the shitty way society treats male victims of sexual abuse.

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

It pisses me off that society puts such stigmas on rape victims.

If you're male? You probably liked it because everyone knows men are just horny and want to fuck everything with a hole and a heartbeat.

If you're female? You were probably looking for it, especially if you showed too much skin.

If you're fat/ugly/stupid? You're probably lying because nobody could possibly want you.

If the rapist is rich, famous or both? You're looking for a payout.

Date rape isn't any better. Somehow, people miss the point that even if one consents to sex and there is penetration, the minute one partner says "no" and chooses to stop the act it's over. Initial consent does not take away a person's right to refuse later on.

To Nico: :grouphug:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

that's exactly what i'm talking about.

i'm sorry you had to put up with so much.
thank you for sharing your experience.

Thank you Ms D. I just hoped to shed some light on this. A lot of guys who have been through this have faced similar. People need to be made aware, especially when there reactions to being told can have either a wonderful positive, or depression spawnning negative, effect.

Oh, Nico! You are exactly the kind of man I was talking about - truly brave and truly strong. You have to be so much stronger and braver in order to get support or to get justice. What is also amazing is that you have stayed a genuine, kind and good human being.....can't wait to meet you one day! *big smooshie hugs*

Just wish I had gone for the justice aspect. That is the orther part:guilt that the bastard who did it to me most likely was free to do it to someone else. I will carry that with me forever. And that's another aspect that people can be callous when inquiring about the "how could you let him walk to be free to do it again" people.

Sending you a huge hug Nico.

Thank you so much for being brave and sharing your story with us.
It's such a humbling experience to be trusted with something that has cause you so much pain.

You are a wonderfully strong guy.

Thank you.

Your very welcome, though I don't see myself as being all that wonderful or strong. I am just me. and this is something that needs to be discussed. Othrwise nothing is ever going to change. It just won't.

I am truly so sorry for your experience and its aftermatch. I didn't realize that the attitudes in society would be that bad. I wish I knew someone like you in real life so I wouldn't have been so carefree about making a post in the women's issues forum about men being raped (although it concerned a situation in which woman was being the rapist). But as AlteredEgo said, rape is rape. I wish I wasn't so ignorant to understand the full effect of what was said to me in that thread.

I suppose I am too immature to look at societal behavior beyond how I personally would feel or react, because I would never be so judgmental toward a person who was raped, no matter the gender or race or sexuality or age.

My thoughts on you being a great and strong person are only reinforced by this (as LaFemme mentioned), but I'm genuinely sorry you had to experience it at all.

Catharses, you have always been aces in my book. Takes alot to admit to a mistake. That in and of itself shows just how NOT immature you are. Your a good guy. :hug: And as for knowing someone "in real life"? First can i say i hate that term, "real life"? I refer "offline". Nothing stopping you from getting to no me. May be online life, but I assure you I am very much real, and any association would be real too:wink:. Now as for your offline life and having made a faux pass online? Just be the kind person you are, and you will ake a difference to anyone going through this. And that is wonderful difference indeed. :hug:

:hug: on Mr. Nico.

:hug: back.

i viewed your post because, after your comment in the other thread, i wanted to see what you had to say.
you don't seem so immature right now.

it takes a big man to make a post like that and mean it. it was genuine and from the heart.
i'm glad for you that you have taken something positive from his terrible experiences, that you can start to understand the impact of society's attitudes on the victims.

not that it's important, but would like you to know that i've taken you off ignore. you've impressed me. you're a better person than you were yesterday.

He's a good kid (sorry to refer to you as a kid Catharses, i don't mean it in a belittling way but an in endearing way:redface wish i had known him when it had happened to me.

You heard my thoughts on this some time ago, but I wanted to join in the hug fest :biggrin1:. You deserve every single one of those hugs :hug:.

I too am horrified by the lack of support and understanding for men who have been through rape or sexual abuse. An ex of mine was sexually abused as a child, as were many of my female friends and family members. From my discussions with all these people, it does indeed seem as though males have it much worse.

You and Dante were the firt people who got the full story. I will be sharing that with the LPSG membership t large fairly soon. Gives me the not so nice queezies, but i think it could possibly help.

You are another person I wish I had known back then. :hug: Glad to know you NOW. :kiss:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

It pisses me off that society puts such stigmas on rape victims.

If you're male? You probably liked it because everyone knows men are just horny and want to fuck everything with a hole and a heartbeat.

If you're female? You were probably looking for it, especially if you showed too much skin.

If you're fat/ugly/stupid? You're probably lying because nobody could possibly want you.

If the rapist is rich, famous or both? You're looking for a payout.

Date rape isn't any better. Somehow, people miss the point that even if one consents to sex and there is penetration, the minute one partner says "no" and chooses to stop the act it's over. Initial consent does not take away a person's right to refuse later on.

