The Opposite Sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by millionman, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. millionman

    millionman Active Member

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    Well, I've never been one to attempt to understand the opposite sex. However, I am looking for some insight into understanding the difference between what a woman says and what she wants. I've run across a few women recently that say "I need space" and when they get the space they ask for, then it's "Why haven't I heard from you" my favorite thus far "you must not really care since you've just stopped talking to me". Maybe it's just me and being 22 but I've always been one to say what I mean and mean what I say, so I'm a bit perplexed by this oddity of their words and then their desires. I'm not one for games either, although I can say that one of these girls does have some troubles of her own and it was my idea to give her the time to work it out, but I've called and made contact fairly infrequently. She's the one that's really driving me nuts but what can you do? Anyway, I'm just looking for some help from anyone that would care to offer it up.
     
  2. DC_DEEP

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    (Caveat: this is intended as both serious and humorous)

    If you really loved her, you would learn to read her mind.
     
  3. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    Being contradictory and elusive isn't confined to just the female gender.
     
  4. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    No, that's not it. I haven't been 22 for a long time, but the mystery persists.
     
  5. Ethyl

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    I don't advocate emotional game-playing. I believe in saying exactly what I mean but i've learned I can't expect this from everyone else. Have you asked her why she keeps calling you after asking for space? Women like feeling wanted and needed but since she asked to be left alone, you should hold her to what she says or ask her for an explanation.
     
  6. His Ten

    His Ten New Member

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    I'm no expert, but if a female is telling you she needs space, chances are she's found (or is interested in) someone else but doesn't have the balls (ha!) to tell you. And if she then tells you that she's wondering why you're not calling, then she probably wants to keep you hanging in the event the other doesn't work out. We want everything. We want our cake and we want to eat it too. That's just who we are. Men are no different. I've learned that if a guy says he needs space, he's already screwing someone but doesn't want to be perceived as a bad guy who broke up the relationship. Let's face it, if either one says space is needed, there's something really wrong to begin with.... and nothing good can come of giving it. Things will never be the same. Sounds like your lady isn't ready for a monogamous relationship. Just my opinion...
     
  7. Totally Twisted

    Totally Twisted New Member

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    I completely agree, good post His Ten :smile:
     
  8. millionman

    millionman Active Member

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    Well, to be clear it was me that decided that we didn't need to be together at the time because she had just gotten out of a long term relationship. On the one hand she was the one talking about having a family and this progressed to us getting married, we actually discussed the possibility. I can pretty much say with 100% certainty that she's not with someone else, at least not physically because she has serious problems with sex. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if out of comfort she went back to her ex, but that doesn't seem feasible either. I've been told by more than one woman that she really likes me but that she realizes that she needs to work through some stuff, and although part of her wants me around the other part knows that she needs the time to work through her problems. It's a pretty complicated problem, and I guess the strange thing about it is that the last time we spoke to each other it was for more than an hour and a half and we were laughing and carrying on, and then when I call her 3 weeks later I haven't heard back from her.

    I guess it's roll on to the next stop. I really enjoyed spending time with her, and she was really the first girl in 4 years that I thought was worth actually being with pretty regularly. See trouble is that I'm awful picky with who I spend my time with and I really did go above and beyond what I thought I was capable of. I was very thoughtful and generous with my time and I did dote on her a bit and I truly enjoyed just spending time with her. I have always attempted to be balanced and not come across as needing her but wanting her, and I don't feel that I over did anything. I could be wrong, but then again her last bf never gave her anything for her birthday, v-day, or any other holiday either. Maybe I was a bit too much for her, but she told me she loved me and that she wanted to be with me and next thing I know I am where I'm at now, wondering if I should give her a call or just leave it alone and walk away.
     
  9. millionman

    millionman Active Member

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    Wow, do you ever read an old post and wonder why the hell you thought something was so important? Well, it just happened to me. This was such a disappointing situation, but it was what it was and as they say life goes on. It's just pitiful when I look back on it.
     
  10. goodwood

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    millionman - i have to tell ya...at my advanced age the mystery persists. I have no fucking idea. If you find anything out to solve this mystery, please report back.
     
  11. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    If all contact is initiated by you, I say move on. There's a common courtesy that seems to be missing in your relationship, and if you have truly been a good BF, I think she should show you some respect and appreciation.

    I feel your pain on this, as I have been in a similar situation. It is kind of like she really hasn't hurt you or been super clear that she isn't into you, so you do not know where you stand. Right? If you need to, give her one last call and tell her you like her but aren't going to chase her, and then when she still doesn't call, her inaction will speak for her. Or, realize that she has already disrespected you and open yourself up to someone else entering your life.
     
  12. tiggerpoo

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    Well, at my advanced age of 61, I'm in the same boat: the wonderful mystery persists.:wink: And the more beautiful the girl the more mysterious she is.

    But I've stopped trying to understand my beautiful gf - I just love her. :biggrin1:
     
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