The topic is.... cougars

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by faceking, May 6, 2005.

  1. faceking

    faceking Active Member

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    Curious on cougar stories/experiences/wants... I'd love to hook up with some hot 45+ year old who still is hot to trot, especially big up top... and just go. Especially the old Marin County/Orange County/Hamptons/So Beach divorcee on the rebound from the bloated execu-pig she was married to, even with some work done, because she's trying a little bit too hard. Intelligent conversation, cut to the chase... get used. Especially if you are pretty enough, you can do well. You know... cougar!




    What is a 'cougar relationship'?

    Put quite simply, it is a relationship between an older woman and a younger man.

    It seems there's been an increase in this type of relationship over the last few years. But it is also something that has existed for a long time. It is often the older celebrity woman that gets noticed by the media when they have a relationship with a younger man. People like, Mae West, Mary Tyler Moore, Raquel Welsh and Susan Sarandon.

    But what's the attraction in a cougar relationship?

    It has often been said that opposites attract, which is why men and women get together. Traditionally tough it has been the older man with a younger woman, usually not more than a few years between them. But why shouldn't a man have a relationship with an older woman or indeed a woman have a relationship with a younger man. In societies nowadays, barriers are being broken down everywhere so why are cougar relationships still seen as unusual?

    An estimate says that about 1/3rd of women aged 40 or over have dated younger men. So what's the attraction for these women? Is it simply sexual, thinking that a younger man will have more stamina and satisfy them better? Is it a power thing, do these women enjoy having influence or a 'mothering' aspect over their partner? Is it simply female 'trophy hunting', are these younger men used as 'trophy partners'. Maybe such women are trying to prove to themselves that they are still attractive and able to pull young virile men, possibly they have problems accepting their real age. Or is it simply that these women enjoy a loving successful relationship with a man who just happens to be their junior?

    But what's the attraction for the man? Does he see the woman as a 'mother figure'? Does he see her as an older experienced woman; someone who will 'teach' him. Again, is it a 'power thing'? does the guy see the wealthy, older woman as being powerful and feel that he will gain some power by being associated with her? Or could it simply be that the man is enjoying a loving relationship with a woman who just happens to be older?
     
  2. faceking

    faceking Active Member

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    BTW: the consumate cougars:

    Joan Collins, circa Dynasty
    Raquel Welch, circa whenever
    Kim Catrall, come on ... she's old and fat with zero rack, yet she's a horn dog
    Charo, circa the final Love Boat season
    Demi Moore, although she's too hot to be in cougar-desperation
    Rue McClanahan in Golden Girl... but please let's not go there....


    who am I missing?
     
  3. faceking

    faceking Active Member

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    [sorry I'm threading with myself]

    Just remembered

    Mrs Robinson, duh.
    Stiffler's mom... that's what I'm talking about. Catrall can't hold a candle to Mrs. Stiffler.
     
  4. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    the pain behind your eyes
    And let's not forgetv the queen of married x amount of times in her time, Liz Taylor
     
  5. db03

    db03 Member

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    I did have a relationship with an older woman, she's 36 ( I'm 21) it ended for one simple reason, the age gap was too big. I found it hard to integrate with her group of friends, and her into mine. Sure I learned a lot, emotionally and sexuallly, but if I had it to do over, I don't think I would have.
     
  6. naughty

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    My,

    You all are harsh, arent you? Life passes quickly and from what I have heard people pretty much feel as though they are the same person inside in spite of the years marching on. I am sure it may seem embarassing to see someone not acting what you perceive as their age, but look at who you are talking about.... Often these women have gone from being loved and cherished in their youth to being middle aged and discarded . Yet they still have the same needs, wants and desires and anyone 20 years their junior. Within a viable marriage relationship you are not going to see them.They are busy with their husband and perhaps children but once back on the market they have to compete in an age obsessed culture. You can do many things but turn back the clock is not one of them. Some of them have matured little, while others are a treasure trove of vitality and experience.
    Do you think it is easy to go from being young and nubile and possibly beautiful to someone that no one looks at or is even ridiculed? I applaud them for fighting the powers that be. Why should they be denied a full and active life because they are not perpetually 16 years old? As long as they are not robbing the cradle to the point of legal problems, it should be seen on a case by case basis.

