The term "Power Bottom"

fratpack

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I've heard it tossed around a few places and it always seems to have a negative connotation.

It seems to suggest a person who knows what they want in bed and tend to come off as sexually aggressive.

I just want to know what is so bad about knowing what you want in bed? Perhaps why people are choosing to use this term in such a negative way, similar to Slut/whore.

Any thoughts?

Hi Jeff, I have used the term power bottom to describe myself for quite some time and have never associated it with a negative context. For me, it has always meant that I am good at what I do and that in the give and take that goes on between my boyfriend and myself there is a lot of communication going on as to what pleases him and what please me. Never thought of it as sexually agressive.
Being a power bottom, also means that you are experienced, knowledgable and informed about what you are doing. We know the risks of anal sex and we know how to keep ourselves clean down there and that safe sex at all times, unless in a committed monogamous relationship of a good length of time. Being a power bottom is more than just the sex act.
Hope this helps.
 

B_Italian1

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Whenever I hear people talking about tops and bottoms, I notice this hint of disdain for bottoms. People to think of bottoms as inferior for taking the "passive" (i.e., feminine) role. If talking
about a couple and not just a casual encounter, there's often the
assumption (sometimes true, often not) that the top is dominant in the
relationship, that he's in control, the "boss," as if the bottom were
"owned" by the top the way a woman was once considered to be the
property of her husband. Bottoms, I think, are a little bit looked down
upon because they appear to be choosing the inferior role that women had no choice about. Given these attitudes, it's amazing to me how many men are able to be proud, happy, self-confident bottoms.

I'm a top by default, but there's a bottom in my dying to get out. I
think a lot of tops are uptight and in desperate need of a good fucking.
Their attitude about being penetrated is much like that of a straight
guy: uh-uh, no way, ain't nothing going up there, nothing's going in
the out hole (etc., etc.). The use of terms such as "shit hole" and
"poop chute" suggest a level of disgust at the idea of being anally
penetrated. I can almost understand this among straight people, but
among gay men it seems hypocritical. Why is it OK to fuck some other
guy's "poop chute" but no thing will ever go in or near yours?

I also think a lot of tops are afraid of losing control. They've
probably seen pornos where the bottom lets go of all shame or modesty
and moan, "oh god, fuck me" and begs for it harder or faster. Their
pleasure seems almost blissful, ecstatic, trascendent. That implies a
degree of nakedness that goes beyond merely taking one's clothes off to
being truly exposed, and emotionally vulnerable. For many of us, that's
terrifying.

Thus I have tremendous admiration and respect for power bottoms.

This is more or less what I said but in a different way, except when you describe bottoms as "proud, happy, self-confident" and that you "have tremendous admiration and respect for power bottoms", you lost me there. It's not like they're the best thing since sliced bread. You're making bottoms sound like these guys that are worshipped and admired by gays; maybe they are. Again, a top has nothing to lose. He's at less risk for disease and any kind of anal problems. No matter how you look at it, it's still a dominant/submissive act. A recipient is submissive. When I have sex with my wife she's the one being penetrated not me.
 

B_Italian1

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That's really just your opinion. Not all gay sex is predicated on dominant roles, passive/agressive.

A power bottom, to me, indicates someone recieving anal sex who is just as active in creating pleasuer for both top and botom, as opposed to being a passive bottom, who just lays there and gets fucked. A power bottom may ride the top, or fuck back against him, or, as others have indicatedotherwise generally indicate the tone and direction of the sex. A power bottom isn't hung up on the role connotations of top or bottom and knows his body well enough to extract the maximum amount of pleasure from the expierence

I didn't say all gay sex. If you read my original post you'll see that I mentioned a gay man I know and how he and his partner are in an equal ltr, no top and no bottom. You say he's not "hung up on the role connotations", but he is if he's as active in the role as you describe. He is, after all, the bottom; the one being penetrated. It's all a play on words and how you choose to use those words. A woman can do exactly what you described above, but she's never called a power bottom.
 

