The origin of shyness

[Axcess]

I'm a shy guy since as far as I remember . I wonder what are the causes of this condition ? : Hereditary ? Overprotection by parents ?
I hate my situation because of this I don't have many friends . Of course isn't a coincidence that some of my friends are somewhat shy or introverted too. Any thoughts from some enlightened members on the subject ?

 

[Mem]

I also tend to be shy. Some of it probably comes from insecurity. I think that it is hereditary. I tend to be shy at first, but then once I am comfortable I am not. I also found that the older you get the less you care about what people think of you, so you tend to be less shy. I also get uncomfortable with people who are too outgoing to the point of being loud and obnoxious.

 

[Principessa]

Not a clue. I've been shy since I was a small child. :redface:

 

[Axcess]

I also tend to be shy. Some of it probably comes from insecurity. I think that it is hereditary. I tend to be shy at first, but then once I am comfortable I am not. I also found that the older you get the less you care about what people think of you, so you tend to be less shy. I also get uncomfortable with people who are too outgoing to the point of being loud and obnoxious.

Some people can hide their shyness better than others . In my case most people don't realize that I'm shy .

 

[violet23]

Some people can hide their shyness better than others . In my case most people don't realize that I'm shy .

Yeah I totally get you. Most people really don't think I'm shy but in actuality I think I have severe social anxiety. I really don't like large crowds and I mostly keep to myself as I really don't relate to most people it seems. But when I need to get things done I can put it aside.

 

[_avg_]

What causes shyness? You.



(Think about it)

 

[whatireallywant]

I think there are several causes. I actually think hereditary is the least of the causes (but then I'm a "Biology is not destiny" person - don't worry, though, I do NOT think sexual orientation is a choice...)

In my case, it's pretty much pinpointed. I was not shy as a preschooler or even in my first few years of elementary school. It was just after being picked on by nearly all the other kids and even some of the teachers for every little thing I said or did, even down to the way I talked and the way I walked, that MADE me shy. I had a problem with people being hostile to me because of my views on things (I still have a problem with this - it's why I'm extremely hesitant to talk about politics - most people I've known have had views that were polar opposite of mine - and were very, er..., forceful in letting everyone know that fact!)

Also, being seen as not good at anything caused me a lot of anxiety that has had a disastrous effect to me in my career. I did have one steady job that lasted quite a while but when I was laid off from it, it was back to the old "can't get or keep a job" routine. I do get temp jobs but haven't had a steady job in 4 years.

And, oddly enough for a shy person, I have no problem with crowds, as long as we're not packed like sardines (in which case it's more claustrophobia than shyness that kicks in - I'm 5'3" and can't breathe when packed like sardines around people who are mostly taller than me.) If I don't have to personally interact with them, I don't mind crowds. I love concerts and music and ethnic festivals, and those are often crowded. (Haven't been to any in a while though - not many of them are free!) But yeah, my problem is when I have to actually interact with people - afraid I'll say the wrong thing and they'll be hostile toward me or something like that. And in my case, age has NOT affected my caring what other people think. I'm 46 and I care just as much about what other people think of me as I did when I was 16.

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

I'm shy enough to have been put on medication for Anxiety.

 

[_avg_]

I'm shy enough to have been put on medication for Anxiety.

....AND...???

[/massive cliffhanger]

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

....AND...???

[/massive cliffhanger]

And it made me feel great! Great enough that I felt I didn't need them anymore, quit cold turkey (big mistake), and slipped back into my old habits. I felt like I needed to be on them again a few months ago, but I worked it out in my head and with counseling to where I feel I have a better handle on things. I probably still need them, but can't afford them right now. The stuff I was on was over $100 a month, even on insurance.

 

[earllogjam]

Has it ever occured to you that shy people may actually PREFER to be alone?

 

[Principessa]

I'm shy enough to have been put on medication for Anxiety.

I wasn't aware that being shy equaled the need for anti-anxiety meds?

And it made me feel great! Great enough that I felt I didn't need them anymore, quit cold turkey (big mistake), and slipped back into my old habits. I felt like I needed to be on them again a few months ago, but I worked it out in my head and with counseling to where I feel I have a better handle on things. I probably still need them, but can't afford them right now. The stuff I was on was over $100 a month, even on insurance.

Hmm, that's a common mistake in bipolar people. As for the cost of your prescription, you need much better health insurance. That's just ridiculous!

 

[whatireallywant]

Has it ever occured to you that shy people may actually PREFER to be alone?

There are varying degrees of this. Yes, some shy people do prefer to be alone, and there's nothing wrong with that.

There are introverts, who come across as shy, but who just feel more energized when alone. A lot of people think this is hard wired, but I'm hesitant to say that much of behavior is hard wired because of certain aspects of those theories that I have serious problems with.

There are also shy extroverts - people who really would prefer to be with others, but who are shy due to life experiences. These are the people who often have a lot of anxiety and problems.

I'm somewhere in between myself. I didn't start out life shy. I became shy due to life experiences. On all the Myers-Briggs tests and other tests like that, I test out as an introvert, but I like social activities as well. I just have some anxiety, not so much anymore because of the same reasons I had as a child. Now it has more to do with my unconventional views and fear of being bashed for them (And it has happened before, so I have precedent for this!), plus I hate arguing politics and stuff like that. I also have some fear that I will say the wrong thing, that will be taken the wrong way by people - and that has precedent as well. Sometimes what I say comes out all wrong.

 

[whatireallywant]

I wasn't aware that being shy equaled the need for anti-anxiety meds?


Hmm, that's a common mistake in bipolar people. As for the cost of your prescription, you need much better health insurance. That's just ridiculous!

Yeah... but health insurance costs money too... This is why we need guaranteed health care for all people, that won't cost those people an arm and a leg. (I won't get more into that because this is one of my views that I am likely to get bashed for...)

And, if the shyness is due to anxiety, yes, maybe it does require anti-anxiety meds in some cases. (My shyness is due to anxiety, but I can't take anti-anxiety meds because they cause me to sleep 20 hours a day and have brain-fuzz the other 4 hours that I'm actually about halfway awake... I have severe reactions to meds that have the side effect of drowsiness.)

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

I wasn't aware that being shy equaled the need for anti-anxiety meds?


Hmm, that's a common mistake in bipolar people. As for the cost of your prescription, you need much better health insurance. That's just ridiculous!

Well the meds did help if it was just shyness. It certainly made me less shy!

 

[Viking_UK]

I suppose self-awareness and self-esteem are part of it. I wasn't shy till I went to school. It's amazing how destructive a few years of bullying and/or criticism can be to your personality.

I'm nowhere near as bad now as I used to be, although I prefer not to stand out from a crowd. Saying that, when I have to do it, I can, or at least up to a point. I've been on TV, acted and sung on stage in front of large and small crowds, done presentations in front of royalty, not to mention the nude modelling and porn. The thing with those is that it's not really 'me'. It's like a costume I put on when I've got to do stuff like that, if that makes any sense, a bit of escapism. In everyday life, I hardly ever speak to people I don't know and I tend to be awkward socially, so I tend to try to blend into the background - which can be difficult at times when you're 6'2" with waist length blond hair!