The Straight Guy Crush…Help

[MerBoy]

Not the OP but I've talked to my guy some more since my last post in this thread and I think I'm understanding things better. I think he's straight, but is open enough to have some feelings for me, like I suspected he might... and... I don't think he's curious or confused, simply likes me in an emotional kind of way. I think I was afraid to be wrong, to be told that there was nothing there and it was all in my head, but that's not the case. So I'm kind of relieved rather than hurt or disappointed. It's probably never going to be 100% frustration free for me but ultimately it's a nice thing to have and I do not want to lose it. I'm lucky that he has been honest and patient as I slowly get into these topics with him to see where things stand. He did say he is confident in his sexuality, which I think is important for dealing with this maturely, for anyone else in a similar situation.

 

[MerBoy]

A bit more on my situation. I flirt with "my guy" sometimes and normally it's just dumb and for fun. I texted something a little more graphic than usual, so as a joke I wrote "oops wrong chat". So he wrote "oh really? interesting" and I thought, is that a bit of jealousy? Then I saw him, and he brought it up and said "what was that all about, you got me jealous". I explained what happened but I didn't press the jealousy issue (I would have been jealous if it were the other way around). It's got me thinking, does this still fit into him liking me in an emotional kind of way like I said in my last post, or is it a little more than that now. Or maybe it's nothing?

 

[lordassriel]

Well tell us what the text said!

 

[sexy1234567]

A bit more on my situation. I flirt with "my guy" sometimes and normally it's just dumb and for fun. I texted something a little more graphic than usual, so as a joke I wrote "oops wrong chat". So he wrote "oh really? interesting" and I thought, is that a bit of jealousy? Then I saw him, and he brought it up and said "what was that all about, you got me jealous". I explained what happened but I didn't press the jealousy issue (I would have been jealous if it were the other way around). It's got me thinking, does this still fit into him liking me in an emotional kind of way like I said in my last post, or is it a little more than that now. Or maybe it's nothing?

If it was a dick pic you sent, he could have been giving you a compliment?

 

[MerBoy]

If it was a dick pic you sent, he could have been giving you a compliment?

No it was just a flirty/ sexual comment I guess he was wondering who it was meant for if not him.

 

[sexy1234567]

No it was just a flirty/ sexual comment I guess he was wondering who it was meant for if not him.

His first time seeing your boner?

 

[Meisme]

Don't fantasize too much, maybe he's just having fun, joking, or maybe just enjoying feeling your attraction for him.
Live your life without viewing him as a romantic option.
If something has to happen, it will. If not, you won't be hurt.

 

[UncleBobsuck]

This guy is my crush his straight a military family but I think he knows I like him, his handsome fit and a nice package..

 

[sexy1234567]

This guy is my crush his straight a military family but I think he knows I like him, his handsome fit and a nice package.. View attachment 89289741

How do you know that about the package?

 

[UncleBobsuck]

How do you know that about the package?

His big bulge

 

[UncleBobsuck]

How do you know that about the package?

 

[sexy1234567]

View attachment 89299281

Very nice. The arms are pretty damn impressive, too!

 

[UncleBobsuck]

Very nice. The arms are pretty damn impressive, too!

His a Military guy ...

Very nice. The arms are pretty damn impressive, too!

His Gifted

 

[Meisme]

Have you ever seen him shirtless ?

 

[KnightOMV]

This guy is my crush his straight a military family but I think he knows I like him, his handsome fit and a nice package..

I'm sure he would absolutely love you posting sexualized pictures of him on an online chat forum. Nothing turns a straight guy gay faster than a blatant violation of boundaries!

Sarcasm, obviously. I can only imagine that if he knew about this, you would no longer be friends - and he'd be in the right. Don't spread people's information without their consent, that's super not cool.

 

[sexy1234567]

I'm sure he would absolutely love you posting sexualized pictures of him on an online chat forum. Nothing turns a straight guy gay faster than a blatant violation of boundaries!

Sarcasm, obviously. I can only imagine that if he knew about this, you would no longer be friends - and he'd be in the right. Don't spread people's information without their consent, that's super not cool.

