The Unintentional Hooker: A True Short Story

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Heather LouAnna, Dec 5, 2006.

  1. Heather LouAnna

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    After work on Saturday, I came home and talked to my friend Dave Madden for a spell. He said he had a show at Momo's here in Austin. When he came to pick me up, his whole backseat and trunk were instruments; two guitars a keyboard and a piano, his merchandise (like shirts and CDs), stands for the instruments. Momo's was fun. There was a country group from Canada who played like a swing band. They were really good. Dave played and then Steamroller went on. Myself and a couple friends helped Dave carry all his equipment back to his apartment.

    At Dave's, he was excited that he'd gotten a real Christmas tree for the first time. There were needles all over the floor, because they didn't bother buying a "tree skirt." They threw on the Charlie Brown Christmas album and when they tried to turn on the lights on the tree, nothing happened. lol Four of us played a card game/drinking game called Asshole and I wasn't winning. Four more people came over and we ran out of beer. Around 3am was when everyone was taking off or bedding down. Dave tried to get me to sleep on the couch, but I decided to go to a fuck buddy's place, because he'd been texting me all night long. I told Dave I was gonna call a cab.

    Once I stepped out the door, it felt so nice out that I decided to walk. I wasn't scared by any means, having been trained in restraint and PMAB when I worked at the state psychiatric hospital. Looking at the map now, I think there's a better way I could have taken..lol It would have been quicker to go down backstreets, but I wanted to stay in well lit areas.

    I walked down the straight slope of Congress street to the gaping mouth of the Texas Capital building. I was on Congress when the first car honked at me. It wasn't a full honk, just a half honk. The car then parked two blocks up and when I walked past, I heard a gentleman's voice ask if I needed a ride. When I didn't acknowledge him, he peeled out and drove on. Two more cars did this to me on Congress, all within a ten minute span. One of the was a Hummer and swerved all over the road as it sped off.

    It's not like I was looking cute either. I had on a blue Billabong hoodie, DKNY jeans, blue Kangaroo shoes. Do I look like a hooker to you?:mad:

    On Riverside, I decided to walk against the traffic and one more car did the same thing, except he stayed on his side of the road and yelled at me across the lanes. By the time I got to the fuck buddy's, I was exhausted. As I walked up to the apartment complex, just thirty minutes after beginning my walk, I actually began to feel safe that I was on the east side. Another thirty seconds to walk up the stairs and I'd be in the warm apartment. A car was parked out front on the street and a guy by the car asked me something. I couldn't hear him, so asked "Excuse me..what?" He repeated himself. "WHAT?"

    I stopped walking so I could hear him. "HU?"

    He said "Do you need a ride?"

    I couldn't fucking believe it. "NO. I DO NOT NEED A RIDE. THANK. YOU."
     
  2. rob_just_rob

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    Haha.

    A friend of mine was waiting at a bus stop in business attire, and was asked "how much for oral sex?"

    Attire is not a deterrent apparently. :rolleyes: :biggrin:
     
  3. Heather LouAnna

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    NO WAY.

    Hilarious. Just hilarious.
     
  4. rob_just_rob

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    Way.

    Granted, it was pretty late at night, downtown. But still.
     
  5. snoozan

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    You didn't get the memo that the combination of a blue Billabong hoodie, DKNY jeans, and blue kangaroo shoes is the new secret signal to would-be Johns that you're a prostitute?

    Now, if you had been wearing a red Old Navy fleece pullover, Levis 503 skinny jeans, and black Chuck Taylors, you would have been approached by old ladies wanting you to sing Christmas carols.

    It's an easy mistake to make.
     
  6. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Maybe men in Austin are just really friendly and like to offer rides to young women walking alone.
     
  7. Nitrofiend

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    My gf has more than once been asked "So...how much is it?" when standing by or on a street corner. Not to mention guys in their 30's and 40's always try to pick her up and think she's in her mid 20's. I don't think she looks like a hooker...and I've known hookers.
     
  8. Heather LouAnna

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    lol I bet :X
     
  9. rawbone8

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    Years ago a 25 yr old coworker went to do some editing research for a book she was working on, and had to visit the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto. She was waiting to cross at the intersection around noon, when a much older man aked her if she wanted to make some money by accompanying him to a hotel.

    She realized that it was her plaid skirt, which looked like a school uniform, that appealed to him. He really thought she was a schoolgirl. That really grossed her out.
     
  10. jakeatolla

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    Years ago, in my early twenties, some friends and I decided to go
    to a scuba show at a major hotel near the airport.
    I show up at the agreed upon time and wait in the hotel lobby (like a dunce ) . I should have known better, because My friends were never
    on time. Well I'm waiting in the lobby for about twenty minutes when a
    40 something man with an English accent walks up to me and says
    "Excuse me , are you waiting for someone ? "

    Like the naive dumb fuck that I was , I reply "Why yes, I am
    waiting for someone." Then I slowly realize whats going on,
    and I add "Some friends"

    Well, I don't know who was more embarassed. Him for mistaking
    me for a young male hustler he was obviously waiting for,
    or me for being mistaken for a young hustler.

    Funny thing is, a few years later I'm working at a renovation job
    at 3 large apartment buildings in the heart of T.O.'s gay
    community (church st north of college). And I don't remember
    anyone making passes or even winking at me. Oh well.:frown1:
     
  11. rob_just_rob

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    Heather,

    Apparently if you're ever in need of a ride, you'll have no trouble getting one in Toronto. :tongue:
     
  12. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Only because there are so many members from here.:biggrin1:

    Heather, why is it I can see you walking with a bit of a wiggle down that street.:rolleyes:
     
  13. Heather LouAnna

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    By wiggle, do you mean stagger?!?! lol cuz I'd just got done losing at a drinking game. lol Gratned, we ran outta beer quick and I'd only had two during the game.

    haha naw..I wasn't staggering...I was walking quickly though, hands in the front of my hoody. I figured the faster I walked, the warmer it would be and the less people would pay attention to me. :rolleyes:
     
  14. rob_just_rob

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    [threadjack]I wonder why that is? I have a couple of theories...:confused: [/threadjack]
     
  15. Heather LouAnna

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    And they say cold weather gives you a chilly little willy. I declare hogwash!
     
  16. jeff black

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    As do I. Everyone knows that Canadians are known for their hockey abilities and their huge Sticks.:tongue:
     
  17. Gisella

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    :lmao:

    Heather you are fun and funny...


    1.Hogwash[​IMG]32 up, 6 down[​IMG]A load of BULLSHIT!!!
    Oh, what a bunch of hogwash
     
  18. jakeatolla

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    Actualy, the frigid cold keeps them frozen hard !!!:biggrin1:
     
  19. Heather LouAnna

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    HAHA. That's it. I'm moving. I'm moving right on the border though. I hate the cold and I hate moose.
     
  20. jakeatolla

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    Um, you'll have to travel quite far north of the border to see a moose.
    Unless you're refering to us well hung Canadians :biggrin1::biggrin1:
    And the cold, well what alcohol is for!!!!
     
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