The penis and male identity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_henry miller, Jan 7, 2008.

  1. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    Just a little thought I had.

    I've just noticed that there are a lot of posts on this forum about straight guys being interested in others' penises, straight guys admitting that they are fascinated by the penis of others, and questions about proper locker room behavior.

    I started this thread to ask women if they have similar issues. So far, only one woman has responded. But she said what I had suspected for some time: that women are able to compliment one another, admit to seeing beauty in one another, without it having any bearing on their perception of themselves as heterosexuals:
    http://www.lpsg.org/73237-do-women-have-hang-ups.html

    I think that another thing that makes this all complicated for men is that the penis is likely more central to the male identity than the breasts or vagina are to the feminine identity. I mean, we males are OBSESSED with our penises. We just are. I don't think women are nearly as obsessed with their own privates as we are with our own.

    I think that the obsession a man has for his own penis can't help but lead to a type of interest in other men's penises. Not that the interest has to lead to sexual contact.

    As for me, I want no sexual contact with another man. If I wanted it, I could have it easily. BUT ... it's an unusual thing. Very strange, but I feel as though when I see another penis, I see myself -- almost like it's a mirror where I see myself. And so it is fascinating for me that other men have a penis. It's like they have part of me attached to them. I suppose Jung would describe this as "transpersonal." Perhaps another word would be "empathy." There's actually a lot of suffering regarding the penis. (e.g., Am I big enough? Do I play with it too much? Am I wrong for being circumcised? Am I wrong for not being circumcised?, etc.) And it's interesting, even moving, for me to know that others have suffered as I have. Also, because this is such a taboo topic (men often suffer in silence because we're not suppose to talk about our pain, because it's not "manly"), it's moving to know that others suffer in silence as well.

    Anyway, in closing, I remember reading that the Romans used to use the word "fascinum" to refer to their penis, and this is the root of the word "fascinate." So, men have been fascinated with the penis for millennia. Come to think of it, phallus symbols are millennia old as well. Maybe this fascination that straight men on this forum are talking about is just the sort of fascination that drove men in millennia past to build phallus symbols. But those men were working in an era when being fascinated with the penis didn't bear on the perception of your sexuality. (They were also working in an era when these rigid sexual categories didn't even exist.)

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

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    When I've thought about what having a penis must be like I've wondered if it's both the part of a man's body that he's most intimately connected to and invested in and also the part of his body that's most distant to him. It has a mind of it's own and it makes constant demands on him. Many women have trouble separating sex and affection, but most men can happily compartmentalise sex and affection in the same way that their penis is almost an external part of their body. When kids are being potty trained they're told pee is dirty and it's easy for a little girl to pee without having any contact with her vagina but a little boy has to handle his penis to pee so that must set up a weird dichotomy in a child's mind. I think boy's usually find that their dick can be a source of pleasure long before girls did (my little boy and the little boys of my friends certainly did) so their early association of their penis with pleasure must make it sort of 'their best friend'. We joke about men having two brains but in part it's true, many men seem to be unable to think straight when their cock takes over and even have a pet name for their dick as if it has it's own identity. I never find the fascination with other mens dicks strange, I love pretty shoes, I love all pretty shoes, if a man loves his own dick why wouldn't he love looking at other dicks?

    Just rambling really :)
     
  3. DC_DEEP

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    Hmm, I would have thought that if the ancient Romans referred to the penis as "fascinum," it referred to fascia (Latin for bundle) rather than fascinare (Latin for "to bewitch).

    As for the identity thing, no. While a penis is indeed a fascinating thing, mine in no way defines me or my self-image, nor does it help or hinder me in identifying with anyone else.
     
  4. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    I think that for a lot of men, the penis represents power. A man is attracted to the idea of his own power.

    I think that maybe their is a feeling of defeat if a man feels an interest in a penis that is attached to another man. YOUR penis is supposed to be the end-all-be-all! It is suppose to be powerful enough and supply you with enough to keep you occupied, no time left over for a need to be fascinated with another's penis.
     
  5. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    With all due respect, you're not a straight man.

    This thread was geared toward straight men and the difficulties we have with this issue.

    It sort of goes without saying that gay men wouldn't have these issues.

     
  6. D_Earlsomme Eatsprick

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    A very interesting question.
    When you SEE another person take a sort of action, for example moving an arm, your brain activate some of the same neurons ("mirror neurons") involved in that action made by yourself. It is as if YOU are taking the same action you are seeing. This explain why it is easier doing something after you saw another person doing the same: the neuronal way was already drive along time before.
    So when you see a cock, or a porno movie, it is a little as if you are in the scene, or if you are the owner of the penis - neuronally speacking :rolleyes:
    This is also the biological origin of the empathy.

