The Power of Ignoring

[Male Bonding etc]

Okay, we all know that some people, who for some reasons known or unknown to perhaps only themselves, come here to lie, fake, provoke, and/or insult.

It bothers many of us because we find in this site opportunities to grow, to share, to confide, and to even inspire others. Our knee jerk reaction is to expose the liars and fakes and to pound on the provocateurs and insulters. Instead, we might consider the benefits of ignoring. They are multiple:

1. People hate to be ignored, and much of their unacceptable behavior is a misguided attempt to get attention. While the unacceptable attempts may increase as they find themselves ignored, they will eventually moderate their behavior or move on.
2. Our own equilibrium is better maintained when we avoid "lowering" ourselves to such levels and maintain our own integrity.
3. Sometimes pointing out exactly how we spotted the lie or the fake, the illogic or inconsistency we clue the individuals in to how they can be better at lying, faking, provoking or insulting. It is not always possible or adviseable or conscientious to ignore, but when we do address those with problematic behavior, we should avoid providing them with tips on how to better fool or provoke us.
4. Negativity is a magnet, and we can get stuck to it while it saps our energy. Move away from it instead of letting it attract you.

Thoughts?

 

[B_Swimming Lad]

All very true. Whom do you wish to ignore?

 

[str82fcuk]

I think you are mostly correct ... except excessive ignoring can morph into enabling ...

 

[Male Bonding etc]

[to Swimming Lad]
LOL... not you, dear lad. I enjoyed seeing your transition a while back and rather like your pictures, as well.

[to str8]
"except excessive ignoring can morph into enabling ..." True, too. So, how do we recognize the difference?

Clearly there are times when individuals have benefited from being called on their misdeeds.

 

[Mem]

I agree, I had some people on here who were bothering me and trying to bait me, I ignored them and they went away. Even if it is only a temporary fix it is a good thing.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

In some ways I agree, pointing out how we know people are fakers just teaches people how to be better fakers, but I see ignoring as accepting. Trolls are often here for a reaction and attention and if we answer them we give it to them, this can escalate their behaviour but the alternative, to let them carry on their attacks is one I find hard to go with. Trolls may be trolls but behind every troll is a real person, they're often trolling because they feel it's the only way they can get the amount of attention they want, despite their often voiced dismissal of the criticism they get I believe it often does get through to them. I never viewed Mem as a troll, some people did, he's now become a fixture here and he's cooled down a lot so people that are viewed as trolls by some can be changed if we tell them what we feel about them.

The second point about not lowering ourselves - I'd bet a lot of people would feel much better by just letting rip and telling the trolls what they really feel f words included If we see things go by that we disagree with and don't state our feelings it can often result in a feeling of general pent up anger. It might be the more adult thing to take the moral high ground, it's the more human thing to tell someone their behaviour is getting on one's tits.

Fakes will always be with us, and I think they particularly effect women on sites like these. We're actually putting our naked bodies up for judgement and hopefully a positive reaction - why should we have to compete with some tosser who's just waltzed in with a load of stolen pics. We're here for attention, it would be silly to deny it, it should be the genuine people who are getting the attention not the scummy fakes. When fakes are exposed their continued faking shouldn't be tolerated, they're outed in a thread, the thread drops from the front page and once again they're accepted as real, I don't find it acceptable to be watching someone lie and be rewarded for those lies.

Having said that, this will be the last time I comment on fakes, if people are stupid enough to swallow fakery, stupid enough to carry on communicating with a fake as if they were an honest person that's their lookout.

 

[B_Swimming Lad]

LOL... not you, dear lad. I enjoyed seeing your transition a while back and rather like your pictures, as well.

Glad to hear it. :redface:

 

[Not_Punny]

As an aside, despite what some people thought, mem was NEVER a troll. (kisses, mem).


- - - - - -

I tried for a while trying to get people to "play nice" -- and I just pissed people off even more.

So, I take the high ground.

And instead of getting pissed off if someone says something that I think is stupid (or, heaven forbid, disagrees with me), I look upon it as an opportunity to....

-grow in character
-practice patience
-accumulate more weapons so that someday I can hunt the #$*&#$ mutha fucka DOWN! :biggrin1:

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

I wonder about the fakers. Living out fantasies online with fantastical stories. Yet people believe them. Even when the pictures in their galleries are thumbnail sized (~150x150px) and/or quite obviously from a porn site. And I think WTF.

I think these fakers and pretenders should be banned or at least outed. But I don't want to appear like a party pooper.

I have no one on my ignore list, but if I see certain usernames, I disregard the posts beneath them.

I also don't get people like Just Joe who have been outed many times yet carry on as though no one is any the wiser

Some really crazy people on here. I'm crazy myself but not crazy enough to fake an entire persona. It's hard enough being me never mind me and someone else too :tongue:

 

[Mem]

As an aside, despite what some people thought, mem was NEVER a troll. (kisses, mem).
- - - - -

thanks, baby...:kiss:.

and thank you SP for you kind words.:wink:

I was never a troll, but I was a post whore and a poll whore.:biggrin1: and I did get caught knee deep in the hoopla.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I think you listened to what people said Mem, always a good quality

 

[36DD]

I've never thought you were a troll either Mem, though some of your polls did bother me, but that was on me...I didn't have to go there.

 

[agnslz]

...

I also don't get people like Just Joe who have been outed many times yet carry on as though no one is any the wiser

...

You mean this Just_Joe? If so, count me as one who was none the wiser.

 

[Male Bonding etc]

I guess the thing is that we often have a sense when someone is faking. Rather than bait those people or search for where they've stolen their pictures (I really don't have that kind of time), I'm comfortable enough engaging them regarding topics on which they seem to have expressed a sincere thought. In my mind that engagement validates what they are doing that is worthwhile and hopefully steers them away from what is damaging.

 

[Jovial]

I guess this is relevant. I notice often that someone (usually a relatively new member) starts a "troll like" thread and a well established member immediately posts "troll!" which of course starts a big debate mixed in with serious responses. So, yes, in this case I think it is better to just ignore the troll and not give him what he wants (attention). There are a few members that do this (feed the trolls).

 

[Male Bonding etc]

Well, a couple of members I've communicated with and who shall remain nameless have been accused of being fake. I have no certainty that ANY member here is real OR fake, except for in those circumstances when proof has been produced and confessions obtained. I would simply caution others to be wary of anyone who seems "too good to be true." Those people do exist, but so do the fakers.

It really is so much more satisfying to communicate about things at levels that are harder to fake.

 

[Male Bonding etc]

Oh, and sadly, the fakers do seem to be in greater supply than the true-blue too-good-to-be-true ones!

 

[Guy-jin]

I already practice ignoring people who deserve to be ignored and it works like a charm. If everyone did so, it would pretty much handle the trolls and fakers on its own. :smile:

I tried for a while trying to get people to "play nice" -- and I just pissed people off even more.

So, I take the high ground.

Same here! Everything looks better from up here, don't they?

 

[Male Bonding etc]

Guy-jin, I'm glad you joined the site, and I am pretty confident I won't ever feel a need to ignore you!