The sex worth ending a relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by 407eightinch, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. 407eightinch

    407eightinch New Member

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    Last night I broke up with my bf because I feel we aren't compatible sexually. Is that wrong?

    Of course I didn't tell that was why. A big reason I did it was because I wasn't satisfied sexually.. Otherwise he's a good guy and from my understanding thus far of the gay world faithful good men a very few and far between.

    Some background... I'm newly "out" so this was my first real gay relationship, so I have some curiosities I'd like to explore with the one I'm with, not my style to fuck and then get to know someone later. I'm a top. Reasons I say we are not compatible.... Sex is fairly rare, once every two weeks average, when there is sex, he doesn't like giving head, doesn't like me getting a little rough, not willing to try dif positions etc...

    Basically is it wrong to place so much weight on sex?

    Selfish?

    Your thoughts would be appreciated..
     
  2. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

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    Personally, I don't believe you are in the wrong for wanting more. But I think you should have been honest with him. Why lie? To save his feelings? He needs to know. That being said, your young. Is it love? If not que sera sera. Have fun, be safe and enjoy yourself. Ni reason to stay with someone your just not compatible with. You have saved you both a lot of time.
     
  3. D_Amadeus_Mofart

    D_Amadeus_Mofart Account Disabled

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    Sex is a massive part of all relationships, if you aren't getting on well there.. it will hurt the relationship in the long run.
     
  4. Catharsis

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    Personally, I think it's a bit shallow... How long did the relationship last? I suspect that just because he didn't want to do any of those things, doesn't mean that he wouldn't eventually try. If you cared about him then you would respect that, but I guess you could probably counter that he would try these things if he cared about and trusted you. If you're looking for sex, then you're probably not looking for a dedicated relationship.

    That's just what I believe, anyway. I think that sex is part of a relationship but it shouldn't be the determining factor - I guess a lot of men and women do just that, and I think it's sad.
     
  5. 407eightinch

    407eightinch New Member

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    Catharses I appreciate ur opinion but in regards to what I'm looking for... I'm not looking for just sex, that comes easy enough. Im looking for a monogamous relationship with good sex. I personal sentiment is if I'm going to be in a committed exclusive relationship I should be satisfied mentally, sexually and otherwise.
     
  6. earllogjam

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    It depends on how important sex is for you.

    If you value it enormously which it sounds like you do then, yeah, you should dump him. No guilt. Hell, if you can't have fulfilling sex with your bf then why have a bf?

    You should feel natural, intimate, fulfilled and happy with a bf. If the sex is terrible then he's not bf material in my book. Never underestimate the power of sexual chemistry to keep a relationship healthy.
     
  7. Catharsis

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    Well, I suppose I can just relate this issue to looking for sexual experience. I've been told that either you should know the tricks, or you should find someone patient enough to be willing to help teach you.

    Perhaps this is all new to him, too, (unless of course he's had some experience) but maybe he didn't want to experiment because he was afraid of failing the task (i.e. performance anxiety). I'm not sure how it would work, but did you ask him to try out different stuff while expecting him to know what to do? If so and he wasn't willing to try, then I guess I can see where the frustration comes in.
     
  8. 407eightinch

    407eightinch New Member

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    There was no pressure on my behalf, simply suggestions. There was no expectations, no "failing" I just want willingness, and a desire to satisfy the other...
     
  9. D_Rufus_D_Dufus

    D_Rufus_D_Dufus Account Disabled

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    I think you should've been upfront about it and tell him how you really feel.
     
  10. Catharsis

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    Yeah, I was speaking from my mind and heart. I don't have a lot of experience (between my two relationships, I've had sex a total of three times), so I would hate to be dumped just because of sex. But then again, I'd also be willing to learn new things in bed if I need to.

    I can see where you're coming from, now, and if he's not even willing to try and shows no future intentions, then I can see why you would want to break it off.
     
  11. 407eightinch

    407eightinch New Member

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    I wasn't "upfront" in telling him why because I'm not into hurting feelings... Me telling him would only hurt his feelings and possibly give him some sort sexual performance anxiety. No need to scar someone for not fitting into what I want for sex. Sexual performance anxiety sucks and is hard to get over... Trust me.
     
  12. Sklar

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    A relationship should never be based on sex. A true relationship should be well balanced but when one part of the relationship is out of whack then it becomes the entire relationship.

    Honesty should always be paramount, if you can't be honest with the one you're with you'll never be honest at all. Man up and tell him why.

    Sklar
     
  13. D_Rufus_D_Dufus

    D_Rufus_D_Dufus Account Disabled

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    How long were you together?
     
  14. 407eightinch

    407eightinch New Member

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    6-7 months, I know not much to some...
     
  15. Ben_c

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    Not really no, everyone has different sexual drives and sometimes people with a higher sex drive can get fustrated with those who have a very low sex drive. I've broke up with gf's before where it wasnt happening sexually due to them not wanting sex as often as I did and stalling on sex due to fear of size etc. So basically theres got to be common ground in a realtionship and sex can be a very important part of a realtionship, so if its not working from the off no reason not to end it and move on.
     
  16. D_Rufus_D_Dufus

    D_Rufus_D_Dufus Account Disabled

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    I think you should sit down and talk to him, explain how your feeling and see what he says, maybe you'll see where he's coming from. Hopefully you guys can compromise on something and make it work.
     
  17. Incocknito

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    Sex is important. You can pretend that sex is separate from the relationship but the two are intertwined.

    If you have good sex with someone, generally the relationship will be good as well.

    If you have bad sex with someone (or even no sex at all) then the relationship will deteriorate and become bad if it wasn't already.

    For example, if someone cares about you and is turned on by you then generally they will at least try to please you sexually.

    I would say that you are doing the right thing.
     
  18. Stephenmass

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    I think it depends if ALL the other parts of the relationship are healthy. If they are, and you are not being honest with him in a kind way why, then you didn't give him a chance to change if you felt he was worth keeping IMO.
     
  19. D_Ernest Porknine

    D_Ernest Porknine New Member

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    I have struggled with a similar experience on the past when I had a couple of affairs with women that had a sexual appetite that matched or even exceeded mine. The sex was out of this world compared to what I got at home however they could not fill all of my other passions in life nor shared many of the views etc that my wife shares with me, thus is great sex enough to offer and let everything else go? In the end it was not.

    However I am again at a point in my life where I find myself very frustrated with my wife's disinterest or Passion in sex. We are also drifting apart in other ways which tends to make me think about cheating again.
     
  20. Touch_here

    Touch_here Member

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    It sounds like you 2 were not compatible at all, never-mind sex. Sexual failures or incompatibilities on one partner's end will likely expose weaknesses in the relationship for many couples. Sex is important, as that's been well established. It shouldn't and isn't the end-all be-all of a relationship. Some people have flourishing relationships post one partner losing their ability to perform sexually (injury/paralysis). If someone is in perfect health and they are a "prude," counseling might be an option IF the relationship has a solid construct. But as I started off with, it sounds like you guys weren't compatible to begin with if you've given up at this point. Right or wrong, it's best you both move on and use this as a learning experience.
     
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