    Sorry for my difficult to tell it in english :tongue:
     
  7. DC_DEEP

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    Grammar aside, if you are saying what I think you are saying, you really should get some counseling.

    So many of your posts are rife with misconceptions about homosexuality in particular, and human sexuality in general.

    There are gay men as well as straight men who have deep-seated psychological issues tying their penis to their own self-esteem. I just happen to be one of those who thinks that what's between the ears is more important than what's between the legs.

    I understand what you mean with some of that; when I see man with a penis that is considerably different in size than mine (larger or smaller) I do wonder what it feels like, for him, when he strokes it or whatever. But for me, it's just a passing curiosity, not an obsession.

    I do have straight friends who are not obsessed with their own penises, or those of anyone else.
     
  8. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    True!
     
  9. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    Sorry about the misspellings. I corrected them in the original post.

    I think you are revealing unfortunate things about your own character to say such a thing about me (that I need counseling).

     
  10. crescendo69

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    Oh, here we go..
     
  11. 5 1/2

    5 1/2 Member

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    I'm straight but I have always been fascinated with cocks bigger than mine. This is simply due to my own insecurity of knowing that women really do want to be filled and that I don't measure up to do that.
    When having sex, I'd love to have my girl reeling in pleasure instead of closing her eyes and using her imagination or just smiling at me. It would also be nice to give her a vaginal orgasm instead of clitoral.
    It can also be difficult to commit to a relationship, knowing that she's missing out on great sex with another adequately hung guy. Or maybe she isn't and I don't know about it. It's happened to me numerous times.
    I've got everything going for me as far as looks, body, income, sense of humour, talking to women, etc, but my dick leaves me feeling so inferior.
    So that's my reason for being straight and interested in other men's cocks.
     
  12. Axcess

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    Great post . I agree 100 % . The most important thing to remember is that men don't have enough blood to both heads. When their dick is erected the head above can't work well because don't have enough blood.:biggrin1::biggrin1:
     
  13. midlifebear

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    DC_Deep is wise and wins the prize.
     
  14. DC_DEEP

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    There's nothing unfortunate about my own character. I'm just saying I think there's some pathology going on, if you ascribe that much magical power to a body part. I really don't understand how you think a healthy mind can believe that a man's "source of power" is his penis. If you are going to pass that off as a gay/straight issue, and the "source of power" crap is only for straight men, then please explain to me what a "gay man's source of power" is supposed to be, if not the penis? Fabulous shoes? Well-waxed-and-groomed eyebrows?

    I'm sorry if the fact that you, and other men, all have penises, is a source of angst for you. I will not apologize for my assertion that it's not healthy. It is not.

    My hair is thinning. It doesn't really bother me that much, but if I could wave the magic wand and have thicker hair again, yes, I would. I won't take drugs or get implants for it, but yeah, given the choice, I would choose for it not to fall out. Do I get a twinge of jealousy when I see other men my age with a thick head of hair (like my partner)? Yeah. Does it cause me any angst? Not at all. Do I measure my masculinity and sense of self on a single body part, and not my whole self? No fucking way.
     
  15. Quite Irate

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    in b4 Freud.
     
  16. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    Thanks for the interesting response.

     
  17. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    If you are five and a half inches, you really have nothing to be ashamed of. Average is six inches. Actually, I think average is from 5.5 to 6.5, so you're average, actually.

     
  18. B_starinvestor

    B_starinvestor New Member

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    I played football in college - there were over 100 guys on the team. That was 15 years ago. If someone asked me now about 98 of those guys, I couldn't tell you anthing about their penises. There were a couple exceptionally large guys that I do remember. I believe that since it was something that was abnormal; I couldn't help but look, almost as if my eyes were drawn that way. I think its like anything else, if you see something abnormal, you tend to look at it more and it leaves an impression. Aside from that, I don't spend much time thinking about other guys' packages.
     
  19. B_henry miller

    B_henry miller New Member

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    Interesting response. Thanks.
     
  20. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    Have told the story in other threads, but I had no interest in other guys in H.S. or college...wasn't curious, wasn't interested in experimenting. As a freshman in college, I was on the swim team. If I looked at anything when we were showering after practice or meets, it was another guy's torso and 6-pack. That's what turned me on...the idea that by the time I was a senior, given workouts and weight training...that maybe, just maybe I could look like them. All that changed after our team party. The most polite way of putting it was that two of the seniors whom I most admired got their way with me. Still after nearly 20 years, I can't identify the exact reason why I ended up sandwiched between two of the most masculine guys and teammates that I knew....too much alcohol, the idea of them finally accepting me dispite my faults (not trying my best, letting the coach or team down with my times or places, among other taunts) or gawd knows what. In a lot of ways, I curse that day...why? Mainly cause it was the focal point of things to come related to the fact that my cock in more ways than one would define who I am.
     
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