The problem of "size queens"

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muscle4big1: Yes, I agree that it is easy usually to filter out those people who are one dimensional, and of course I agree that it is more difficult for those of us who prefer well hung men to meet men than it is for men who like blonds. And I also agree that it should be up to us to demonstrate to our partners that we like them for more than their dicks.

However, I guess what I also learned from being seen as only a musclehead, is that if you never give people a chance because you are sensitive about people liking you for your physical characteristics only, that you might miss out. Since people shut me out when I show an interest in finding well hung partners, I have learned to be a little more forgiving with those who make comments, etc about my muscles.

Learning about someone takes some time, looking at blonds or big arms only takes a second or two. And you don't have to put yourself at risk of rejection for not going up to brunettes or thin men. Finding out about cock size requires opening yourself up to the label 'size queen' But it is a risk I have to take, if I want to find that charachteristic in a man. I guess all I ask is that if you are sensitive about being liked ONLY for your dick, I understand that. I don't like being reduced to pecs and arms either. But give me chance to find out more as well.

 

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SimplyHung: Typical "size monarch" as I see it:

Gets a guy that's 8". After that, turns down anything under 8", saying shit like "It's gotta be atleast 8 inches to satisfy me." Someone comes along with 9", start the cycle over. 10" and repeat, 11", etc. etc. Until their options are slim to nil.

 

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H8Monga: [quote author=SimplyHung link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#21 date=08/18/03 at 15:45:22]Typical "size monarch" as I see it:

Gets a guy that's 8". After that, turns down anything under 8", saying shit like "It's gotta be atleast 8 inches to satisfy me." Someone comes along with 9", start the cycle over. 10" and repeat, 11", etc. etc. Until their options are slim to nil.[/quote]

I know a girl who says she's a size queen. Her first guy was about 6" then her second was 8". She had a one-nighter with a guy she claims was 10" and said that was too big for her and now says the guy has to be between 7-8" I think for her. But I guess you're right that eventually those who can't get enough will run out of options and put themselves in a corner.

 

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Inwood: I guess I'm answering this sort of from your perspective. I joined this group because I do have an interest in men with large endowments. Not exclusively but it's there. Lord knows, one of the posters mentioned buying a kilt and all I could think about was what it might look like when he bent over to pick something up but that's probably a post meant for another area.

Slightly amending something I think BustyRed mentioned in another post. It helps to look potential partners in the eyes when you talk to them. NOT that you don't. Just remember that when someone with a big package doesn't respond it might not even be your active interest in their goods that's the problem. You might just not be their type. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have gone up to them. You were interested after all.

You can't change who you are and what turns you on. I wouldn't try to hide your interest. As to what works well it'll depend on the guy you approach. There's nothing else to it. What works one day probably wouldn't work the next. So maybe my advice is don't try to figure out what works to get a hung guy. Just show interest and see if it's reciprocated. If it is, go for it. If not, hold off. It still might happen and at least the guy will know you respect his space.

 

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SensuousCancer: From another woman's perspective...

I don't consider myself a size queen, I don't seek out men with large dicks. But, I've been with men that were 4" and men that were 10". Yes, all the foreplay and touching, caressing and oral is good but I really enjoy penetration with a man that is well endowed, even for anal. Anal with a small dick just feels annoying to me, like being finger fucked which I don't like.

And BTW, I don't have a large pussy either which I have seen men say must be the reason a woman wants a large penis. I work at it, do Kegel exercises regularly, have good control, and every man I have known has commented on how tight I am and can squeeze a finger so tight that it can hardly be moved.

If I am ever again in a serious relationship or contemplating marriage I know that this is something that is important to me. Along with being a decent man, honest and responsible.

Look at it this way... a man who marries a woman who refuses to give head is giving up something that he likely enjoys VERY much or he's not giving it up and getting it elsewhere. Look at a site like Adult Friend Finders and it is chock full of men who are looking for things that their wives refuse to do. I don't want to be in a situation where I am longing for "something more".

Religion, nationality, financial resources, lifestyle, education, values, etc. are acceptable things for a man or woman to want in a mate and we all have these requirements to some degree. It's acceptable for a man to have a requirement that his mate is attractive and has a body that draws him (even if this is unstated). Sex in a marriage or LTR is very important, can make or break any relationship, and to deny your needs is cheating both of you. My needs are my own and if someone wants to negate that as being shallow and a "size-queen" that's their problem.

SC

 

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tigerwolf: After reading all of these replies and such, it reminds me of a question I was asked a while back.

If you had to choose between a man who was 3" and the best lover in the world (supposedly), or a man who was 10-12" and knew nothing about sex, which would you pick?

Me? I'd go for the hung guy. The small guy will always be small without surgery. I can teach the one who doesn't know.

And yes, I'm a size queen, and sometimes personally myself I come off as only caring about that, but people don't realize that when you open up with "Hi, I'm 10" and blah blah blah" about themselves, that if that's what you first open with, that's the first thing that sticks in people's minds.