    This goes for men of a certain age as well. I think that as we age other wonderful things often come in to replace some of the things that we have lost or are losing. I think that some of the more mature men and women on this board have some of the most fabulous attitudes and out looks on life. Many are more in touch with themselves than they ever were in their youth. Thanks for listening this is just my .02 worth.


    naughty
     
  7. BruceSter

    BruceSter New Member

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    I am in a relationship with a woman who is significantly older than myself, I'll not disclose the exact age difference now - those who have to know, know it.

    It's nothing about trophies with us at all. At the beginning, I had this feeling, but we're together for almost a year now, and whatever trophy thinking there might have been, it's diminished and gone with the time. We get along well on almost all levels, sexually and outside of the bed too, which is, I think, based mainly upon her being a young soul.

    Nevertheless, these relationship can cause problems on the male ego: For example you can take the fact that she's much more advanced on the professional level than I am, and the fact that she earns significantly more than I do. That was hard for me at the beginning, but we managed to overcome that as we went along. She made clear that it's not the big wallet for which she loves me, which took some pressure off me, so it's no problem that my invitations don't take us to upscale restaurants.

    I'd not characterize her as a 'cougar' by Faceking's definition. She doesn't dress like a twenty-year-old, and doesn't try to affect mannerisms and habits of women from my generation. However, she is a young soul, but one that's aware of her age and handling it well. She still has some streaks of foxy behavior, but that's a side about her that only shows when I am with her and we are alone, she doesn't pull off a show in front of her business colleagues, or in situations where it doesn't belong.

    What I love about her is her way of taking time for things. She has already accomplished what younger women are still pursuing, so career matters don't inflict our loving. If it's not today that we can meet for a night of foxy activities in her bed, then it's tomorrow or the day after, she can afford to delegate things at work and take time for me. Plus, it's the fact that she has a sensational body, better than many younger women have, from what I saw.

    At the moment, we're very much in love, and I don't plan to blow that to soon. Maybe this thing will split up one day, maybe it won't... at least I don't want it to split to soon.

    Bruce
     
  8. Imported

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    DieHard9x6: Years ago I had a semi-regular thing with a female exec 13 years older than I. I knew it probably wouldn't develop into anything really serious, but we were good friends, and the sexual tension was off the charts. We eventually acted on it, and had some amazing, passionate encounters over the course of a few months. I'm sure that part of the attraction on my side was the power thing -- you know, making a powerful, successful, confident woman into a moaning, quivering bundle of orgasm. And on her side, I know the idea of seducing a virile, supposedly innocent younger man was part of the turn-on for her. I think we would have had a great time under any circumstances, but the added taboo/roles involved certainly made us both hotter.
     
  9. BruceSter

    BruceSter New Member

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    Regarding the sex, I'm sure that's also working the magic with us, because I could put a tick on all the character features you mention about your exec, comparing her to my l/f - powerful, successful, confident, moaning, quivering bundle of or orgasmic flesh...

    Bruce
     
  10. faceking

    faceking Active Member

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    Agree it's not about trophies or anything degrading... it's a preference... you know... you go thru a phase where you dig a Latin guy/gal, or a white guy/gal... or a switch.. or whatever. You find interest in something particular... as Diamond Dave used to say, I ain't talkin' bout love. This is a turn on ... if you will. Granted there's NOTHING wrong falling in love. But being a "victim" to a hot cougar... all the power to her.

    Linda Evans had some cougar in her too.
     
  11. ItsJustMe

    ItsJustMe New Member

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    Earlier this year I went out with a guy who was 14 years younger than me and while we got along well and our personalities clicked we knew it could never lead to anything serious (because of the age difference) so the relationship ended after about a month.
     
  12. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    life's too short to agonize over age differences.
     
