The Relationship Is Over. What Happens To Intimate Photos?

Scarletbegonia

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(This is cross posted in ask a woman.)


I was reading this
The Ethical Debate Over Saving an Ex's Nudes

And I wondered, are nude photos gifts, or loans?

I shot some really interesting things during my time with the traveling musician.
He shot some too.
I’m in process of culling his shots from my locker/vault album. And shots with both of us will go away, too.
Shots I took of me stay in mine.
I’m not sure how I feel about the ex keeping the pix. I sort of feel I gave them to him.
I have zero concerns of revenge porn crap. He’s a better man than that. Plus, I have him.
So personally, I’m just in “ I’ll ignore it.” I do not want to picture him re-enjoying the images.

How does the new generation handle this? Lol
(New generation = anyone, really)
 

Marcus_xxl

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Interesting question

(This is cross posted in ask a woman.)


I was reading this
The Ethical Debate Over Saving an Ex's Nudes

And I wondered, are nude photos gifts, or loans?

I shot some really interesting things during my time with the traveling musician.
He shot some too.
I’m in process of culling his shots from my locker/vault album. And shots with both of us will go away, too.
Shots I took of me stay in mine.
I’m not sure how I feel about the ex keeping the pix. I sort of feel I gave them to him.
I have zero concerns of revenge porn crap. He’s a better man than that. Plus, I have him.
So personally, I’m just in “ I’ll ignore it.” I do not want to picture him re-enjoying the images.

How does the new generation handle this? Lol
(New generation = anyone, really)
 
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lislndr

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Mine are securely saved in a separate location from my main porn downloads, I would really need to look for them if I wanted to see them now. I almost never look at them but don't want them completely gone yet. Just memories, I guess.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Mine are securely saved in a separate location from my main porn downloads, I would really need to look for them if I wanted to see them now. I almost never look at them but don't want them completely gone yet. Just memories, I guess.
So you would save if the other person asked you not to?
 

Driver_tk

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I'm glad you posed the question to men also.
The pictures I received will never be seen by anyone else but me. I would delete them if I didn't care about her still. Even though we are no longer, seeing her face makes me smile.
 
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Sagittarius84

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My knee jerk answer is to say delete them I
but further reflection motivates me to think that an intimate gift is final. I do however think the nature of the breakup leads towards what the party should do . I think an actual amicable and mutual split up it goes without saying that pictures are going to be deleted. I think the party who was dumped definitely has the right to insist that any of their intimate photos be deleted by the dumper. However I think the dumper Is isn't really in a position to ask the dumpee to do anything once they've dumped them beyond the basic human decency of not disclosing or exposing these intimate gifts.
 

Beanie

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(This is cross posted in ask a woman.)


I was reading this
The Ethical Debate Over Saving an Ex's Nudes

And I wondered, are nude photos gifts, or loans?

I shot some really interesting things during my time with the traveling musician.
He shot some too.
I’m in process of culling his shots from my locker/vault album. And shots with both of us will go away, too.
Shots I took of me stay in mine.
I’m not sure how I feel about the ex keeping the pix. I sort of feel I gave them to him.
I have zero concerns of revenge porn crap. He’s a better man than that. Plus, I have him.
So personally, I’m just in “ I’ll ignore it.” I do not want to picture him re-enjoying the images.

How does the new generation handle this? Lol
(New generation = anyone, really)
I think of them as gifts but absolutely not for you to share. It was between you and them and very disrespectful for me, not to mention illegal (in the U.K. at least)
 
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Tomas26

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Atop other concerns previously mentioned, there is also a security concern. Any of our devices and clouds can be hacked, or any repair person has access to our hard drives, etc. I’ve seen content posted to this very site that I suspect neither party depicted intended for public eyes.

Like someone said, I think of my digital pics like memories, as weird as that is. Makes it tougher to delete stuff purely for ethical reasons.
 
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palakaorion

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I'm a dinosaur from the Polaroid era. Only person to ever give me boudoir photos was my late wife. They're still in the proverbial bottom of the sock drawer.

I'm re-entering the dating world, and hoping that women my age feel the same way as me about digital nudes: that teh Interwebs is forever, and nudes are unwise.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Atop other concerns previously mentioned, there is also a security concern. Any of our devices and clouds can be hacked, or any repair person has access to our hard drives, etc. I’ve seen content posted to this very site that I suspect neither party depicted intended for public eyes.

Like someone said, I think of my digital pics like memories, as weird as that is. Makes it tougher to delete stuff purely for ethical reasons.

I thought of photos as sweet memory.
I did delete all of the him or us erotic pictures. I kept those I took of me.
Honestly his shots, many taken of us in “action” were horrendously unflattering.
I personally don’t care if he has one or two, as long as they stay for his eyes only.
(I should point out he is 68, so total bro moves aren’t his native language)
 
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Scarletbegonia

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I'm a dinosaur from the Polaroid era. Only person to ever give me boudoir photos was my late wife. They're still in the proverbial bottom of the sock drawer.