To Nico: :grouphug:

I didn't see this when posting just now! You rock girl!:hug:

And you touched on the other part of my problem (as subgirrl already knows), I was date raped. Yeah, try getting any sympathy from people as a gay man, date raped. Peopl think "oh, sure right, he wanted it":frown1:

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I didn't see this when posting just now! You rock girl!:hug:

And you touched on the other part of my problem (as subgirrl already knows), I was date raped. Yeah, try getting any sympathy from people as a gay man, date raped. Peopl think "oh, sure right, he wanted it":frown1:

Nico, the treatment you've received over this is absolutely revolting. I'm glad you spoke out here because people need to know that these stigmas are bullshit. Men are just as likely to be victims of violence as women. People need to start changing their views or victims will continue to suffer in silence. The only way to do this is to speak out, so thank you for doing so. :kiss:

 

[Intrigue]

Be a man accused of raping a woman, with no evidence that it's true. You'll rot in jail.

Be a woman accused of raping a man, with photographic evidence and witnesses. You'll be home by dinnertime. If your day was interrupted at all.

And you base this on what? Your own personal bigotry? Best to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

 

[Intrigue]

I am truly so sorry for your experience and its aftermatch. I didn't realize that the attitudes in society would be that bad. I wish I knew someone like you in real life so I wouldn't have been so carefree about making a post in the women's issues forum about men being raped (although it concerned a situation in which woman was being the rapist). But as AlteredEgo said, rape is rape. I wish I wasn't so ignorant to understand the full effect of what was said to me in that thread.

I suppose I am too immature to look at societal behavior beyond how I personally would feel or react, because I would never be so judgmental toward a person who was raped, no matter the gender or race or sexuality or age.

My thoughts on you being a great and strong person are only reinforced by this (as LaFemme mentioned), but I'm genuinely sorry you had to experience it at all.

*HighFive* That took chutzpah bub. Having the strength to admit your mistake and the wisdom to learn from it are huge to me. Glad you could achieve that. It not that common.

 

[Intrigue]

@Nico

Sorry, I didnt want to repost your post. I just wanted to say we here support you. Its tragic that you experienced that. What I find more tragic was how some of your "friends" treated you. Not a friend in my book. *Intorwebz hugz* (the phone and the emoticons don't play nice)
I'm just glad we have people like you to contribute and share these experiences. It gives those people who can't speak a voice. THAT is the greatest thing you could have done. Don't worry about your attacker getting away, I know that helps little if at all, because you cannot change the past. It is gone. You did what you could with what you had. What you do now, and with the rest of your life is important. And from what I can see, limited though it may be, you are doing great bub.

 

[Catharsis]

i viewed your post because, after your comment in the other thread, i wanted to see what you had to say.
you don't seem so immature right now.

it takes a big man to make a post like that and mean it. it was genuine and from the heart.
i'm glad for you that you have taken something positive from his terrible experiences, that you can start to understand the impact of society's attitudes on the victims.

not that it's important, but would like you to know that i've taken you off ignore. you've impressed me. you're a better person than you were yesterday.

Thank you. I think you'll find that what I've said in that thread is not representative of me as a person or even necessarily a member on here. I didn't realize I was being so immature until I re-read the thread to see what I couldn't originally see, but my eyes weren't truly opened until Nico came open to us with his experience. I honestly didn't know that circumstances were so skewed...

I say that I'm open-minded and will accept input from whatever any one has to say, but I wasn't doing that in the thread and I realize now what I said in that thread was, indeed, very immature on my part. I'm just sorry I couldn't realize it earlier, because in all honesty, I really don't view myself as an immature individual, just simplyone with not as much experience as many of the members here.

Catharses, you have always been aces in my book. Takes alot to admit to a mistake. That in and of itself shows just how NOT immature you are. Your a good guy. :hug: And as for knowing someone "in real life"? First can i say i hate that term, "real life"? I refer "offline". Nothing stopping you from getting to no me. May be online life, but I assure you I am very much real, and any association would be real too:wink:. Now as for your offline life and having made a faux pass online? Just be the kind person you are, and you will ake a difference to anyone going through this. And that is wonderful difference indeed. :hug:

. . .

He's a good kid (sorry to refer to you as a kid Catharses, i don't mean it in a belittling way but an in endearing way:redface wish i had known him when it had happened to me.

Thank you Nico, I really appreciate it. I don't mind being referred to as physically young (because it's true), but I'm just not a big fan of being treated as mentally young when I know that I'm truly better than that for my age. I'll have to be more careful with what I post in the future to try to convince you guys of that.

I see what you mean about "real life" as opposed to "offline life", and yes, you're right. You are indeed real, and so I just wish I knew you offline, then. :tongue: Much more personal than knowing you online.

 

[Intrigue]

I see what you mean about "real life" as opposed to "offline life", and yes, you're right. You are indeed real, and so I just wish I knew you offline, then. :tongue: Much more personal than knowing you online.