He did nothing of the sort. No name. Only a side profile and some body stuff. Don't be a buzzkill.

 

[gfforrent]

I've got something similar going on. I don't want to do anything to ruin the friendship but the not knowing is driving me crazy. And then I can't help but feel like I might lose him to someone else. I think the dynamic is just different between us than what he might get from a girl, so that appeals to him, but maybe he doesn't really have it in him to go further with it? Or doesn't want to deal with that? I talk my way around my feelings sometimes to give him a chance to speak. He just says everything's cool with him. I've told him I think the weirdness we have between us is sweet and I hope it's something we can always have. I like liking him.

Crushing will feel so good, usually at some point just past your personal acknowledgment of its presence, that we think all kinds of silly shit. I seriously thought I had control of its direction, I could steer its direction, and I could shut it off when I’m ready. After all, it’s just a lil crush.
Another poster here mentioned a crush is but a projection and determined to disappoint no matter what.
that has helped me sort out what a crush should be and how to recognize when untrustworthy feelings have made it easier for me to innocently label complicated feelings and ideas as only a crush.
crushes are not to be trusted. Tho I never learned to control their intensity or lifespan, I have learned to pay attention to the glimpses of reality that a crush would rather us not see. Those moments when we have allowed pain and disappointment and envy to stand alongside bubblegum cotton Candy, butterfly kisses and all the nonsense that makes up the pretty pictures we were just calling…. A crush.

 

[gfforrent]

You are so GD right

As others have stated, been down this road before. Usually doesn’t work out so great, but life is about experiencing and becoming a better person for it all so learn your lessons how you see fit. As messed up as these relationships can be, it does feel like pure bliss while you’re in that discovery period. Can’t fault you for wanting to experience that.

If you’re gonna go down this road, my advice to you would be stop thinking about his sexuality all together. That’s for him to figure out and to be honest it’s so complicated that only he can figure it out where he is on that spectrum. You only need to think about your own relationship with him and what you two are getting out of it and is it worth the energy. I’ve noticed in these types of relationships there’s a couple of needs these guys have:

- Emotional needs. Maybe his girlfriend is not someone he connects with outside of sex and other boring shit he’s subjected to by nature of living a heteronormative life. It sounds like he feels safe with you. That’s a good thing too, even if there is no sexual attraction. But also don’t let a bitch use you either.

- Sexual attraction/curiosity. Maybe it’s all guys or maybe it’s just you. Again we can never know at this stage, but sometimes these dudes just run across a baddy daddy and they can’t help themselves. Is it your walk? Your specific combination of the feminine and the masculine? Maybe you’re the one and only guy he’d ever even considered in bed. Who cares? Margaret Cho once said I’m “I-Sexual” as in do I wanna have sex with you? And for a joke it completely changed the way I viewed sexuality.

- Attention Seeking/Ego. I have met dudes who immediately upon finding out I’m gay will do everything they can to make sure I know they’re not only cool with it, but wanna know if I think they’re hot for the sake of their own ego. It’s almost like this flirt game to see if I’ll bite in order to prove they got it, whatever IT is. I used to fall for this, but You can have a lot of fun with these guys when you get good at spotting them. He doesn’t sound like this guy because he hangs out with you and sounds like there’s an emotional connection but sometimes that’s tied to attention seeking as well.

And it could be any combination of these simultaneously!

The last thing I’ll add is that people also change. I don’t know how long you will have this person in your life, but I’ve made some very long lasting friendships from relationships that have started out exactly as your are describing. Some of the friends who said they were straight specifically after they knew I was into them have come out as something other than straight And propositioned me for sex well after they got married to a woman and had kids. Sometimes I reject them for the sake of the friendship and sometimes it’s because they’re heteronormative life hasn’t aged them so well and they’re not attractive to me anymore. Then I laugh in gay childless youth all the way home with my money that’s just for me.

Good luck with wherever this takes you!

If this could be circulated in pamphlet- form …..

 

[sexy1234567]

Sad that this thread died. Honestly forgot about it, but I think there was some serious group therapy going on here. Valuable life lessons to share with others.