I'm re-entering the dating world, and hoping that women my age feel the same way as me about digital nudes: that teh Interwebs is forever, and nudes are unwise.

palkaorion, I think we are somewhat close in age.
From the dude side, the spotted with toothpaste mirror reflecting laundry and what might be a badly lit peen, or a corn dog off the stick, I guess, happens.
I only share pix within an established relationship.
 
D

deleted1547822

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I'll never actually be in that situation, since my wife and I decided that no one is getting out of this marriage alive; but were something to happen and she ask me to delete something I would. Simple.

I understand the "Memories". I've spent many years deployed and pics and movies were the "standard" supplement. And yes, they're awkward... lol. Strangely didn't seem so at the time.
 

Motion-of-the-Ocean

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Unfortunately there's not much I can contribute of advice since the only relationship I've been in and the only woman I have photos of is my wife and after 30 years, it will be till death do us part. I'm also not qualified on this topic since she is aware of and has no problem with me sharing those photos in ways that others will see them.

I also don't think my opinion of this issue can relate to today's concerns, since you wanted feedback on how the "new generation" deals with it and seeing as how I've been taking intimate photos since the days when instant film was the only option, there is a lot a fossil like me still doesn't understand about the selfie/Facebook/Instagram culture and it's trends.

But personally, I do feel mixed in a way. One one hand, I honestly think that the persons who are no longer in the relationship should be under no obligation to delete or destroy said photos and perhaps that decision might ultimately ride on how much you want or don't want to forget the person by ever having to look at an image, nude or not, of them again. However I do believe anyone possessing said photos should not show or share them with anyone else who was not a part of that relationship without that person's consent.

That's why I do find some posters on photo sharing sites I've frequented to be unethical when the caption is claimed to be an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife, since it's almost certain she did not give consent or is aware of it and it definitely borders on, if is not straight out, revenge porn and meant to shame them.

So I do believe for me at least, it all comes down to not whether someone chooses to keep intimate photos of an ex-partner or not; but what they do with them afterwards. So unless someone actually requests they be returned or destroyed (which I would think is impossible to guarantee 100% with a digital photo) I would consider it a gift and make sure trust is still upheld and their privacy treated accordingly.
 

ronin001

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Some relationships are friendships, that last yearssssssss after people stop being a couple.
I do not have photos; but a few items / nick knacks, / reminders I hold onto and cherish

Photos, I generally hide in a super secret password protected flash drive, horded away in the garage. I am not talking nudes or sex .shots - tapes. Just people from my past . I learned the hard way, that even innocent photos of an X; can cause a problem, for the present person in your life. Easier to destroy / delete or hide away , than to deal with someone asking you , why you still have the photo if things are over ??????
 

Scarletbegonia

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Some relationships are friendships, that last yearssssssss after people stop being a couple.
I do not have photos; but a few items / nick knacks, / reminders I hold onto and cherish

Photos, I generally hide in a super secret password protected flash drive, horded away in the garage. I am not talking nudes or sex .shots - tapes. Just people from my past . I learned the hard way, that even innocent photos of an X; can cause a problem, for the present person in your life. Easier to destroy / delete or hide away , than to deal with someone asking you , why you still have the photo if things are over ??????

I have photos of some exes. I suspect my partner does, too.
They are the past that made us, us. And into an Us.
I’d have an issue if he kept them framed and on the wall. Or phone.
But a memory box? I’m okay with that.
 
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LilJock

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If you send nude pics of yourself to someone, then you can't expect to control what happens to them in the future. Either trust the person you're sending them to or don't care what happens to them. Otherwise, you shouldn't send them in the first place. It's that simple.

My first wife still has our "home porn". I trust her to handle them discretely. She shared similar stuff with me about her previous boyfriends, so I expect she's probably shared our private stash with her current husband. No big deal. I've got a much better body, even if he's much better hung. We knew that already.
 
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ronin001

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I have photos of some exes. I suspect my partner does, too.
They are the past that made us, us. And into an Us.
I’d have an issue if he kept them framed and on the wall. Or phone.
But a memory box? I’m okay with that.

I attended a bachelors party at least 8 or so years before I met the person, I thought was going to be the one.
There were photos taken, a few showed me fully dressed in a suit; but with a topless woman next to me .
I had sealed the photos in an envelope and tucked them away for yearssssssss. She found the sealed envelope, ripped open and started world war 3
 
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Scarletbegonia

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I attended a bachelors party at least 8 or so years before I met the person, I thought was going to be the one.
There were photos taken, a few showed me fully dressed in a suit; but with a topless woman next to me .
I had sealed the photos in an envelope and tucked them away for yearssssssss. She found the sealed envelope, ripped open and started world war 3
Some people don’t get “I’m with YOU.”
 
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