The Size of a Friend
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ConanTheBarber
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A 13-month boner? And a good one?
You should celebrate.
I've been told I should see a Dr...
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well, considering that the original poster hasn't logged on here since sometime in June, I wouldn't suggest that we hold our breath in anticipation of further chapters.....
I'm really sorry about the long break, but school always comes first. I am very happy though, because since I finished my program last month I have officially started writing again. To be perfectly honest I'm also filling my time with other things that I've been putting off for the past several months (books, video games, ect.) but finishing "The Size of a Friend" is 100% on my "To do" list.
I know that its probably a case of "too little, too late" but just know that in the next few days I'll post the next section of Derik's story.
I know that its probably a case of "too little, too late" but just know that in the next few days I'll post the next section of Derik's story.
ConanTheBarber
Legendary Member
bigger_is_better
Experimental Member
* * *
Although it had been close to five years since Diana and Monica had spent time together it instantly felt like they were old friends again.
“… and that’s the quick story about how my teaching certificate is apparently worth next to nothing.” Monica took an extra-large scoop of ice cream and pointed it at Diana like a tiny, tasty spear. “Don’t be fooled by the world, supermodel, it sucks. Bad.”
Even though the level of vitriol in Monica’s voice had reached a new high, Diana knew that it wasn’t really directed at her. They had spent the last three hours catching up and Diana was slowing starting to learn how life had dealt her friend a pretty poor hand. Last time they had seen each other they were college students, both on the apparent path of success, Monica heading towards her Master’s in Education and Diana towards hers in Library Science. Diana had gone to school abroad, finished her program, and had a pretty nice career, which had eventually lead her back to her home town. Monica on the other hand, had flunked out of her program, within that same year started it up again… only to flunk out again, and then after a third time succeeded in finally receiving her diploma… only for her to learn that her area simply wasn’t hiring new teachers. A few months ago an English teacher for one of the local high schools retired and that open position received over eight applicants… in three days. Monica was one of them, but she hadn’t received so much as a call back. Her resume had been simply lost in the flood.
Diana took a scoop out of her own carton and gave her friend a smile. She hoped that it didn’t look like a “pity smile.”
“I don’t know about the whole world sucking. You seem to be doing pretty well in the social department.”
As she said this she looked around Monica’s apartment and stared in wonder at all of Monica’s trophies from her various adventures. There were numerous souvenirs and trinkets from all of the places she had visited seemingly tucked in every nook and cranny of her apartment. A row of snow globes from various locales stared down at her from atop the kitchen countertop. Behind them on the fridge were dozens of photos of Monica and friends smiling and posing as if they were having the times of their lives, all of them held to the fridge by magnets from different places of the country. The coat rack near the door to the small apartment was practically weighed down by different keepsakes all ranging from family friendly (a set of dried out leis from Hawaii) to not-so-family-friendly (a shiny medal with a blue ribbon that read: “Best Ass of Vegas!”).
It was hard for Diana not to feel a little jealous. Sure, she had been able to live in France for a bit, but she had been either in class or at work practically the entire time. It wasn’t exactly what she would call a vacation. In fact, when was the last vacation she went on?
Monica followed her gaze across the room.
“Yeah, I’ve had some fun all right,” her eyes settled on a photo of her and a friend posing with giant moustaches on their faces, “but I’m still paying for all of it.” She frowned, “I’m in some serious debt, Di.”
Diana had figured as much, but didn’t want to say anything. Being fiscally responsible had never been one of Monica’s strong suits.
“Anyway,” Monica continued, “I would give it up for a job I didn’t despise.” She took another scoop and kept the cold spoon in her mouth, letting the ice cream slowly melt in her mouth.
Diana didn’t think this was true, but she kept her mouth shut. She couldn’t deny that Monica’s current job of teaching computer basics to senior citizens at the community college was a far cry from an elementary class full of adorable kids, but she didn’t think that her job could be that bad. It wasn’t what Monica had envisioned for herself, but it was still a job and as much as Monica wanted to deny it, it 100% used her teaching degree, just in a way she hadn’t planned. But not wanting to start their renewed relationship off on the wrong foot, she kept these thoughts to herself.
