more than once. Tradition and life in general makes having more than one significant other difficult - though I don't see some of my "ones", I love them each still and loving each has taught me about loving the others. I'm not talking dozens - just three - so far. Love is not possession - its caring, attraction, compatibility, fun.
 

Phil Ayesho

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I think I found "the one" and I think he knew I was "the one" as well. But he couldn't deal. So that's it. Never again. No more, no how. It will be 9 months tomorrow since we ended it and it hurts as much today as it did then.

I can't do second best.



That pain is your proof of purchase, Femme.

Proof that you were all in.

And I don't care how much it hurts... I won't waste my time on any love that wouldn't break me in two to lose.

I have to be willing to risk it all, every time. Because that is where the greatest joy is found... right next to the greatest sorrow.


I will have all eternity to feel nothing, to know nothing.

I have just this brief moment to live and to love and to feel and I want the greatest intensity, the greatest attachment...
and the fact that, even if it lasts the rest of my life, it will be torn from me by death... so what?


Everything we have will be torn from us in some way, at some time.
And I would rather be shattered by that loss, than to have never treasured it, never appreciated it enough to be destroyed by giving it up.
 

MickeyLee

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i think there is a "one" for where you're at in your life.
y'all lives/loves cross over.. and ya just fit.
the secret is to realize what ya have to give, and what ya hope to get
to learn the lessons being handed to..
to grow as a person.. or to help someone become who they are going to be.

sometimes path diverge.
splitting apart doesn't invalidate lovage/growth/time

to me thinking *admittedly a bit addled*
if more folks allowed a lover to grow..
instead of resentments
more happiness all around



unless ya are the Highlander...
then..
there can be only one!
 
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Phil Ayesho

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You can only find the love of your life in retrospect.

No matter how great and close and perfect it feels at the beginning, the One great love of your life only happens if Both people happen to be able to grow, further, together, after that first rush of infatuation is over.


I have met women I thought might be the one... but time proved, to my chagrin, that they were not gonna grow in the same directions that I did, and the fine rapport faded with time.

I am now with a woman that, in retrospect, is far more likely to be the ONE than my priors ever were... but that is largely because I have much more experience, self knowledge, and wisdom regarding what kind person best suits me and is likely to keep pace with me, as she also has the years to better understand what Kind of man is best suited to her.

I believe there is love that offers everything you could hope for... as long as your hopes are within reason, and understood by both you and your mate.
 

HFOStimmer

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If there is one person for me, he probably lives very far away or hundreds of years ago. I've been looking for the right one for over 30 years. No luck.
 

BigD_2

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There's over 6 billion people in the world. I've no doubt that out there, somewhere, is the absolute perfect match for me - THE ONE. But, I don't have the time or the energy to search the entire world looking, and besides, they might not even speak my language! So when I've met guys and dated, I've accepted that they may not be THE ONE but if the relationship works, and they put up with my BS and I put up with theirs, and we care about and enjoy each other, I'm not sure what difference it makes to me that Out There Somewhere is THE ONE.
 

TrueShot

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XKCD made a "What if?" on the subject of the existence of "The One" that kinda sums it up.

Soul Mates

I love me some XKCD. I'm in my early/mid 20s and hearing people of any age talk about "the one" is probably just as annoying as listening to people rattle on about astrology. It's one of those examples of people throwing critical thinking completely out the window.
 

jimfin25

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I dont think there is such a thing, its only someone who you have a lot in common with & are also at the same level of investment in the relationship. In many theres always 1 person for whom the relationship is worth more & they are a bit clingy.

Throw money/sex/relationship issues in there over time & its a crap shoot.