  13. madame_zora

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    Well, I think this is a fun topic. I would probably differentiate women who try to look their best for the age they are and women who try to look 15 when they're not, ie Janet Jackson.

    I'll admit that I recently (last year) underwent a physical overhaul that included losing a lot of weight and re-vamping my personal style to make myself more attractive to potential dates, and just to boost my self-esteem in general. I had not at that time considered dating younger men, but it did happen than I found men of varying ages showing interest. I had two college girls renting space in my house, and they seemed to have fun with me cutting my hair and getting me to try on their clothes, I'm down to one roomie now and she's the more mature acting of the two, so the silly side is less now, but I have a lot of fun sharing time with her and her friends and it's eased the wound of my daughter being gone. I don't date in my younger friends' circles!

    My favorite long-term lover was a man who was 53 when I was 26. He seemed to think it was a gas that I was less than half his age, but I was so into him because of his far superior sexual skills that I never gave it a thought. He was attractive to me at the onset, and that only increased over time. It was an open relationship and I was far from his only lover, but I think I was his favorite for a while. We saw each other off and on for about seven years which turned out to be my longest relationship in my life.

    Now finding myself at the "cougar" age, I am realising that some younger men might see in me what I saw in him, and that might not be a bad thing. I don't try to look like I'm 25 (not that that's even possible!) and I'd never get cosmetic surgery (not that I'm against it, it's just not for me) but I do dress becommingly and am working on adjusting my attitude to include more different types and ages of men, and what a lot of fun that can be! One of the things I find very appealing about younger men is that they haven't had as much time to become soured about life and often have less "issues". I get tired of having to pay the price for every woman who's ever hurt a guy because he hasn't bothered to sort through his own feelings and just dumps on the next unsuspecting woman. I know women do this too, but I'm just sharing my experience. It's nice to meet someone new and get to discuss things other than previous relationship problems for the first three months!

    Naughty brings up a good point, women are often discarded as we age in preference of younger women, and while society says on the one hand that it's wrong, the media still enforces the stereotype of youth being the only thing attractive about a woman.
    We still feel the feelings of a younger woman despite out age, so I think that if a younger man wants to share time with us and get the benefit of our experience, then why not? They bring a fresh perspective and outlook to us that is often a much needed wake-up call, life moves not backward nor tarries with yesterday. I don't have to act like I'm twenty to enjoy being with someone who is. I would feel awful if a guy felt the need to act 40 to be with me! I think it's incredible when people can just enjoy each other where they are, take the good with the bad, and let it enrich our lives.

    Oh yeah, sexually, we're both at our prime, so what's not to like about that? With an older man/younger woman, neither is at their peak so they are more on par as well.
    Nature seems to have set the odds at oppostition in so many ways!
     
  14. naughty

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    Amen Jana !

    Oh mother nature knew what she was doing in terms of the seemingly odd pairing in terms of the sex drive. Could you imagine what it would be like if women and men came to their prime at the same time? NO one, and I do mean no one , would get any work done. Not to mention the extreme population explosion!

    naughty
     
  15. LongTimeComing

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    I've always been attracted to women who are older than me (as well as being attracted to all kinds of women who just happen to turn me on). As my marriage unwound, I decided to start dating to deal with the intense lonliness I was feeling (not to mention the intense horniness from going without sex for FIVE YEARS.) I was 45 at the time, and I decided that it would be a good time to see about my lifelong fantasy about "older women." My wife was close to my age, and she was really the only woman I had ever had a serious relationship with. I figured that if I didn't act on my older woman fantasy now, it may never really work -- if I got much older, my fantasy woman would have to be like 80. That didn't really fit my fantasy!

    So, now I'm 46 and my girlfriend is 60. We've been seeing each other for almost a year and a half. It's actually a secret relationship, as my marriage still technically exists, and she is in a marriage that she chooses not to leave for various reasons. The secret nature of the relationship is good and bad. The bad is obvious -- we are limited in what we can do and where we can go. The good comes from ability to keep only good things in our relationship. The normal day to day crap that wears at a traditional relationship doesn't exist for us. We spend lots of time on the phone, lots of emails, and we see each other as often as possible -- about twice a week. There is great sex, but that is certainly not all there is in the relationship.

