I've been debating with myself if I should write this or not, but I've come to the conclusion that I should let it out and ask for some kind of assistance even if it is on an Internet forum. I know that my problems aren't exactly new, and probably I've made them sound worse than they are, but bear with me please. I'm not a very social person, I shy away from gatherings of people, I guess it is because of some kind of fear, a fear that I don't know how to handle. However, it is not a phobia, if I absolutely have to put myself in that sort of situation I brave on, is just that I prefer not to do so, but the problem is that I am yearning for contact, a true friend, a true love, anything, so I got this conflict inside my head where I really really really want something, but I don't really want, or am too afraid, or shy to get it. I don't really have any self-esteem, ever since I was 13, I almost never talked during my school years, I was afraid of fellow students, specially since lots of them were brutal. I remember at 14 I got ambushed and got the shit kicked out of me, after this girl told me that she wanted to meet me after school on an empty field near the school. After that I went into a reclusive state, and became very angry and bitter, now at 21 (soon-to-be 22) I'm not so much that guy, but still I got some remnants of it. It probably doesn't come as a surprise that I'm a virgin, and haven't kissed or even held hands with a woman before. Now, I'm not only seeking for sex, I guess I have to take everything in baby steps, I'm seeking a companion, some one I can trust and not worry too much around, I want to be trusted too. I know most people look for it, but most people have some basis on how to get that, I don't know anything, and is really frustrating, I don't really want to feel like unwanted ugly vermin anymore. I should stop know, thanks if you read the whole thing.