You would very surprised at how personal online interaction can be. :wink:

 

[LaFemme]

@Nico - don't feel bad about not going after "justice". Lots of people don't - men AND women. You get vilified in court and very little justice is given, if any. You survived and that's the most important thing. Again, I'll say it - not only did you survive, but you became the beautiful human being that you are. Someone I am proud to know! *more hugs*

 

[helgaleena]

I'm very glad of the way support has evidenced itself here on this thread. More goup hugs. :grouphug:

Rape is rape, and justice is flawed, just like our cultures.

 

[Intrigue]

I'm very glad of the way support has evidenced itself here on this thread. More goup hugs. :grouphug:

Rape is rape, and justice is flawed, just like our cultures.

From what little I know of the justice system it is a severely flawed system that is easily bypassed. I am glad in a way nico didnt go after him. I'm not saying that he should have gotten away, but what price would poor nico have paid for going after the guy? Years of torment, being dragged through the judicial system, media. I know we need to hunt guys like that down and get them off the streets so they can't hurt anyone. But I think the media has far too much access to court cases that are honestly too delicate to be public.

 

[B_subgirrl]

You and Dante were the firt people who got the full story. I will be sharing that with the LPSG membership t large fairly soon. Gives me the not so nice queezies, but i think it could possibly help.

I felt truly honoured that you trusted me enough that you felt you could share it.

You are another person I wish I had known back then. :hug: Glad to know you NOW. :kiss:

Vice versa :kiss:.

I say that I'm open-minded and will accept input from whatever any one has to say, but I wasn't doing that in the thread and I realize now what I said in that thread was, indeed, very immature on my part. I'm just sorry I couldn't realize it earlier, because in all honesty, I really don't view myself as an immature individual, just simplyone with not as much experience as many of the members here.

You acted immaturely in the other thread, but anyone who has the ability to reassess their actions and admit to their mistakes the way you have in this thread, is a truly mature individual :smile:.

 

[molotovmuffin]

Rebekah Brooks (nee Wade), Rupert Murdoch's protege, was arrested for allegedly assulting her husband. Ross Kemp - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jesse James is another who was abused by a wife.
Jesse James (customizer) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

that attitude sucks,
but at least it ensures funding for support.

I don't believe in raising girls to be "victims" though.

Depends on where you stand on the feminism issue ultimately. I will not even start going on about "Muslim Males" and England debate!

Not ironic and never acceptable. The difference is that it can be understandable if a woman is overpowered by a man - generally speaking - and so there is less "shame" for having been. For a man to be victimized especially in certain ways, says that he cannot protect himself let alone a SO, or family. The societal implications of his failure are more harsh. That's not to suggest it is easier by any means for a female victim. They are just viewed very differently.

I will add the irony because men do harm to men far more frequently (and often far worse) than they will do to women. Yet men are expected to grin and bear it (or grin and bare it, often). I honestly don't have any positive input to add to the thread as a whole besides the general loathing of men who have the sole purpose of harming others.

 

[helgaleena]

Orca, your outrage is also a contribution. Thank you.

 

[pomaz59]

dave chappelle addressed this issue here:

‪Dave Chappelle - Man Rape‬‏ - YouTube

(particularly at 1:19)

 

[B_thickjohnny]

My cousin and I were both molested by an uncle when we were younger. It affected him much worse than how it affected me. He was furious with his mother and father for questioning what happened and asking stupid questions like "was there penetration?". My mother and father were a little more supportive. But that said they still asked over the single uncle for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. He still got invited to baptisms and weddings while my cousins family completely tossed the uncle to the curb. My brothers still see our uncle and know the entire story and wonder why I have an issue with them staying in communication with him. They almost disowned me when I ask them not to invite the uncle to family functions.

Now my cousin is finally getting something back from his years of therapy. He wrote a letter to uncle through his lawyer and asked for a reply and a face to face. That should happen soon. He wants me to come with him.

My only worry is that my cousin is doing this because he's broke and needs money and I just got this funny feeling that he's going to ask uncle to pay up "or else".

 

[monel]

My cousin and I were both molested by an uncle when we were younger. It affected him much worse than how it affected me. He was furious with his mother and father for questioning what happened and asking stupid questions like "was there penetration?". My mother and father were a little more supportive. But that said they still asked over the single uncle for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. He still got invited to baptisms and weddings while my cousins family completely tossed the uncle to the curb. My brothers still see our uncle and know the entire story and wonder why I have an issue with them staying in communication with him. They almost disowned me when I ask them not to invite the uncle to family functions.

Now my cousin is finally getting something back from his years of therapy. He wrote a letter to uncle through his lawyer and asked for a reply and a face to face. That should happen soon. He wants me to come with him.

My only worry is that my cousin is doing this because he's broke and needs money and I just got this funny feeling that he's going to ask uncle to pay up "or else".

Strange how your family reacted. Were I in your shoes I would have regarded their behavior as a betryal.

 

[dolfette]

Strange how your family reacted. Were I in your shoes I would have regarded their behavior as a betryal.

not that strange really.
my sister was shocked when i told her i wasn't happy with her staying friends with my rapist ex bf. she didn't see why it should bother me.
there have been family get togethers where he was invited and i was not.