    So, I've been thinking for a very long time about why I am drawn to older women and why some older women (my girlfriend in particular) are drawn to younger men. (Not that I would normally qualify as a younger man!) I think there are a multitude of reasons, obviously different for different people. I can't even pin them down for myself, but here are some that I think are true for me.

    1. I grew up at the tail end of the '60s in a progressive family. My political and social sensibilities are perhaps more common in people a few years older than me.

    2. I don't really like the traditional relationship roles where the male is often expected to be the leader or more dominant force. I think that women who are open to younger men may feel similarly.

    3. I appreciate the depth of personality that comes from life experience.

    4. I like a woman that has the confidence that comes from understanding onself and having comfort with onself and one's life choices.

    Now for the sex stuff...

    5. I like making her feel desirable and sexy. I feel like a younger woman takes it for granted a little more, like the guys are swarming around her, whereas for an older woman the attention is more special. There is almost a second innocence. I like feeling that my attention to her, my desire for her reawakens her passions. (This is all in my own head -- I have no idea if she really feels this way!)

    6. An older woman who is past being hung up on her imperfections is that much more uninhibited!

    7. I have come to appreciate the character in an older woman's appearance. It has become very sexy to me, much more so than a perfect young thing. Perfection becomes boring after a while.

    8. I like being objectified a little. It certainly isn't a large part of the relationship, nor would that be good, but it's a nice ego boost to know that you are wanted and appreciated for your physicality.

    All these things wind up where I just feel very comfortable with older women, much more so than younger ones.
     
  16. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    If any older woman wanted to then I would. Seems like a blast :p
     
  17. faceking

    faceking Active Member

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    did you have fun?

    noticing... not just this thread... there can be a bit too much serious concern, and rarely exhibition of the old "WTF??? why not?".

    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
     
  18. Supportive Female

    Supportive Female New Member

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    This is a gross generalization, but in discussions I've had with others on this topic, there seems to be a major "Pro and Con":

    "Experience vs. Baggage"

    Experience is all the great things that go along with maturity: understanding how the world works, losing the selfish patterns in relationships and learning to put the other person first, and not taking insignificant, petty concerns too seriously.

    Baggage is, of course, just what people accumulate, if they can't put past painful experiences behind them, and "retire" those past ugly bumps-in-the-road to the realm of understanding.

    btw, I just googled "Mary Tyler Moore" because I remembered her marrying a young cardiologist in the 1980's. It was publicly discussed much more than a comparable older man/younger woman type of couple, it seemed.

    In 1983, MTM, age 47, married a 29-year old cardiologist. The 18-yr difference seemed quite dramatic then, but now they've been married for 22 years (!), it really seems insignificant; or maybe that's because I'm older, and society is more flexible in lifestyle choices than 22 years ago ("Will & Grace" would NEVER have been put on the air, much less a top 10 show).
     
  19. jonb

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    The "mothering" aspect might be a part of it, if you're a psychoanalyst or a total misogynist. (Nobody ever assumes older men with younger women is the "fathering" aspect of it. And certainly nobody ever assumes older men with younger men is the "fathering" aspect.) Some women have the "trophy" aspect or the simple fact that younger men can keep up with them better, but those happen to be stereotypically "masculine" qualities, so no one will mention that.
     
  20. ItsJustMe

    ItsJustMe New Member

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    did you have fun?

    noticing... not just this thread... there can be a bit too much serious concern, and rarely exhibition of the old "WTF??? why not?".

    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
    [post=309002]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Sure I had fun and I have no regrets. He actively sought me out which was quite flattering and we got along very well but he was just starting out in his career (graduated from law school last year) and wants to settle down and have kids some day, something I'm not able to do. It was a mutual decision that we part as friends and shortly after that he started seeing someone closer to his own age and I wish them well.
     
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