It was a little ironic though. Diana had her dream job (she had wanted to be a librarian since she was six when she used to force her mother to “check out” cookbooks from the bookshelf in the living room), but in pursuing her goal of becoming a librarian, she seemed to have missed out on getting a chance to really live her life. Monica had been able to have a ton of fun since the last time Diana had saw her, but she was at a job she clearly didn’t enjoy. Diana scrapped the bottom of her ice cream carton and mused about how funny life was at times.
Upon seeing each other at the library they had started to catch up, but they were both immediately shushed by Diana’s supervisor, Ms. Alvey, a woman so old that there was a rumor that the library had been simply built around her one day and she decided to become a librarian. Although a moment ago she had been nowhere to be seen, she seemingly materialized out of thin air the second their conversation rose above a respectful whisper. With the withering stare of Ms. Alvey upon them, they both agreed to do hang out after Diana’s shift. A few hours later she met Monica at her place and was pleasantly surprised to see two cartons of rocky road ice cream sitting on the counter just begging to be eaten. Dishing over ice cream had been one of their favorite activities when they were college roommates, and it was heartening to know that Monica had remembered after all these years.
Diana looked down at her empty carton with a mix of regret and loss. It had been a long time since she had eaten this much ice cream and she didn’t feel very good about it; contrary to popular belief, models don’t usually eat entire cartons of ice cream in one sitting. Good thing those days are behind her.
“Come on, girl. Look at all this!” She waved her hand around the room. “Look at all the places you’ve been! I wish I’ve been to half the places you’ve been.”
Monica scrunched up her nose.
“I can tell you one place I haven’t been: Paris.” She scooped out the final bit of ice cream from her carton and tossed it at the trash. It missed by a foot and a half, but since Monica didn’t move to get it Diana decided to leave it alone as well. “We can’t all be supermodels.”
She was clearly half joking, but there was some obvious jealously in her voice. Diana had seen it happen enough times with her friends that she knew it was going to happen, but it never felt any better.
She strengthened her cardigan. “Please. I told you it was one job. And I was working half the time. Don’t be a hater.” She tossed her own carton at the trash and it bounced off the rim landing a few feet from Monica’s. “If I remember correctly, even though you’re not a model you’ve always done well in the guy department.”
Although Monica had once told her about her awkward high school years, she still had a hard time believing it. As long as Diana had known her, Monica had always been a supremely confident woman regardless of how society told her she should feel about her body. Back then she was always out partying (now that Diana thought about it that may have contributed to her flunking out twice…) and she always seemed to be guiding a different man back to their room after every party. She “got around” but she didn’t care who knew. She was just living life, and judging from the number of men in many of the photos in the apartment it seemed as if for the past five years she had continued the tradition.
Monica laughed to herself. “Yeah, well that well has dried up as well, so to speak. I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately.” She poked Diana in the side. “How about you?”
Diana gave an exaggerated sigh.
“I think I’ve been in a slump for the past couple of years.”
“Oh, really? I find that hard to believe, Ms. Supermodel.”
“I’m partially convinced that I’m destined to become a crazy, old spinster… and you better knock that off before I have to choke a bitch.”
Monica laughed at the reference to one of their regular jokes and shook her head. Back then they were always threatening to choke a bitch whenever something didn’t go their way. A bad grade. A stolen parking space. A person being a major bitch.
“Really? All that time in Paris and you didn’t get any French dick?”
“Okay so first of all, I didn’t live in Paris, I just visited it a few times and …”
“Oh la ti da. “ Monica used her best fancy French accent, which really wasn’t very good. “You only got to visit Paris, I see. Do continue.”
She gave Diana a mocking stare that took her instantly back to her college years. They used to rip on each other like this all of the time and it was borderline alarming how quickly they had resumed their old routine. It was comforting to know that things really haven’t changed between the two of them despite their years spent apart.
