The perils of parenthood

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Rubenesque, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. Rubenesque

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    This is something most parents, of children old enough to speak, will understand.

    Several years ago when my little angel was about 3 her grandparents bought her some Winnie the Pooh undies. The first time she wore them we went shopping to the local supermarket and, as always, had to go to my daughters favourite cashier, Pat. The shopping was being scanned, and I was minding my own business, when suddenly.... my delightful darling said at the top of her voice "Pat, I've got pooh on my knickers". I swear the eyes of every shopper turned to seek out the disgrace for a mother bringing her child out in dirty under crackers! lol

    So, have your children ever made you wish the earth would open up and swallow you?
     
  2. dreamer20

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    Hmmm. A parent feeling like they could go under the earth, eh?:rolleyes:

    Denise I shall have to go back a generation and relate a tale that occured when my brother and I were small children. I shall refer to my brother as Dick 20.

    Our family had gone to the beach,with another family I believe. My brother, Dick, and I were in the water with some of the others. Someone asked my mom when will she come into the water? She said she wasn't ready yet. Mom believed that one shouldn't swim immediately after eating. Did I tell you that she cannot swim at all? It appeared that she would remain on the beach looking glamourous and perhaps if she stalled long enough she would not have to take a dip that day.
    Again the question was asked of her by someone "Mrs. 20, When are you coming in the water?"
    After that question was asked my very helpful brother said this as loudly as he could, as this matter was extremely important,
    "Momma! If you're coming in the water, take off your wig!"

    Mom was mortified of course. But she was destined to laugh whenever she chose to recount this tale.
     
  3. Rubenesque

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    LOL dreamer!!

    When I was very young, about 5 or so, I was visiting my aunt who is a hairdresser. She was cutting a middle aged female clients hair at the time and apparently (although I don't remember) I stood next to the poor woman and said "I hope when I'm grown up I've big fat legs like you!"

    The lesson of that tale is to be careful what you bloody well hope for, because do now have big fat legs haha!!

    My aunt was mortified that her client had been insulted and I was never allowed to visit while she worked again.
     
  4. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    the pain behind your eyes
    Well, to start off with about your daughter, she was young, and really didn't know how to express herself, so I would have just dismissed it as being young.

    Now, when I was 20 or so, I borrowed my mother's '84 Dodge charger hatchback to pick up my sister & her friend. & my little brother was in the car as well. Consequently, her friend's driveway had a big ugly tree at the end which i didn't see. You can pretty much infer what happened; I backed up & hit it. The charger had a rubber bumper & pretty much absorbed the impact & no damage had happened.

    So,me & my sister swore my brother to secrecy under penalty of getting the living shit beat outta him on his 18th birthday if he told mom. But, sometime later,(I'm not sure of the timeframe, call it the future.:confused:) my brother & my mother were getting ready to depart for someplace when he observed of the car, "Good thing we got-rubber bumpers!" Curious, my mother asked why he said that, he replied, "I'm not supposed to tell!" Well, soon enough, his eight year old promise dissolved under my mother's promise of an instant punishment as opposed to our future one.

    Not surprisingly nowadays, any and all secrets that need to be kept under wraps he never hears.
     
  5. Rubenesque

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    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK - I wasn't complaining about my daughter saying what she did, I was just embarrassed at the time, now I think it's hilarious!
     
  6. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    Like that time I threw up on that girl when we were having sex...its piss funny now :)
     
  7. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    I bet that's what she says to her therapist too. :rolleyes:
     
  8. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

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    lol, I once drooled on a girl's ass while I was fucking her in doggy.

    I once had a nasty nosebleed while eating out my gf, and we didn't know if it was from me or her!

    I have had many instances that my parent did something that made me want to disappear. My dad loved to make scenes out of abusing my brother and I in public places...

    Honestly I think it's automatically wrong for any parent to feel embarrassed by their kid. The situation described by the first post, while amusing, is sophomoric in humor and not what I would consider an attention-grabbing taboo.
     
  9. Rubenesque

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    Jesus, talk about ruining a lighthearted thread looking for funny stories by being all serious and trying to sound clever!

    Go and have a little lie down and come back when your sense of humour has reappeared!

    ps.... MY post was 'sophomoric'? Ohhhhhh the irony!
     
  10. dreamer20

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    Would you consider Barbara Bush to be an exception to your rule?:rolleyes:
     
  11. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    I know that, and so was the story about my brother since my mom found out about it the way he told her.
     
  12. jakeatolla

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    A while back while driving with the family, someone cut us off and i cursed under my breath " you fucking idiot "

    My 2 1/2 year old daughter was in her car seat at the back of our mini van,
    and I said it quietly enough , thinking she wouldn't hear me.

    Well a few days go by, and my wife takes the kids shopping with my mother in law.And doesn't my precious little angel pipe up and say "That guys a fucking idiot !!!" and then laughs hysterically.

    Then she says " My daddy taught me that "
     
  13. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

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    Now that's funny, lol.
     
  14. Hungrey

    Hungrey New Member

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    On a bus, not lots of people on but mostly older lady shopper type. A wee boy about 6 suddenly stood on the seat beside his dad (about 30 yo) and said in a loud voice " Dad, will I have a big willy like you on day" The sniggers and hands to mouths were really funny.
     
  15. Shelby

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    On a road trip to visit the inlaws we stopped at a bar my wife and I used to frequent in college. When we were leaving she insisted that we get something to eat before setting off on the roughly 3 hour trip to our destination.

    The next morning when I politely declined the breakfast offered by her mother my 5 year old pipes up, "Dad, you have to eat so you don't drive crazy.":tongue:
     
  16. jakeatolla

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    My brothers ex gf married some hick from the middle of no where,
    and proceeded to breed like a bunny rabbit. A few years later the
    hick is driving around , kids in the back of the car and he's been drinking.
    Long story short, he gets pulled over by a cop who asks him if he's been
    drinking. He says "Why no officer, I have'nt." To which his 3 year old
    daughter replies ' Thats not true daddy, you have been drinking. '
    Needless to say he got popped for DUI.
     
  17. scottsimms

    scottsimms New Member

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    "Mommy, my pussy is itchy.

    He keeps on scratching the post."
     
  18. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

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    The lesson here is not to drink and drive with smart-aleck kids in the car :rolleyes:.
     
  19. acidjazzz

    acidjazzz New Member

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    My parents knew that they had to stop swearing when they first put me behind the wheel of a car, I hit the horn 3 times and yelled "ASSHOLE!"
    My dad was telling that story a few years ago to some friends at a party and a little kid ran by, yelling at the top of his lungs "ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE SUN OF A BITCH!!!"
     
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