the weird way i run my sex life

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dolfette, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    for the last lots of years.

    i express myself sexually, when i need to, by sending pictures and videos of myself to a select few, male, mainly online friends. or sometimes i post them for whoever to see.

    every year or so i feel the need to be physical, so i arrange some sex time with one of these guys (who i will likely never meet in person again), have my fill, then get back to being online only. sometimes i go away for a week, so i get my vacation and my sex done at the same time.

    i've had a couple of sort-of relationships in the last 8 years, weekend only, but it just felt like a bit too much. they still call & message me, but i'm not interested in anything more than a friendly chat.

    it's an odd way to deal with sex, but it fits in with my life.
    i'm a busy, working mother of two. i like having my free time to either relax or do stuff with the kids. i don't ever feel lonely for someone being there, i feel claustrophobic fast, but i still need a sexual outlet of some sort.

    i never bother to go out on the pull, flirt when i'm out, eye up guys in the street, etc. it just feels like shitting on my own doorstep, and i'd rather have a physical distance to keep my space.

    so, ladies, as modern women in the modern world,
    how do you see the changes in how we run our sex lives?
     
  2. fire77

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    803
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    I find my partners online, I never go out on the pull, I don't need to and like you said its like shitting on my own doorstep especially for a married woman like myself. Sometimes I do go out with friends for a bit of a thrill nothing more.
     
  3. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    7,317
    Likes Received:
    8
    One of my bestest oldest friends is a mother of one, a 7 year old boy who she's an incredible mum to, and she split up with her son's dad a few years ago, and the guy's a narcissistic prick and a nightmare ex but kinda a good dad (weird I know) and my friend also teaches deaf kids so she has a seriously busy and complicated life tbh.

    She's been seeing a guy now for about a 18 months or so, but it's purely about sex, before him she was celibate for ages. She sorta only sees him when she's ready and only ever for sex, maybe once a month or less. The rest of the time they cyber a bit or sext occasssioanlly or just chat aimlessly on the phone.

    I think she has similar reasonings for only seeing this guy so infrequently to you Dolf, and she's completely uninterested in anything more complicated or more full time. She's always busy, she loves spending time with her son, she's not lonely and doesn't need a man in her life, whenever she's spent too much time with her fella she starts to get cabin-befevered.


    She says she loves the distance she keeps between her life and this bloke, it keeps thing tidy she says. And she has great sex when she needs it and the rest of the time she's really happy with the set up she's got going now, especially since she had a pretty dark period of her life before and after her ex left her.
     
  4. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,448
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    There is no normal in sex, just enjoy what you want. lol.
     
  5. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    society is still trying to sell us romance, soul maters and happily ever afters. but more and more of us just ain't buying.
     
  6. fire77

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    803
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    You can have both if you find same minded partner and play your cards right :wink:, I did and still do after 10 years :tongue:.
     
  7. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    1,439
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida

    I hope I'm not stepping on any toes but I never understood this happily ever after BS. Any relationship including marriage requires work. This isn't the life for some and more power to them. I may be a bit of a hopeless romantic sometimes but I believe that I found someone who matches me in a way that no other does or ever has. This could be called soul mates I suppose, but im still on the fence on the existence of the soul. I prefer to believe, however incorrectly, that we were made for each other. Our lives have many similarities that allow us to understand each other like no one else. We still bash heads and argue but I couldn't see myself without her. I could survive yes, but would I WANT too? Probably not. For me it is like being blind, then given sight. I wouldn't want to go back. I understand how you may feel this is BS based on your current and past experience, ot atleast I think I do. I'm fallible, I may be incorrect about why you prefer this type of interaction. I think alot of this has to do with uncontrolled misogyny in my culture. I can't speak for other cultures but I know where I live its kinda outta control. I have even noticed, with help from the Mrs. That I have been guilty of certain misogynistic tendencies that I didnt even know I did, thanks to years of programming from my father unit, and years of my own ignorance of the subject. Its just not addressed. I do agree that perhaps the media pushes this perfect home unit too much nit admitting that other formulas may work for some people. I'm starting to ramble and I think I've lost my point. I do hope I haven't derailed this thread, I just felt compelled to post about this subject.

    *I sometimes find that certain parts of the rest of this site doesn't appeal to me and I tend to post a tad too much in these women forums. So I've been trying to dial it back a bit*
     
  8. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    i think i speak for most of the regular ladies here when i say that you do not post too much in this part of the site.

    we need guys like you, hil, raw, etc posting in here. you're the antidote to those who shall not be named.
     
  9. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    ps. you're a sap! :tongue:
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    Definitely seconded! Intrigue, you (along with the others dolf mentioned) are a very valued poster here.

    Regarding weird sex lives and modernity . . .

    I don't believe in soul mates as such. I don't believe there is one special person out there for everyone.

    I currently have two FBs who I see on a not so regular basis. I rather like things this way, although I'd like to have another FB or two, and I'd like to see at least one of them on a weekly basis minimum. I find it convenient emotionally. I like having the freedom to have new partners. I like not being tied down to one person.

    Although this kind of sex life isn't totally socially accepted yet, I believe things are much more open than they used to be. I appreciate that I live in a time and place where I CAN have this kind of sex life without having to live in fear of being found out.
     