She returned Monica’s look with a look that she was hoping was reminiscent of Ms. Alvey’s threatening stare.
“As I was saying, you would be surprised how many men feel threatened by the fact that I’ve worked as a model. Sure, I can get dates, that’s easy, but they all get scared once they learn about it.” As she talked she kept an eye on the two empty ice cream cartons; it was kind of driving her nuts how Monica didn’t mind leaving them on the floor. It was just another thing that hadn’t changed about her friend.
Monica put her hands up in a stopping motion.
“Hold up, sister. You’re saying you have trouble finding a man? What about that guy earlier today? Mr. library stalker?”
“I said man; it’s hard to find a man. He was nothing more than a boy trying to show off for his friends. I’ve had my fill of little boys, what I want now is a real man.”
Monica straightened up on the couch, she knew where this conversation was heading and she was eager to hear the details.
Diana gave another exaggerated sigh and let her body fall back onto the couch so that she was facing the ceiling. She stretched her legs across Monica’s lap. “What I would give for a good, old fashioned, big dick right about now.”
“You and me both, sister.”
After a few moments, Diana propped herself up onto her elbows to look at her friend.
“Monica, why did we have to grow up? Things were so much simpler back then,” she gave a sly smile, “…and fun.”
It wasn’t that Diana’s life was hard, far from it actually, it was just that her life seemed exceptionally busy. Busy with work and all that comes from being a grownup in the real world. Most of the time itt was certainly a far cry from anything resembling fun. She often found herself being nostalgic about her college years with her best friend; she hadn’t realized until just now how much she had missed Monica. Technically they had stayed in contact on Facebook, but that didn’t really count.
Monica patted Diana’s thigh, “yep, it all sucks, but now that you’re officially back we’ve got each other, right?” Her face brightened up as a thought occurred to her. “Hey, how about a trip down memory lane?” She pushed Diana’s legs off of her and stood up. “You want a big dick? Well, you won’t believe what I’ve kept!”
Monica ran off towards her bedroom, leaving Diana looking confused on the couch. She really had no clue what her friend was talking about.
After a few moments, and much slamming of drawers being opened and closed, Monica entered the room presenting a small moleskin journal as if it was a priceless artifact.
“Tell me you remember this!”
Diana couldn’t believe her eyes. Upon remembering what they kept in the journal she felt her face get instantly red. Monica noticed this right away.
“Awww, how adorable is that?! You know what? I’m starting to believe you about your dry spell.”
She sat down next to her friend and opened the small, nondescript notebook.
Diana gave an exaggerated sigh.
“I think I’ve been in a slump for the past couple of years.”
“Oh, really? I find that hard to believe, Ms. Supermodel.”
“I’m partially convinced that I’m destined to become a crazy, old spinster… and you better knock that off before I have to choke a bitch.”
Monica laughed at the reference to one of their regular jokes and shook her head. Back then they were always threatening to choke a bitch whenever something didn’t go their way. A bad grade. A stolen parking space. A person being a major bitch.
“Really? All that time in Paris and you didn’t get any French dick?”
“Okay so first of all, I didn’t live in Paris, I just visited it a few times and …”
“Oh la ti da. “ Monica used her best fancy French accent, which really wasn’t very good. “You only got to visit Paris, I see. Do continue.”
She gave Diana a mocking stare that took her instantly back to her college years. They used to rip on each other like this all of the time and it was borderline alarming how quickly they had resumed their old routine. It was comforting to know that things really haven’t changed between the two of them despite their years spent apart.
She returned Monica’s look with a look that she was hoping was reminiscent of Ms. Alvey’s threatening stare.
“As I was saying, you would be surprised how many men feel threatened by the fact that I’ve worked as a model. Sure, I can get dates, that’s easy, but they all get scared once they learn about it.” As she talked she kept an eye on the two empty ice cream cartons; it was kind of driving her nuts how Monica didn’t mind leaving them on the floor. It was just another thing that hadn’t changed about her friend.