Meniscus

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This is more or less what I said but in a different way, except when you describe bottoms as "proud, happy, self-confident" and that you "have tremendous admiration and respect for power bottoms", you lost me there.

I think you misunderstood my post. Although I agree that people have negative attitudes about bottoms, the point to my post was that those attitudes are wrong.

...No matter how you look at it, it's still a dominant/submissive act. A recipient is submissive. When I have sex with my wife she's the one being penetrated not me.

Being penetrated does not make one submissive or less masculine, and doing the penetration does not make one dominant. Unfortunately, because these stereotypes exist, some men won't admit a desire to bottom, won't even consider trying it, and deny themselves and their partners a lot of satisfaction in the process. It doesn't help that some tops seem to have the same perception about having sex with a bottom that you have about having sex with you wife.

I really like what huw ginnit had to say about this:

...People who equate receptive and insertive participation as a metaphor for male and female roles are woefully mis informed and lagging behind the times, in a way that unfortunately reinforces their own stereotypes. Expressing these views as the benchmark standard of sexual comparisons is demeaning, out-dated and lacking insight...

Very well put.
 

gjorg

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I never understood the whole top and bottom thing, and I especially dont understand how someone can love taking it up the ass.
Why not? Care to elaborate! Anal is incredible. It doesnot matter if your male ,female, str8 or bi. You need to understand it.
 

huw ginnit

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A woman can do exactly what you described above, but she's never called a power bottom. Italian978

But; she could be if she had the aptitude, talent or desire to be so called.

1, I am confused as to how a person who claims to have a 99% hetero rating has all this insight into the world of, sexual politics of and understanding of the gay scene and it social morals. Aren't you just dressing up your own personal opinion as "fact". Your opinion of Bottoms, POWER or otherwise is way off the mark. Bottom's are neither revered or reviled, but remember, without a Bottom there is no Top. Not that I use your labels myself but I hope you understand my point.

2, and I feel very sorry for your wife; if the option to take control in the bedroom (wherever) is never an option for her then she is being "used" in the sex act, never given the choice to "get on top" or take you as she'd like, to take from you what she'd like- if she is unable to act equally with you and your "dominance of the insertive participant";....this sounds to me a VERY unsatisfactory relationship and controlling too.
 

B_superlarge

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When I first saw this thread I sort of thought it might be referring to my idea of power bottoms -Serena Williams, JLo butts. In other big butts that have an aura of power about them. Seems I missed it all together according to this thread, but seriously, that is what I thought and I'm certain I've heard Serena's awesome thick bubble ass called a power bottom before so it's not just me thinking that way.
 

B_Italian1

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A woman can do exactly what you described above, but she's never called a power bottom. Italian978

But; she could be if she had the aptitude, talent or desire to be so called.

1, I am confused as to how a person who claims to have a 99% hetero rating has all this insight into the world of, sexual politics of and understanding of the gay scene and it social morals. Aren't you just dressing up your own personal opinion as "fact". Your opinion of Bottoms, POWER or otherwise is way off the mark. Bottom's are neither revered or reviled, but remember, without a Bottom there is no Top. Not that I use your labels myself but I hope you understand my point.

2, and I feel very sorry for your wife; if the option to take control in the bedroom (wherever) is never an option for her then she is being "used" in the sex act, never given the choice to "get on top" or take you as she'd like, to take from you what she'd like- if she is unable to act equally with you and your "dominance of the insertive participant";....this sounds to me a VERY unsatisfactory relationship and controlling too.

Aptitude, talent, and desire? You make it sound like it's acting school. I have as much insight into the gay scene as 70%, 80%, or 99% of gay people have into the straight scene. I work in a field where I'm in contact with gay people--unlike many straight people--and I also educate myself on human behavior, gay and straight.