  11. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    1,439
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida

    I know!! I get way too mushy sometimes! But I consider it the antidote to years of learning the wrong way to handle my emotions via my old man. Lol.
     
  12. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    1,439
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida

    Thanks for the kind words. :) I have a question about your post though. Your sexual freedom is inspiring, yet I find that type of life is not for me, but what room does that allow for emotional growth? I'm sure emotionally you progress just fine, but I find the growth that occurs between two monogamous people, be they hetero/homo-sexual can be very rewarding. What room do you allow in your life for such things if at all? I do NOT mean this as an offense or insult to your personal life choice. Its more of a curiosity on my part. I only wonder, because my life almost went that way had I stayed in the military. I would've stayed away from being tied down into anything. Do your life choices in regards to your sexual life come from personal experience? What I mean to say is, has something in the past put you off to this sort of thing? Or is it just from looking at your surroundings and saying " that's not for me, I like it this way" which is totally ok. For some people, monogamy just doesn't work. Perhaps my leaning towards monogamy stems from my insecurity? Or maybe from my "ideal" of a perfect relationship established during my formative years? This whole subject interests me because I'm still learning the how and why of me. Why do I ignore people? Why am I a shut in? Formative years? Parental influence? An amalgamation of years of observation and experience? I tried the FB thing before... I ALWAYS get too attached and develop more emotional feelings. Usually not reciprocated on the other end. So for me the idea of someone being able to handle that type of relationship is interesting. I do agree that women are becoming more open about their sexual needs and declaring in no uncertain terms that "This is MY sexuality, don't place your restrictions on it" and this makes me wonder as a man how many restrictions have i placed on people with my opinions, or even on myself?! Bleh, I'm rambling again.
     
  13. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    i found my relationships stifled my personal growth.
    all the majo progress i have made, i made it on my own.
    i don't think it was the fault of my partners.
    i think it's just the way i tick.
     
  14. B_nsacfl

    B_nsacfl New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2011
    Messages:
    13
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Orange County, FL
    i fuck any girl that wants to fuck me, unless she is physically unacceptable. But if you use protection, you can fuck just about anything. But my condom comes off when its time to cum. :p
     
  15. alottafuntoyz

    alottafuntoyz Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2010
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    ny

    Where do you go online to find your playmates?
     
  16. spoon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2011
    Messages:
    3,224
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    On a dark desert highway.

    unfortunately, for women (i think) that the "romance and happily ever afters" is part of how we're raised. the fairy-tale is shoved down our throat from an early age. raised to think that we are princesses and that we are going to be rescued by our princes. in the last few years i've been working on internalizing that: "no one is going to come to save me. i'm going to have to save myself."

    one of the biggest/most popular girls birthday parties is "princess parties" for little girls.

    i want to learn how to be a warrior (princess)
     
  17. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    1,439
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida

    I can understand that. Some people are just better at being alone and progressing. When I was by myself I feel like I was complacent and didnt do much progressing. This is weird because when I came home from the military, people said I was the same but very different which I still don't comprehend, because I guess I'm the frog in the boiling water. But many of my greatest progressive achievements can be attributed to when i was highly motivated for another. Its a self loathing thing. For years i hated myself, but i loved others, well some. Lol. But i would never work hard for ME. But with my most recent relationship, my marriage, i find myself DRIVEN to be the best for her. Or, i wonder to myself, and i driving myself to be better than my father at being a husband? Do i do it out of love? Or a sense of competition with him? This scares the fuck out of me, because it would mean i don't truly control my life. And control is a huuuge godamned problem for me. So my progression has only been sparked, emotionally, by my need to prove to myself and others how good i am? This thought just sucks. It keeps me awake at night sometimes. But once i realize it, i sit and think, and i resolve to do it for her. I still haven't gotten to the point where i can do it for me but hey, a guy has to have something to work on right?

    I feel like i maybe went too far off course and maybe a tad too into my own personal bubble. I wanted to say to you that perhaps you are right. Real personal growth, perhaps, should come from the self. By the self. And that for you, an emotional relationship that in any way hinders your growth is unwanted and usually a bother. That is what I'm getting atleast. Just an interpretation.
     
  18. luka82

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    5,182
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    somewhere
    Love, you are in full control of your life. I`d be really happy if I were you;)
     
  19. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    classy.
    ha!

    i refused to read my kids fairy tales.
    they still get bedtime stories, anything from pratchett fantasy to the gritty realities of the holocaust.
    but fairy tales? no. my son does not need someone helpless but pretty, my daughter does not need a rescuer.
    there might be the right guy and the right relationship out there somewhere. i wouldn't be so arrogant as to say they don't exist, but i'm not dedicating my life to looking for 'the one' on the off chance that he/she does. i'm happy enough on my own.
     
  20. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    1,439
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida

    Despite prior warning I'll feed this troll.

    Who the hell asked you who you wanted to or could fuck? It was a woman talking about her weird sexual relationship workings. Not an opportunity for you to show the entire forum what a fucking Neanderthal you are.

    My second thought is this:
    Please keep that condom on. We as a race cannot afford for you to procreate. There is far too much dumb in the world.

    * I apologize to those who may think I flamed this asshat without due cause. My reason is my own but I'll share it. I hate dumbness*
     
Draft saved Draft deleted