Monica put her hands up in a stopping motion.
“Hold up, sister. You’re saying you have trouble finding a man? What about that guy earlier today? Mr. library stalker?”
“I said man; it’s hard to find a man. He was nothing more than a boy trying to show off for his friends. I’ve had my fill of little boys, what I want now is a real man.”
Monica straightened up on the couch, she knew where this conversation was heading and she was eager to hear the details.
Diana gave another exaggerated sigh and let her body fall back onto the couch so that she was facing the ceiling. She stretched her legs across Monica’s lap. “What I would give for a good, old fashioned, big dick right about now.”
“You and me both, sister.”
After a few moments, Diana propped herself up onto her elbows to look at her friend.
“Monica, why did we have to grow up? Things were so much simpler back then,” she gave a sly smile, “…and fun.”
It wasn’t that Diana’s life was hard, far from it actually, it was just that her life seemed exceptionally busy. Busy with work and all that comes from being a grownup in the real world. Most of the time itt was certainly a far cry from anything resembling fun. She often found herself being nostalgic about her college years with her best friend; she hadn’t realized until just now how much she had missed Monica. Technically they had stayed in contact on Facebook, but that didn’t really count.
Monica patted Diana’s thigh, “yep, it all sucks, but now that you’re officially back we’ve got each other, right?” Her face brightened up as a thought occurred to her. “Hey, how about a trip down memory lane?” She pushed Diana’s legs off of her and stood up. “You want a big dick? Well, you won’t believe what I’ve kept!”
Monica ran off towards her bedroom, leaving Diana looking confused on the couch. She really had no clue what her friend was talking about.
After a few moments, and much slamming of drawers being opened and closed, Monica entered the room presenting a small moleskin journal as if it was a priceless artifact.
“Tell me you remember this!”
Diana couldn’t believe her eyes. Upon remembering what they kept in the journal she felt her face get instantly red. Monica noticed this right away.
“Awww, how adorable is that?! You know what? I’m starting to believe you about your dry spell.”
She sat down next to her friend and opened the small, nondescript notebook.
ConanTheBarber
Legendary Member
bigger_is_better
Experimental Member
I love this story, man. But you need to chill on this cliffhanger trolling nonsense.
You should wait to finish the entire thing and post it. The serial format doesn't suit what you're trying to accomplish. Especially if your life is too busy. You just posted after months of absence and you ended on another cliffhanger, as if somehow we could still remember every single mundane detail over the course of this incredibly detailed plot. It's like picking up in the middle of Game of Thrones season 4 without having watched the show in 3 months (wait, who are all these people and why do we care that they're dying?) Those cliffhanger endings only work if you are posting updates with regularity. That builds tension. If you wait long enough, you lose all the tension you built. What you think is teasing and building anticipation is actually doing the opposite: blueballing everyone who loves this story (including me).
If you're truly writing this for you and not for an audience, just write it and post it when it's done. Stop trying to be cute with it. I hate to see a great story mishandled.
As always, it's your work. My criticism is not absolute. You can take it or leave it. And if I'm ranting at such length, you're clearly doing something right
You should wait to finish the entire thing and post it. The serial format doesn't suit what you're trying to accomplish. Especially if your life is too busy. You just posted after months of absence and you ended on another cliffhanger, as if somehow we could still remember every single mundane detail over the course of this incredibly detailed plot. It's like picking up in the middle of Game of Thrones season 4 without having watched the show in 3 months (wait, who are all these people and why do we care that they're dying?) Those cliffhanger endings only work if you are posting updates with regularity. That builds tension. If you wait long enough, you lose all the tension you built. What you think is teasing and building anticipation is actually doing the opposite: blueballing everyone who loves this story (including me).
If you're truly writing this for you and not for an audience, just write it and post it when it's done. Stop trying to be cute with it. I hate to see a great story mishandled.
As always, it's your work. My criticism is not absolute. You can take it or leave it. And if I'm ranting at such length, you're clearly doing something right
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