A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. The monsignor had earlier advised him to put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water on the pulpit and take a sip when he get uptight. That Sunday the priest had taken the monsignor's advice, and whenever he felt anxious delivering the sermon, he took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office, he found this note on his door. "Your sermon went well with the exception of the following;" 1) There are ten commandments, not 12 2) There are 12 disciples, not ten. 3) Jesus was consecrated, not "constipated." 4)Jacob wagered on his donkey, he did not "Bet his ass>" 5)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as "the late J.C." 6)When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say, "He was stoned off his ass." 7)When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me." 8)The Virgin Mary is not referred to as "Mary with the cherry." 10)Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling at St. Taffy's 11)We do not refer to the cross as "the big t" And last but not least; 12) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.