The only person more shocking would have been Ayrton Senna.
I'm having a hard time believing this yet none of the other drivers they've had on have done this sort of thing and saying someone is The Stig if they're not, is a great way to piss off the real Stig so I tend to doubt this is fake.
Looks like I was wrong. It seems there are eight Stigs, not including his erstwhile relatives and reincarnations.
Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.
Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat.
Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue.
Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks this way [motioning his fingers in a horizontal fashion].
Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells.
Some say he naturally faces magnetic north and that all of his legs are hydraulic.
Some say that he lives in a tree and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees.
Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him.
Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts.
Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight.
Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground.
Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days.
Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks.
Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark.
Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott.
Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar.
Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds.
Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet.
Some say he invented Branson Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest.
Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.
Some say that his first name really is "The," and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant including the camera men.
Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs.
Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal.
Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week's Brit awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand.
Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modeled on Britney Spears' head.
Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve.
Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name.
Some say that he's banned from the town of Chichester and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.
...All we know is, he's called the Stig.