And though dick size isn't all that matters to me, I don't sleep with 'average-sized' guys, because its just not something that does anything for me, myself. It doesn't mean that its the only thing about a guy that I'm interested in being his dick size, but yes, it does play an important part. Its all a part of the big picture. I'd turn down someone who was a foot long if they were ugly as sin, too. Its just a matter of personal preference, in my opinion.

That's my two cents either way.

 

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nacard01: I am not a size queen. Maybe if my endowment was of average proportions I would have a different perspective. Having a big penis doesn't mean you couldn't be of course, I am just saying I am not.

I think being a size queen is a little ridiculous. No offense meant to those that are. But in my opinion, wanting to be with someone simply because they have a large endowment seems kind of empty to me. There is more to a guy then his penis...most guys have feelings, personality and intelligence. If you change your perspective to include these things as well as the size of their penis then I suppose its okay. But penis size by itself I do not agree with.

Kermit

 

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digibacker: [quote author=nacard01 link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#26 date=10/22/03 at 03:23:26]...wanting to be with someone simply because they have a large endowment seems kind of empty to me.  There is more to a guy then his penis...[/quote]

I quite agree. I'd never be interested in someone only because they have a large penis. Matter of fact, I've turned away most of the (few) well-endowed guys I've managed to meet simply because I didn't like them for other reasons.

I think the main issue here isn't whether or not being a size-queen is acceptable -- most would agree that it is not -- but more about why there seems to be a prejudice against people for potentially being a size queen. (i.e. someone who shows interest in penis size, but that's not all they're interested in.)

 

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Valkyrie: [quote author=digibacker link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#27 date=10/22/03 at 11:29:44]I think the main issue here isn't whether or not being a size-queen is acceptable -- most would agree that it is not -- but more about why there seems to be a prejudice against people for potentially being a size queen. (i.e. someone who shows interest in penis size, but that's not all they're interested in.)[/quote]

Hit the nail right on the head... This is why I tend to keep quiet about my preferences except in environments like these or with really good friends. As soon as you have said that "yes, a larger size is nice, but it's not all that counts" you're almost automatically labeled as a "size queen". And as a "size queen" size is all that counts, right...

Many seem to not even notice what comes after the "but" - that it's a nice bonus to an otherwise nice guy, but not at all a prerequisite. As I stubbornly keep saying - if a guy can't turn me on with means other than the size of his cock he's not interesting to me anyway.

/Val

 

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nacard01: Well I didnt mean to poke at you Valkyrie. I just mean that "what is between your legs" shouldn't define whether you are considered acceptable to the same or opposite sex as a sexual desire.

I understand why someone would enjoy having sex with me because of my penis, just that I think that my penis is a part of me. It doesn't equal all that I am. I have found in the past that some size queens care more about what you have then everything else.

I am NOT saying this is you or anyone else. Just saying by my own experiences. I would never point the finger at anyone on here as I am no judge of another persons perspective.

Kerm

 

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Valkyrie: Kermit,

no offense taken. I didn't see your comments as directed to me or anyone else on the site.

Just found that digibacker's comment was right on spot. And I do agree with you - there's a lot more to any guy that the size of his equipment - who he is, how he treats people, caring for others, being a reasonable intelligent guy that can hold his own end of a conversatin and all those other things.

Size is a nice bonus to an otherwise attractive man - and by attractive I mean the _whole_ guy, not just his looks.

/Val

 

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H8Monga: [quote author=Valkyrie link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#28 date=10/23/03 at 05:18:50]

Hit the nail right on the head... This is why I tend to keep quiet about my preferences except in environments like these or with really good friends. As soon as you have said that "yes, a larger size is nice, but it's not all that counts" you're almost automatically labeled as a "size queen". And as a "size queen" size is all that counts, right...  

Many seem to not even notice what comes after the "but" - that it's a nice bonus to an otherwise nice guy, but not at all a prerequisite. As I stubbornly keep saying - if a guy can't turn me on with means other than the size of his cock he's not interesting to me anyway.

/Val[/quote]


I read you plain and clear and I saw the but. That statement doesn't make you a size queen in my opinion. Saying a large size is "nice" says it's nice not that that's all you want and anything else doesn't matter.

 

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BiggerIsBetter: In a perfect world, the stigma associated with the term "size queen" would be about the same as anyone who expressed an interest in blondes or redheads or... [fill in the blank].  I'm comfortable enough with myself to know that I prefer having sex with well-hung men, comfortable enough even to have selected a handle that reflects this aspect of myself.  Why someone would automatically assume that it's either shallow or, in fact, a commandment is beyond me.  I often find myself on the defensive and have even resorted to expressing the fact that I've had a long-term relationship with someone who topped the ruler at 3.5" and a second LTR with someone who measured at 9.25".  But that has always struck me as a reaction that's uncomfortably close to the old line "But some of my best friends are..."  I also find myself slightly defensive by the stereotype that "size queens" are nothing but bottom pillow biters who do nothing but get fucked.  Of course, I'm always more than happy to disprove that myth!  

I've recently found myself in a fairly unique situation (for me, at least), which is actually the real reason I'm posting this reply.  A few weeks ago, I came across the Internet blog (online diary, for those who don't know) of someone who I thought was handsome and whose writing made me think we shared some interests.  I contacted him and told him so, and we began having some chats that lasted several hours at a time.  

