The Red Flags of Dating

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Nov 27, 2007.

  1. Principessa

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    Stop right there

    By Bella | Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 08:00 AM
    The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

    We’ve all ignored them at some point in our dating history. For some of us, it took longer to start recognizing them for what they were. But for all of us, they’re an indication that we’re either:
    a. wasting our time with the person we’re dating
    b. in danger of being emotionally or physically abused by the person we’re dating
    c. in danger of being cheated on by the person we’re dating
    d. all of the above.

    They’re red flags.
    You know what I’m talking about. And what’s interesting to me is that there are some things that didn’t seem like red flags to me early on in relationships that ended up being very clear signposts of things to come.

    For example, my friend Sarah’s husband was young when they got married, and was moving straight from a household in which he was pampered and spoiled into her household…where he eventually expected her to also pamper and spoil him. Additionally, he was used to spending lots of his parents’ money before they got married…and ended up shopping away much of their finances after they got married, too! His financially dependent relationship with his parents should have been a huge red flag for my friend.

    But this case is nothing compared to some of the red flags that can occur in relationships, and sometimes we’re so blinded by love that we don’t pay attention to them.

    Here are some red flags that I think are pretty universal:
    1. Not meeting any of your SO’s friends or family after months and months of dating
    2. Lack of interest in you or the relationship (ideally, we shouldn’t have to list this, but you’d be surprised
    3. Obsessing about your activities—where you were, who you were with, etc.
    • What red flags would you add to this list?
    • Have you had situations in relationships that wouldn’t necessarily be alarming to others, but in your particular relationship were an indication of things to come?
    • What types of alarming things have you seen in other relationships where the people involved were too blind to see them?
     
  2. invisibleman

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    Red flags, hmmm.

    It is hard to date for some. For many, it is a piece of cake. RED FLAGS are different for everyone.
     
  3. dongalong

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    When someone shows stubborness, self centred behavior or they won't compromise - red flags go up for future dominance battles.
     
  4. B_tallbig

    B_tallbig New Member

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    When the person try to control everything you do , how you do it, when you do it etc. Tha is a clear sign of a dominant person . That happened to my bro , he got married with a controlling and crazy woman .
     
  5. dhsdad

    dhsdad New Member

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    Selfish behavior is a sure red flag. I had a relationship in college with an “only child”. He wasn’t really spoiled and really did not like to spend money, but he was so very very selfish. He really did not know how to care for other, I tried to teach him..and was somewhat successful, but his parents really encouraged this “ care of self” shit and ultimately it killed our relationship and friendship.
     
  6. SpoiledPrincess

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    Phoning his mother every day - especially if she's been dead for five years.
     
  7. Sixofspades

    Sixofspades New Member

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    Haha, I didn't know you and Norman Bates were hot and heavy.

    For me, it would have to be bratty behavior and girls who are just so into themselves and demand the best and the most from everyone when they themselves can't live up to the standards that they set for others. That's been a huge turn off - girls who can't relate to others, are unsympathetic, and are not at all down to earth to the point where they can't understand that life happens and not everyone can help the situation they're currently in. I've been told that I've dated a lot of 'prisses' so far. And now because of that kind of thing, I'm really into humble, unassuming girls. No doubt that'll change the next time I date someone who's so meek that they can't speak their mind at all, but hey.
     
  8. Mr. Snakey

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    Life is full of Flags not just Dating ones. Yes the flags of dating were like waiting for a shoe to drop.
     
  9. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    someone who reads dating advice columns - you cant win with them, they'll find a red flag, unless you are also a dating advice column addict, and know how to trick them into believing you are "the one".

    someone who owns a bunch of self-help books -
    you can get rid of them once you don't need them... right?

    meds - legal narcotics... or not taken by sane people.

    suntanned to a crisp brown - no respect for their health, superficial

    call me babe or hun, or shug - just like the other 500 guys before me... a serial dater... do you remember my name?

    rude cell phone users = rude people
     
  10. Principessa

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    double post, please delete
     
  11. Principessa

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    Red Flags

    1) Not being allowed to meet his family or friends. (He wasn't married, just an emotionally distant jackass :mad:)
    2) Becoming so angry in the movie theater parking lot on our second date he jumps out of the truck to beat the crap out of the guy who almost backed into him. (that was also our last date)
    3) He doesn't travel well. (A grown man should be able to get from central New Jersey to the Bronx Zoo without acting like a 3 year old.) :rolleyes::mad:
    4) Black guys of any age who think acting & dressing like a gangsta/thug rapper is cool
    5) White guys of any age who try to act like black rappers.
     
