After finding this forum last night, the part of my body that felt most affected was -- my heart. Sometimes when I think I have fully realized just how deep this issue of penis, having a penis, being male, penis size, etc., can go, I am then amazed to see how it is so deep that I just can't gasp it. Being that I'm a "newbie," and being that this is a rather, um, unusual view, I fear it may scare some of you away, but I'm going to share this anyway because it's heartfelt and honest. I'm very interested in psychology and spirituality. I always have been. And because I grew up in an all-female family with no father in the house and no older brothers, I have always been sort of struggling to find out "what it means to be a man." Over the last several years, I have read three books that have dealt with this issue of penis, or "phallos," the psychology and spirituality of being male: PHALLOS: SACRED IMAGE OF THE MASCULINE by Eugene Monick http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearc...260&TXT=Y&itm=1 CASTRATION AND MALE RAGE: THE PHALLIC WOUND by Eugene Monick http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearc...919123511&itm=2 THE PHALLUS: SACRED SYMBOL OF MALE CREATIVE POWER http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearc...892815566&itm=7 To paraphase, all of the above books basically say that the "phallus" (erect penis) is a highly spiritual symbol, and actually the MAIN spiritual symbol of all civilizations throughout all time. Phallus worship is one thing that all civilizations have had in common. And the last book I mention above says that even the Christian cross itself began as a phallus symbol! The second book (written by a Jungian analyst) says that many men suffer from a fear of castration anxiety, and that to feel that one's penis is not good enough or that one may be in danger of losing one's penis (either literally or metaphorically) is a loss of soul. The first book says that for a man, to have an erection is actually "an encounter with the soul." Because we live in a society (particularly the USA) that is "modern" and is sort of uncomfortable with sexuality in general, this topic seems very odd, I know. It even seems a bit crazy. I mean, most of us don't think that when we get erections it is anything spiritual. We usually think of it as being just the result of horiness or from having to urinate (such as when we wake up with erections). But lately I am seeing that it is very true that for us men, the penis is a sacred symbol. It's so easy to laugh it off (typing this out right now, I can just imagine there are some women out there rolling their eyes, going, "Oh, you stupid guys with your penises. Now you're saying your fixation is 'spiritual'? Yeah right.") I hope I haven't scared too many of you with this. Part of me thinks that I shouldn't mention all of this because I'm new to the board. But the thing is, I was so moved by some of what I read on this forum last night that I was almost in tears, and coming here and reading some of what you guys have written only furthered my understanding that in some ways this is indeed a spiritual topic. I'm going to have to log off now, before I just go on and on and on, but before I do I wanted to say that I feel a real sort of brotherhood with all of you, which is also very beautiful because on this forum I see something that you don't always see in the "real world" -- men of different orientations talking about the prime symbol of being male. So fuckin' beautiful! Okay, that's all for now. Thanks. EDIT: See, I just go on and on.... I forgot to mention, the book that introduced me to this entire topic is this book: ABSENT FATHERS, LOST SONS by Guy Corneau http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearc...030&TXT=Y&itm=1 This book, as the title states, is geared towards men like me: men who did not grow up with fathers and who therefore feel they are lost. This book says that in order to feel like a man, the male must see himself reflected in "Phallos," the god of the erect penis. This is what led me to reading the three books I mentioned above.