Ok, now I've stayed away from posting for the last few months. I've logged on to see how everyone is doing but this is something that I absolutely need to post.
Many of you that I've known over the years know that I went to predominately white school. I went into college liking only black men and through a series of horrible experiences with black men and making friends in college with almost all white people I left far different then when I went in. By the time I graduated I had absolutely no sexual attraction to black men and I've only been attracted to whites.
I should be straightforward and say that I haven't had sex in almost two years. I went through a lot with my last boyfriend a couple of years ago in which I asked many of you for advice. I've talked to white men but recently I've had this fetish.
Now don't judge me for this. What is my fetish? I fantasize of sex with a white guy. But not just "normal" sex with a white guy. I've in fact had sex with TWO white guys I met through LPSG (but those stories are for another time). I however fantasize of having sex with a white guy and he calls me racial slurs. I especially get aroused at the thought of him calling me a Nig**r. You get what I'm saying here. I want him to say this stuff while he's dominant and "man handles" me during sex.
I feel so bad for wanting a white guy to have sex with me and say these things. I've looked over the internet for "race play" porn and I can't find any. I've found some with a white woman and black male but none with a black woman (like myself) and a white male. I think maybe it's too taboo because of slavery and the fact that white men would rape black women because black slaves were considered property of the white man. I did come across some stuff from Mollena. For more info about her and race-play there's an article here:
When Prejudice Is Sexy: Inside the Kinky World of Race-Play
When I do get in a relationship with a white guy I have no idea how to tell him I want him to say this stuff to me. I'm even more afraid of what he would think of me. Then there's the issue of what if he says no. Most white men would never go there for fear of being looked at as a racist. I know he wouldn't be racist though.
Now before any of you go off and tell me I have some psychological issues I need to get resolved I will tell you that I don't. If a white guy ever called me a racial slur on the street I would punch him in the face. But in the bedroom it's a different story. I want him to be rough and call me all sorts of names.
I think we all deserve to play out our fetishes in the bedroom. I just wanted to see what you all thought about my fetish. Are lots of guys into this type of stuff. Of course I want to know what you women think of me. Well, advice?
