The Surprise of A Lifetime

Discussion in 'Fictitious Stories' started by xXIvory_heartbreaK, Nov 19, 2010.

  1. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    okay, so this is my first story ever, please tell me what you think about it!


    The Surprise of a Lifetime

    Today was the day that my Mom’s new husband, Neil, and his son would be moving in. My name is Lucas, and I’m 18 years old; I’m 5’ 8", with blonde hair, green eyes, and an average build, and a 7-inch cock. My stepbrothers name is Nick, and he’s the same age as me, but in the grade above me, and he’s about 6’ 3", with a football players build, dark brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and, according to the rumors at school, all the pussy he could ever want. I know what you’re thinking: what’s an 18-year-old doing still living at home? Well, I got held back a couple years at school, so I’m still a junior in high school. I’m older than all the other kids, but nobody bothers me because of that, and because I can buy cigarettes at the local gas station.
    As I was stuck in this train of though, I heard my door open. It was my new stepbrother, whose name was Nick. He had to stay in my room until the addition to the house was finished, which is where his room will be put, along with a guestroom, and a rec. room.
    "What’s up Nick?" I said, eyeing the bags he was bringing into my room.
    "Not shit, loser. Hey, why don’t you just move your shit off of the bed, so I can put my stuff on it?"
    "Nick, you do realize that just because you’re moving in doesn’t mean you can boss me around. This is still my room," I said back. Just then he pulled out the biggest bong I had ever seen. "What the fuck is that?!"
    " That’s called a bong, idiot. You smoke it." He looked at me with a funny expression. "But you’d know that already if you weren’t such a retard."
    "HEY! Don’t be a dick!" I said indignantly. "I know what it is, I just was wondering why you brought one into my room"
    "Well, that would spoil the fun. Now turn around" he said, starting to pull something out of a suitcase.
    "No, I won’t! This is my room, and I can look at whatever I want!" I declared, sitting down on the bed.
    "Okay, whatever you say!" is all he said. Then he started to strip.
    "What the fuck dude?!"
    "I’m changing my clothes, dumbass! I told you to turn around!"
    Oh. I looked at his hand, at turned out that all he pulled out was some clothes. I looked away, but then decided not to. I started fiddling with the string on the blue polo hoodie I was wearing. Then the pants come off. My curiosity getting the better of me, I looked away, but not all the way, so I could sneak a peak at what my stepbrother was packing. I was shocked when I saw a bulge so large that it looked like the seams would pop. Oh my god, I was looking at my stepbrother’s 9-inch hard-on, and I actually liked it! I looked away quickly, before he noticed me.
    "Like what you see, fag?" Too late.
    "Huh? What do you mean?"
    "I saw you looking. I’m not stupid."
    "Oh that. I was just seeing what kind of boxers you wore." I started to get up, but he came over and pushed me down.
    "Like I said, Lucas, I’m not an idiot. I saw you looking at my dick." He then kissed me, catching me completely off guard. All I could do was look at him, my mouth hanging open.
    "I’ll make a deal with you, okay? Don’t tell anybody and maybe more will happen. Okay?" I managed to nod, and break eye contact. He finished getting dressed just as my Mom opened the door.
    "Are you boys ready to go? Neil got us reservations at Olive Garden."
    "Yeah, Mom," Nick answered. "Be there in a minute." He picked up his wallet, put it in his back pocket, and looked at me one more time. "And Lucas? We’ll be spending a lot more time together, so you might wanna start getting used to it."
     
  2. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    I know, it's not good, but at least it's literate!
     
  3. themysis

    themysis New Member

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  4. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    hah, im working on it! well now, i am. i wasnt gonna make more, because i thought it sucked >_>
     
  5. jockstrapfetish

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    Hmmm
    For a first try it was okay... but your right it was legable which is more then I can say for a few stories around, some tips for improvment , was a little rushed you should slow it down and stretch it out just a bit not to much, you have a great soon to be plot if you play your cards right so gl look forward to more
    -A
     
  6. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    Thank you jockstrapfetish, and for anybody else who reads it, any advice is appreciated. Just got back from Detroit, so I'm gonna start on Chapter Two tomorrow. Wish me luck:)
     
  7. Jasik

    Jasik New Member

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    I have to say I think he hit it dead on, can't wait for more
     
