The priest and the vodka

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK, Apr 5, 2011.

  1. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,012
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. The monsignor had earlier advised him to put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water on the pulpit and take a sip when he get uptight. That Sunday the priest had taken the monsignor's advice, and whenever he felt anxious delivering the sermon, he took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office, he found this note on his door.
    "Your sermon went well with the exception of the following;"
    1) There are ten commandments, not 12
    2) There are 12 disciples, not ten.
    3) Jesus was consecrated, not "constipated."
    4)Jacob wagered on his donkey, he did not "Bet his ass>"
    5)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as "the late J.C."
    6)When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say, "He was stoned off his ass."
    7)When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
    8)The Virgin Mary is not referred to as "Mary with the cherry."
    10)Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling at St. Taffy's
    11)We do not refer to the cross as "the big t"
    And last but not least;
    12) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
     
    #1 MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK, Apr 5, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2011
    AlteredEgo likes this.
  2. Opalite

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,134
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    At home
    Thats the funniest thing I've heard all week. You, sir, are awesome. Seriously. Awesome.
     
  3. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,012
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    Well, I thank you most generously my tattooed princess. That's the best comment I could receive. :kiss:
     
  4. offering251

    offering251 Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2008
    Messages:
    116
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South Alabama
    I ROFL'd when I read this, still laughing!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted