The right way to ask a girl...

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Hardballin, Sep 28, 2010.

  1. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    Ok, i am not selfish at all, i go down all the time, i lick her everywhere, i play with her nipples non-stop, i rub her all over, she loves it all, thanks me and says its the best its so great... but i get little to no play from her? I heard women complaining about "non affectionate boyfriend" but for a lady to be like that? is that just unheard of ? It is the first time i have ever experienced this! so I ask, how do I ask her or tell her "you are not touching me enough" And no, my body is not nasty, it is very nice, i work out all the time... i sent her a nude pic of myself, and she showed her friends but not the meat, and she said one of her friends said "oh my what i would do to him" and i said to her,"why don't you ask and then do that to me?" she laughed! sorta like "ya right" laugh. It made me angry.

    anyway, she has never licked my nipple, or even crazed it with her hand, or grabbed it, my chest is nice, i was surprised!

    is there a reason for this ladies? are any of you like this, and what is the reason? please, i need help, it might end a great great great great great relationship!


    the reason i dont just ask and tell her because who knows if then she will just do it cuz i asked and not because she wants to, that would make me feel even worse!!!
     
  2. FashionVictim

    FashionVictim New Member

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    Is it just your nipples you're concerned about her avoiding? If so... honestly, I have never once played with a guy's nipples, I don't even think I've ever kissed them. I don't really know if I'm meant to, if they're sensitive etc. etc. I can be very affectionate, but nipples? Yeah. Not crossed my mind. She could be the same way, just conditioned to believe a man's nipples aren't an erogenous zone due to past partners having little to no sensitivity, or just being (like myself) a tad naive. It won't hurt to casually mention to her that you enjoy that sort of thing - that way you aren't telling her to play, but putting the thought into her head.

    There's no shame in asking someone you are sleeping with for something you want. At worst you get a blunt refusal, at best you introduce the other to something they find they enjoy. No one's born with a textbook knowledge of sex, and even those who know every trick in the book aren't going to know whether or not they enjoy something until they try it.

    The very worst outcome of this is that you've found yourself in a relationship with a selfish lover, and you'll need to decide what's more important to you -but do discuss it with her first.
     
  3. helgaleena

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    She is not a mind reader. If you want her to be more active and less passive in your love making, say so. You do not have to give her orders about exactly what to do when.

    Make it a special occasion where she gets to work on you for a change. Before that special event, discuss with her all the things you enjoy so that she has something to go on. Ask her to treat you like a king or a god, just for one night. Then another night, it can be her turn for being worshiped.
     
  4. HiddenLacey

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    I think you should talk to her about it. Nipples are just there. One more special place on a guys body that I'm into. I'm normally all over the place unless I'm asked not to do it.

    Maybe someone has told her before that they don't like it? Ask her to kiss you from your head to your toes. :eek:) You could make sure you tell her how great each area she pays attention to feels. Or you could come out and just say it during sex. Roll over with her on top so she's in control. Doesn't she make her way down your body kissing you or touching you? Tell her then. If she doesn't do that tell her you would like it :eek:) Goodluck.
     
    #4 HiddenLacey, Sep 28, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2010
  5. arrivaderciroma

    arrivaderciroma New Member

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    I know. You want someone who's brilliant and sexually intuitive. You don't want to tell her anything about what you want done. You want her to be creative, imaginative, curious, explorative, a natural born lover. If you tell her what to do and she does it it won't be as good as if she creates it. Give her a while to get comfortable and if she hasn't figured your needs out, then give up and tell her what you'd like in bed. If she's with-holding, my guess is that she's not for you. If you get what you want you'll be ok with it.
     
  6. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    that is the thing, i do worship her, and i think i gave her the upper hand so she slacks? I mean, no not just the nipple, a few other things she does not do... I don't know if I can get blunt right now right here, but if she does not touch the nipple, imagine what else she does not do, oral yes, but the worse i ever had, if i start to tell her what to do i am afraid of a few things 1. she does it and not enjoy it 2.says no 3.does it and it feels forced

    yes affection what i mean is touching caressing cuddling, like girl things, i feel like the girl she is the guy. what u women put up with, wow! my last girl liked to touch more than me, and me, i am the kind of touching, i will touch you like you never been touched before, i love doing that because it makes me feel good but now lately, i feel like i am going to stop because i get nothing in return, it sucks enjoying something but being able to just stop because i want to be stubborn...

    i never knew women were like this!

    I know what some of you are thinking, then why are you with her... but if you knew how amazing elsewhere she u might say, sex means nothing... but i guess i can't have the perfect girl and her perfect in bed too, HUH"?
     
  7. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    arrivaderciroma! EXACTLY!! 100%... not because like eh do it, i want want want.. i lick, touch and just go for it, every inch, she loves it... so i wonder, why does she think i would not like it too?!?! like she is witholding on purpose..

    submissivegirl83, oh please stop it, u are reminding me of my ex, she was not the greatest, but in bed, we joked, "u get paid to do this" amazing, and u telling me what you do makes me miss it and upset she does not do it, if u knew how bad i felt about it! damn!!

    and when i am in bed, its not like i looked up how to do these things i do to her, i do it because I WANT TO, it feels right.... so it makes me wonder
     
  8. LaFemme

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    I so totally agree. No one can be a mind reader, so you have to tell her what you want. There are so many sexy ways to tell her - write her an erotic story about how she seduces you and what she would do to you; play a sex game (get one that has different things you do to each other); when she gets something right - moan and say, 'oh yes, baby'; text her during the day and tell her what you'd like to do to her and what you'd like her to do to you. And if all else fails - sit down and talk with her.

    Actually, and I don't know if you could do this in your case, you could talk to one of her more open friends. One my friend's boyfriends asked me for advice and so I got my friend a little drunk and we talked about sex and what men liked. She was shocked at little things like men's nipples, or prostate massage. A few weeks later, her b/f just gave me a thumbs up.

    Good sex isn't innate - but it can be learned.
     
  9. Jillang

    Jillang Member

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    How is she supposed to know what you want unless you tell her? If you are really "trying" with each other, then I'm sure she will want to make you happy. I'm sure she is trying but unless you communicate what you want, she won't know.
     
  10. unzipped

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    you have to train each other...
     
  11. petite

    petite New Member

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    There are a lot of possibilities why she doesn't touch you more now. The most likely one is that her previous partner didn't like it and she's not very experienced.

    I'm going to have to go with, "You have to tell her because she can't read your mind." I'm guessing that you can't read her mind and that you aren't "brilliant and sexually intuitive" either, because 99% of all people aren't that skilled at reading other people. The rest of us have to rely upon words and a desire to please one another.

    You haven't implied that you think she'll refuse to do what you want if you asked her. In fact, you really keep implying the opposite, that you think she WILL do what you want if you ask her, you just don't want to tell her what you want.

    If she does something that you want her to do and she did it because you wanted it and she wanted to please you and that makes it less "good" for you because you asked her to do it, then you have issues.

    If she's willing to do something that you ask for because she wants to please you, but that isn't enough for you, then you have issues. I don't think that's really your issue.

    You make it out like your issue is that she doesn't have some sort of sexual ESP. Your real issue is that you don't have the courage to have a straight conversation with her about it and you're blaming her for your lack of balls.

    Your best strategy for getting what you want in bed, with this woman and for any others in the future, is to work on your bedroom communication skills.
     
    #11 petite, Sep 29, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2010
  12. helgaleena

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    Amen petite. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E. Incidentally that is one of my favorite songs by the B52s.
     
  13. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    oh thanks I DID take everyones advice, thanks... i wanted to know how to approach it because i never had to ask, it was always done... she did do what i asked, but not for long. LOL... and not again.. and lil to no passion! so wow, but she didn't seem like she mind, but she did it for a few seconds everything i asked, and second time around didn't do anything.. now i guess my second route, be stubborn stop touching the way i do, and touch as much as she does... see if she notices?
     
  14. helgaleena

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    Be prepared for her to actually be okay with less touching though, as a worst case scenario. If you find out that deep down she is simply not as giving as you or simply lazy, you might have to decide to find someone who appreciates you more.

    Not everyone has as much passion. She might have to find somebody who's less loving to be at ease!
     
  15. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    yes... i was afraid of that.. that is what us guys call the "i dont need sex" girls.. those are scary... they scare me! i can't get turn on by a girl that does not want sex like i do! it turns me off, but then again SHE WANTS AND LOVES SEX... but, she just that way towards me. and it surprises me.. i dunno if i stop touching her the way i do, she will for sure notice.. if i just stick it in, she will be like wow? and i feel like if i say well u dont do this or this and when i asked u didnt really want to, she will think i am a cry baby or something, thats how i see it. heh
     
  16. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    You use so many irritating generalisations, I don't know any guys who call any women "i [sic] don't need sex" girls and I've never used that phrase ever. :rolleyes:
     
  17. Ethyl

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    This.

    I once dated someone who wasn't really into kissing. I tried to show him what I wanted but the reception was lukewarm at best. Whether it's simply for sexual release or establishing intimacy I must be kissed.

    Know your deal breakers.
     
  18. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    I hear u ethyl, i know i am not the only one out there, but i wish all cold people find each other, and have cold sex, and all warm people find themselves and have amazing sex! it sucks cuz at the end any other girl i would leave, this one, no. rather push her till she changes.

    nah sorry hilaire, im not tryign to, i am just saying a FEW women... not all, or the ones that i have been told stories about, i hear a lot of horrible stories i think heh glad that aint me. and i am sorta experience one now, that as bad as other stories but its up there, and its hard to explain, sex is not bad... jsut some aspects.
     
  19. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I wasn't referring to the things you said about women (I couldn't really make any sense of that anyway) :rolleyes: I was pointing out that you made a generalisation about "us guys" when I don't know any guys who use the phrase you used.
     
  20. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    oh what are you talking about, what part about guys are you talking about that i said? be specific i will tell you why or from experience maybe?
     
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