The really TOUGH question

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Dec 7, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    wvalady1968: We've dealt with all these 'light-weight' issues, and you've probably been worried that this question would come up.

    So, let's just dive into it and get it over.

    How do you know when you're really in love?

    Guys and ladies?
     
  2. Imported

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    Tender: well after the guy gets away you are completely miserable and its all you can think of everyday for the next _____ years... ie, maybe the rest of your life? i hope not! :-/

    to me it is as if nothing else matters to you but the other person.
    ???
    Tender
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    My grandpa told me that I'd know when I'd found the woman I would marry because my penis would stand straight up.

    I never told him that if that were so, I'd have been married at age 11.

    You have to differentiate between love and lust.

    Lust is desire for the physical act of sex, including all of its supportive functions (faster heartbeat, arousal, etc. etc. etc.)

    Love, on the other hand, needs nurturing and growth (other than the sexual organs). Care, empathy, sharing, until you've become One with your partner - such that you'd be incomplete without them.
     
  4. jdoe86

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    I have been in love so many times. Was it really love? To me it was. There are times when your heart aches because you miss them; you feel empty inside when they are not there next to you. Was it love?
     
  5. benderten2001

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    [quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=women;num=1070843675;start=0#0 date=12/07/03 at 16:25:34]

    "...So...how do you know when you're really in love?"
    Guys and ladies?


    [/quote]

    A "toughie" for sure!

    I'm not so certain there is just one (and only one) pat answer to this. --It's probably going to be one of those that will vary from couple to couple, individual to individual.

    This point makes sense, I believe--you may as well set aside the "sexual attraction" thing for the time being... (although that is important in the equation, of course to some extent). Being in love is so much more than that, which is as it should be. Falling in love encompasses so many aspects of two people being brought together. It's mysterious, (sometimes elusive), always captivating and riteting while its in progress and yet, DEVESTATING when it fails! So, falling in love can be a complexed matter. And, one is never the same having experienced it --even just once. You become a different person. You tend to react in various new ways to that word "love" from that point onward. The word "love" can leave you hot, warm or-- cold. It all depends.

    Feeling like you're in love could be a genuine "head over heals" (giddy!) feeling, or not for some.. Others might get that little "hunch" that "this is the one!" Many just take the chance (the gamble?) that this is going to be the real thing and hope for the best. But then, there are those who just genuinely seem to know (somehow?)
    --with no doubts whatsoever.

    I think TRUE love rarely comes along all that quickly.
    It has to develop over time it seems. When all the common ground and common tangents are finally discovered, pondered, and otherwise "settled upon" between two people, then each one typically will get that "lonely, lost, and incomplete inkling" down deep inside when away from the other. Thus, that "bonding" has then obviously (and, quite magically!) all started.

    Yep, that's a sure sign then, that something has happened-- big time. And, followed by some more of that "inner inkling" stuff for yet awhile longer and, well--that little "L" word won't ordinarily be too far behind! ;)

    Falling in love may often defy description, but it can almost always be summed up as.... very beautiful
    (when all factors seem to be working positively, that is.)

    Then, there are those who make the commitment (who, at the time call their mutual attraction "love") but find out all too differently later on.

    THAT would be the hard way to determine "when" you're in love, (or, if you're not.)
     
  6. Imported

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    ORCABOMBER: Wise words again. ;D
     
  7. Imported

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    wvalady1968: These are some excellent answers. I hoped that some of the posters who have had or are in long term relationships would reply, but it's a busy time.

    I've thought about my answer to the question for a while. I was attracted to David mentally, at first, through joking around. Then I came to know him as a smart, kind, funny guy. But what sealed it, was that from the first kiss, I felt like I'd 'come home'. I've tried to think of a better way to phrase it and can't.

    Allie
     
  8. benderten2001

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    First....Orcabomber----- t h a n k s. :)

    [quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=women;num=1070843675;start=0#6 date=12/10/03 at 04:49:04]

    "...I've thought about my answer to the question for a while. I was attracted to David mentally, at first, through joking around. Then I came to know him as a smart, kind, funny guy. But what sealed it, was that from the first kiss, I felt like I'd 'come home'. I've tried to think of a better way to phrase it and can't. Allie

    [/quote]


    Allie.....I think you've "phrased it" pretty well! ;)
     
  9. Imported

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    str8_nnj:  Allie..it reminds me of a Quote

    The soul that can speak with its eyes can also kiss with a gaze.
    ~Unknown~

    ;)

    Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.
     