Not long into our second or third chat session, he informed me that he was well-hung.  Extremely well hung, as in That 12-inch ruler is about one inch too short.  (And ironically, a picture that was in dispute on this very board recently is supposed to actually have been of him.)  I found that the revelation added some tension to the conversations, an awkwardness that I hadn't felt before.  

Part of the problem stems from the fact that he doesn't seem to be completely comfortable about his dick size.  To be sure, he knows "the power" that it has to attract men, but that has led him to the conclusion that it's the reason people want to have sex with him.  He's caught between a rock and a hard place, in a very real sense:  being a handsome "bear" type, he's able to attract some attention (like, from me); but showing a semi-hard bulge that runs halfway down his pants leg gets him a whole 'nother level of attention. Now, I'm smart enough to know that this entire scenario might be total b.s., so don't think I'm just being naïve . When he made a reference to the picture in question as actually being him, I expressed reservation. Still, something about his responses seemed very genuine (and again, I don't believe this is just naïveté on my part).

We've agreed to get together and meet sometime in the next few weeks (we both have fairly busy calendars).  And to keep the tension level down, we've both agreed that the first get-together will be for coffee or dinner or something decidedly non-sexual. My frustration and awkwardness comes from the fact that he may have come to regard me as yet another size queen wanting to have sex with "it" just for the experience of having had a dick of that size.  Yeah, I would love to see and play with "it."  It would be the largest I've ever been with, and that's exciting.  But knowing about "it" seems to have changed things and there's no way of taking it back.  I've pointed out to him that I actually contacted him as a fellow "bear" type before I knew anything about "it," and I think he's respecting that.  I'm doing what I can to bolster this thought, even to the point of not mentioning anything about his dick -- though we do joke about it every so often.  

Still, I'm not sure of the best way to proceed.  Suggestions would be welcomed.

 

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H8Monga: [quote author=BiggerIsBetter link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#32 date=10/25/03 at 22:00:28]In a perfect world, the stigma associated with the term "size queen" would be about the same as anyone who expressed an interest in blondes or redheads or... [fill in the blank].  I'm comfortable enough with myself to know that I prefer having sex with well-hung men, comfortable enough even to have selected a handle that reflects this aspect of myself.  Why someone would automatically assume that it's either shallow or, in fact, a commandment is beyond me.  I often find myself on the defensive and have even resorted to expressing the fact that I've had a long-term relationship with someone who topped the ruler at 3.5" and a second LTR with someone who measured at 9.25".  [/quote]

That perfect world will never be since hair and size are different things. One can change their hair any color but no one has an interchangable penis. I have never heard of a redhead or blonde who ends up hurt because someone would choose them solely for that trait or because someone chose exclusively brunettes. However, size queens hurt people on either side of the ruler... it's more than just a preference. People are welcomed to have their preference, but realize size is a much more sensitive issue than hair color and people should be care about how they let their preference be known.

To prove him wrong about what he may think, don't bring it up. Be friends, getting to know all of his personality and all and only get intimate when he feels ready and let him lead.

 

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longtimelurker: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#33 date=10/25/03 at 23:57:53]

That perfect world will never be since hair and size are different things. One can change their hair any color but no one has an interchangable penis. I have never heard of a redhead or blonde who ends up hurt because someone would choose them solely for that trait or because someone chose exclusively brunettes. [/quote]

Not too much to add here, but a better preference may be height as that isn't really changeable, either. As has been mentioned here before, there are quite a few height preferences, but this doesn't attract the same stigma as being attracted to a big penis. Height issues can still affect some people with self-esteem etc., and you can't hide your height in the same way that you can hide a bulge...

 

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BiggerIsBetter:

To prove him wrong about what he may think, don't bring it up. Be friends, getting to know all of his personality and all and only get intimate when he feels ready and let him lead.

Thanks for the advice. It's pretty much the approach that I've been trying to take, aside from the occasional joke or two. I jokingly told him once that, sexually speaking, he's the equivalent of the 800lb gorilla in that he can pretty much do anything he wants with a dick like that (well, maybe not anything, but you know what I mean). He seemed to take it in just the right tone, and I'll occasionally ask how the "800lb gorilla" is doing. It's definitely meant in a light-hearted way, and I think he's picking up on that.

I won't belabor the point about how some preferences have more of a stigma attached to them than others (i.e., liking blondes/redheads or liking big dicks) other than to say that it is just a preference. I'm sure there hasn't been anyone hurt from being rejected because a potential interest prefers blondes (when you're a brunette) -- it's just a preference after all, whether it can be changed or not. For me, at least, the same thing applies to dick size.

 

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ish789: that would match every girl in my school all of em are size queens....

 

[jonb]

But a gorilla doesn't have a dick like that, so I don't see how...

 

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H8Monga: Are you calling ish a gorilla? ???

 

[jonb]

[quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=relationships;num=1053674657;start=20#38 date=10/31/03 at 21:39:02]Are you calling ish a gorilla?  ???[/quote]
No, the "800-lb gorilla" remark.