  8. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT! AND NOW HERE IS PART TWO OF THIS STORY!
    Part Two
    Well, a week has passed, with nothing odd happening. I think that maybe what happened was really just my over-active imagination tricking me. A part of me gets sad at this thought, because it really was a nice kiss, and Nick is an extremely handsome person. While thinking this, my door opens, and Nick walks in.
    "Hey, Mom and Dad are gone. Told me to tell you they won't be back until late."
    "Okay, where'd they go?" I ask.
    "How the hell should I know?!" Nick replies indignantly. "Anyway, I got a surprise for you."
    "What is it," I ask a little leerily, "something dead?"
    Nick walks over, and raises his fist, making me flinch, but a couple seconds pass, and I don't feel any pain. Cautiously, I open one eye. Nick's on the bed, starting to take off his pants.
    "Remember when I said more might happen, Lucas?" I nod. " Well you've been a pretty good boy, so I think I should give you an early Christmas present. "
    I feel my face turn red, which surprises me, because that's not where most of my blood has rushed. Nick crooks his finger at me, signaling for me to come towards him. I do just that, but as soon as I get ready to sit down on the bed, he stops me.
    "I want you to watch for a second, okay Luke?" I just nod.
    He finishes taking his clothes off, and starts doing some weird dance, consisting mainly of him thrusting his hips and bending over the bed. Needless to say, I can't take my eyes off of him. At some point in my thoughts, he stops dancing and walks over to me, putting his face close to mine, so close I can feel his hard cock pushing into my stomach, and the warmth emanating off of his body.
    "I've been thinking about you Lucas. About how good that kiss felt. And I wondered...what else will feel good?" Nick says, getting closer to me yet. At this point, I'm wondering the exact same thing.
    "I don't know, Nick. Why don't we test it out?" I say breathily.
    "Whatever you say," he replies, "just don't say that I never do anything for you."
    He spins me around, and pushes me onto the bed, and starts to slowly stroke himself with one hand, while undressing me with the other, while I watch, and occasionally help him with the stuff that requires two hands. Eventually, after a couple minutes, he's completely hard, and I'm completely naked. He kisses me, deeply and passionately, and this time, I kiss back. He shoves his tongue into my mouth, gently but with force, and twirls it around mine, sending a shiver of pleasure through my entire body. I feel a drop of precum leak out of my piss slit. He takes his tongue out of my mouth, and looks into my eyes, then starts to lick from my mouth down, stopping at intervals to pay attention to each of my nipples, and the area where, if I had been wearing any clothes, my waistband would have been just under. Finally, after much suspense, he got down to my cock. He sniffed my crotch, taking in the scent of my manhood, before starting to stroke me.
    "Does that feel good, bro?" he asks me, with a slight grin on his face. All I can do is nod, I'm in so much pleasure right now. He licks the head of my cock, lapping up the precum that is now generously flowing from it, covering his hand in the sticky substance. I gasp as he abruptly starts to suck my cock, amazingly getting all the way to the base without any trouble at all. While doing this, he's slowly stroking himself, milking out a little precum. The only reason I know this is because I can see it in the mirror on the door. He stops stroking himself long enough to gather up the collected precum on his index finger, making it slippery. I only have enough time to begin to grasp the significance of what he's doing before he slides that finger into my asshole, making me gasp, and almost cum prematurely. While working that in and out of my ass, he starts to deepthroat me, burying his nose in my pubes each time he gets my cockhead in the back of his throat. At times like these, I wonder what it would be like to do this with an uncut cock, but no sooner has this thought formed when he pulls my dick out of his mouth, and stands up, pulling my legs with him.
    "Are you ready for this," he asks me? I nod. "Are you sure?" I nod again. "Okay, then."
    He licks his hand, and rubs the head of his member, lubricating it before teasing my asshole. I gasp each time the tip of his head brushes my hole, and it starts to get too much. I reach down and grab his cock, and push myself towards it. I brace myself for the pain, as the head pushes all the way in with a pop, slowly followed by the shaft. I look at Nick's face, and I see utter lust and pleasure on it. A drop of sweat is slowly working its way down his face, even though he doesn't look flustered at all. He starts to thrust into me, going slowly at first, but getting faster and farther in me with each thrust, and I start to feel his balls, which are definitely low hangers, smack into me, which feels orgasmic. His cock is now all the way in me, and each thrust he takes, he goes almost all the way out, before slamming back inside of me, and occasionally, he makes a low, throaty grunt. After what feels like the best eternity, his thrusts start to become erratic, and his pace quickens. He stops abruptly, and I feel his hot cum spurt into me, jet after jet, filling me up. He slowly pulls out, grinning at me weakly. As his dick comes free, some of his manjuice spills out of my asshole.
    "So, how was I?" he asks? For answer, I sit up, grab his face, and kiss him deeply. "That good, huh?"
    "Oh yeah. I was starting to think that you had forgotten about me," I say with a wink. " I was ready to go find another stepbrother."
    "Nice one," he says between laughs. "I'm glad you waited. That was excellent. Willing to go again?"
    "Are you kidding me? Of course I am!" I exclaim. "But not right now. My asshole really hurts. You have an enormous cock."
    "Okay, well just let me know, okay?" Nick says, pulling his boxers on. "I'm going to go watch a movie with some friends of mine. Later."
    "Okay, have fun. Oh, and I will definitely let you know. Most definitely."
    And that, my friends, is the first time I fucked my stepbrother Nick. More to cum soon!
     
  9. Countryguy63

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    Hot story! Please continue
     
  10. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    Thank you! I will, I actually plan on doing about a chapter a day, somewhere around there.
     
  11. jockstrapfetish

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    Better still just a bit, and I mean just a bit cut and dry but over a great improvment and a great story look forward to more
     
  12. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    Thanks:) Not sure what cut and dry means, but okay:)
     
  13. Countryguy63

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    Meh, "critics"..ya never can understand 'em :wink:

    You get a solid :fing02: from me :biggrin1:
     
  14. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    Why thank you:)
     
  15. jockstrapfetish

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    Call me a critic if you will but I meant it happens a little to fast
     
  16. deano-uk

    deano-uk Active Member

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    Its really hot, next chapter - what about you fucking him.
     
  17. xXIvory_heartbreaK

    xXIvory_heartbreaK New Member

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    I was getting to that, aha. I know it goes a little fast, but it's hard for me to slow down, since I'm not thinking about what I type. I have a unique way of typing. I type first, and think later:)
     
  18. chugsybby

    chugsybby New Member

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    Definitely keep this one going I love it!
     
  19. silvertriumph2

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    ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!!....so, keep writing.....and soon..:biggrin:

    My only suggestion is that you break the story up into
    paragraphs separated by a line space in order to make it
    easier to be read....and...thereby keeping the readers from
    becoming cross-eyed...:smile:
     
    #19 silvertriumph2, Nov 30, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010
  20. ArtofDesire

    ArtofDesire New Member

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    Love your story, it's really hot and I'm looking forward to reading more.
     
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