  10. Imported

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    wvalady1968: [quote author=str8_nnj link=board=women;num=1070843675;start=0#8 date=12/11/03 at 06:57:47]  Allie..it reminds me of a Quote

    The soul that can speak with its eyes can also kiss with a gaze.
    ~Unknown~

    ;)

    Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.
    [/quote]

    That's quite romantic! And very sweet...
    You have a lucky lady

    Allie
     
  11. Imported

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    neatski2: I liked the answers given here, too. I know I'm in love because of the amount of self-sacrifice I am willing to go through for my guy (he's currently on deployment in Iraq)... It's been about 8 months since he deployed, and despite the hardships, the almost impossibility of communication and the loneliness, we're still going strong. Not that I think that self-sacrifice is what makes love. I think that true love involves a mediation of self-sacrifice and selfishness, so that both people can give and receive while maintaining their individuality. All I know is that I would never have been able to go through all this pain if I weren't truly in love.
     
  12. Imported

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    gicast: I've been married for 10 years, not as long as some, but it seems pretty momumental to me!

    I asked my husband that once while we were dating. He said, "The last thing I think of when I go to sleep is you, the first thing I think of when I wake is you. I feel that I eat, sleep and breath you." (We were living in two different states at the time.)

    When he can put up with your emotional outbursts, and still smile at you- it's love.

    When you can pick up his socks and smile- it's love.

    When you look at your children acting just like us(the parents) and smile- it's love.

    There's a lot of small factors that make up the bigger picture. The when the butterflies and thrill-a-minute feelings diminish and you still have a warm glow inside when you think of him/her then you have something special.
     
  13. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: ive been married 25 years...the more time i spent with my now-wife, the more i wanted to spend with her...i would literally would count the hours til i saw her again...and it wasnt sexual at that time...we didnt have sex for some time...but i would catch myself wondering during the day what she might be doing right then...still do...when we would argue...her angry words would just cut me to the quick, there is NO-one that can injure me more than she can, because what she thinks of me is so important to me...and there is no-one that can give me joy like she does...her voice caresses my ears...i want to spend as much time with her as i can...even now...if you get to that point...i would say you need to take a hard look at modifying your relationship...just my experience... :)...good luck...
     
  14. Imported

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    Vincentr1: Married 16.5 years. Now after 2 kids, more love making than fighting, 4 dogs, seems like twenty cars, 7 houses, several jobs, five cities and four states later. I can still look look at her face and know how lucky I am. When you share hard times and good times and you don't give up when the going gets tough. When trust doesn't have to be discussed or questioned. When you can feel free to make a mistake and learn from it. When u're still killing spiders for a 120 lb grown adult after 16 years. When your willing to let her be the boss.
    When she empathises with you own insecurites about the six of your cock and doesn't write you off as a basket case.

    And I agree with the comment about knowing what each other is thinking without saying a word.
     
  15. Max

    Max New Member

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    [quote author=Vincentr1 link=board=women;num=1070843675;start=0#13 date=01/09/04 at 12:52:25]When your willing  to let her be the boss. [/quote]

    No doubt I am reading this through unreformed (and European) eyes, but that jumped out at me.

    If I let my wife be the boss, it would be a sign of lack of interest and lack of love rather than the reverse ... our 26 year old marriage has (so far!) been conducted on a partnership basis, but also very clearly on the basis that the buck stops with me. Her love for me is shown in that she respects me and trusts my love for her enough to allow this to happen.
     
  16. Imported

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    Savannah: Love is putting someone else first without losing yourself.

    Savannah
     
  17. Imported

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    ORCABOMBER: Now there's something I've yet to acheive. For me, my life is really abot understanding myself- everyone else overcomplicates the story!
     
  18. Imported

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    mekkler: ...when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie...
     
  19. Imported

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    gicast: MY husband quotes:

    Kinda like the question,"how do you know if you have hemorroids?"

    "If you have to ask then you don't have them."

    You just know.
     
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