And don't feel sorry for my wife. We have a very active sex life, but I am the man and she is the woman, and she is penetrated by me. It's far from controlling. And if she chooses to be on top of me during sex, which she does, she is still the one being penetrated.

Many gay bottoms refer to themselves as submissive, and some call their anus their pussy or mangina.

This is a topic that I'll have to agree to disagee on.

And nobody addressed my point that tops have nothing to lose.
 

yngjock20

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Tops can still get herpes or the clap...so I don't know what you call that?

Anyway, I've always believed a power bottom to be a person with either complete control over their hole, meaning they are able to please their top in ways beyond most average bottoms...or being someone who lacks feeling in their ass; making them able to take alot of stress, no matter what from.
 

B_Italian1

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Tops can still get herpes or the clap...so I don't know what you call that?

Anyway, I've always believed a power bottom to be a person with either complete control over their hole, meaning they are able to please their top in ways beyond most average bottoms...or being someone who lacks feeling in their ass; making them able to take alot of stress, no matter what from.

True. A top is less likely to get an STD, but it is possible. I'm sure a lot of tops do fear getting something and that's why they are tops. And as far as disease goes, it's the same thing in straight sex. It's more difficult for a man(the penetrator) to get an STD because of his obvious physiological differences from a woman(the recipient). And if the guy has no feeling left in his ass, then we go back to square one, and the bottom is the one who has everything to lose, even feeling. Doesn't sound fun to me.
 

Bbucko

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I'm not posting negative anti-gay crap, but it looks like you think you're the troll patrol.

Does AndyA ring a bell with anybody else? These guys are identical twins, cloned from the same frot-crap website I won't bother linking.

Actually, Italian978, your assumptions about gay sex and gender stereotypes is way off base. But I generally take exception to straight men attempting to use their own heterosexual experience as a yardstick for judging the libidos and motivations of gay men.

You assume that there is something inevitably uneven in the power balance of gay sex when it's expressed through anal sex. This is simply untrue in my experience, and 30 years of having sex is a lot of experience. There is nothing inherently feminine or inferior (seperate concepts) in bottoming any more than there's anything inherently feminine or inferior about the person sucking a cock. And your equation of the feminine and the inferior are blatantly sexist.

The reason why is that any sex involving two men is masculine by default. As there is no woman present, it cannot be feminine.

There is also not the correlation you're implying between being butch and getting penetrated (or not). In real life with the real gay men I have sex with, we're not swish or fey, nor strutting around like lumberjacks. We're just two men who want to find pleasure in each other's bodies.

When pondering this reply, I was going to get into the dynamics of roleplay in a SM sub/dom scene, but why waste perfectly good A-List material on the likes of you?

What I will do is share a piece of wisdom imparted on me by an elder in the leather bar scene when I was in my early 20s:
It is the bottom, the submissive who holds all the power. He is the one who sets the limits, and he is the one who consents to the top. The top/dom only has as much authority as the bottom will give him.
 

Bbucko

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True. A top is less likely to get an STD, but it is possible. I'm sure a lot of tops do fear getting something and that's why they are tops. And as far as disease goes, it's the same thing in straight sex. It's more difficult for a man(the penetrator) to get an STD because of his obvious physiological differences from a woman(the recipient). And if the guy has no feeling left in his ass, then we go back to square one, and the bottom is the one who has everything to lose, even feeling. Doesn't sound fun to me.

Tops get STDs. Where do you think the bottoms got them from?
 

huw ginnit

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Well I know two straights, a man and a woman and they are not having sex at all and they aren't even going to have babies, and I just wish they could have met your parents.

So there!

Italian978, you are the best advert for birth control I have come across in months.
 

BobKinFtL

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I always considered myself as a power bottom...i can take whatever u can give...however u want to give it...there's nothing negative about taking it like a man from a man
 

Mem

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I think it just means you like to take a hard pounding in the ass. None of that "ouch I can't take it all, bullshit".
I don't think it's a negative thing at all.