  12. SpeedoGuy

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    1) Not being allowed to meet his family or friends. (He wasn't married, just an emotionally distant jackass :mad:)


    Definite red flag. What's he hiding from you in the family tree?


    2) Becoming so angry in the movie theater parking lot on our second date he jumps out of the truck to beat the crap out of the guy who almost backed into him. (that was also our last date)

    Yep. Because next he'll be pounding on you.


    3) He doesn't travel well. (A grown man should be able to get from central New Jersey to the Bronx Zoo without acting like a 3 year old.) :rolleyes::mad:


    If he can't ask for directions when obviously lost, he's got an issue.


    4) Black guys of any age who think acting & dressing like a gangsta/thug rapper is cool


    Judging by what I see on the streets on any given day this seems to be all the rage for just about any group of young males.


    5) White guys of any age who try to act like black rappers.

    If I ever tried that it would be pretty frickin' hilarius to see. Kinda like Jerry Lewis tryin' to be a gangsta rapper.
     
  13. B_DEATHbyCARROT

    B_DEATHbyCARROT New Member

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    I'm glad you said that. I hate black people of either sex dressing/acting stereotypically or "ghetto". Really sets a bad example for our youth.

    Now back to taking pictures of my cock.
     
  14. Principessa

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  15. RamIt

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    1)She has too many cats, or treats them like people.
    2)She can never find anything to wear.
    3)She has too many shoes.
    4)She tans too much.
    5)She wears too much makeup.
    6)She NEEDS to meet my family and friends right away.
    7)She needs to set up "play dates" so I have to hang out with her frinds BF's.
    8)She needs to know where I am and who Im with at all times.
    9)She talks to her dad or brothers without respect.
    10)She points out any mistake you make.
    11)She talks fondly of her exes to you.
    12)She blows off compliments you give her, or offers none.
    13)She criticizes your driving.
    14)She watches LIFETIME or OXYGEN no matter what is on that channel.
    15)She doesnt swallow.
    16)She hates porn or strip clubs.
    17)She has pick out everything you wear.
    18)She has to go to the gym constantly, or never eats to stay slim.
    19)She uses sex as a bribe, or worse, withholds it as a punishment.
    20)She hates when you are drunk, and picks fights when you are.
     
  16. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Lemme see... trying to remember what some of my red flags were.

    I dated one guy who bought me EVERYTHING for the first few weeks we were together. If I wanted it, and he could afford it, I got it. I wasn't used to that behavior at ALL, so of course I loved it, but it was only a precursor to someone who had incredibly low self esteem and was afraid I was going to leave him if he didn't get me anything and everything (which is funny, because I'm totally the opposite of materialistic.)

    I have now dated three guys with previous criminal records. Why three, you ask? Because I kept thinking that surely there was a guy out there who was capable of having a criminal record from past stupidity, but had outgrown it. Now, I'm not saying that a man like doesn't exist, but I have yet to find him, and now I will never date another guy with a criminal record again. The first guy was in and out of jail the whole time we were together, and on probation the whole time (this was 6 years ago, and he's never been OFF probation in that six year period, and he's currently in jail). The second guy I dated got me pregnant then got his parole revoked, so he went to prison for a couple years, then got released and ran off. No concern for his son at all. Since he got released, he has been back in jail at least three times that I know of. The third guy I dated with a criminal record ended up leaving me, and he ran off to his brothers house where he proceeded to steal a shotgun and rob a convenience store. The cops chased him, and he got cornered... he was on parole at the time, and since he didn't want to go back to prison, he turned the shotgun on himself and committed suicide. *sigh* So, yeah... no more guys with criminal records for me.

    I can't think of any more at the moment, really... I'm sure there are some... and when I think of them, I'll let you know. :smile:
     
  17. Principessa

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    No offense; but it sounds like you have as many issues as she did.

     
  18. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Uh oh, i called you babe a few times...but then again its the interweb
     
  19. RamIt

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    That not from one woman, but of the many that I have dated. Yeah, one woman with all those flags, well, I wouldnt be reading the flags very well would I?!?!
     
  20. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Hahaha! I just thought of a good one.

    Red Flag - if I search their name and find out they're on the National Sex Offender Registry. :rolleyes: For those of you who have read that thread, you may find a wee bit of humor in there, but for the most part I am serious.

    Another red flag is when a guy doesn't get along well with his mother. In all honesty, that's pretty much a basic question I try to ask any guy on our first date. Guys GENERALLY treat women the way they treat their mothers.
     
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