the weird way i run my sex life
- Thread starter dolfette
- Start date
I am responding to subgrrl, in this format because her post is wicked long and I can't edit for shit on this phone. I appreciate your thorough answer to those questions I posed earlier. It is actually along the lines of what I imagined. Not to say your predictable, but I've learned many things in my small amount of years and the way in which you spoke, or typed, led me to believe some trauma led you this way. To be more precise our experiences DO shape us. And yours have shaped you. I personally haven't been able to separate love and sex. I've tried having sex with someone whom I don't love and it usually disastrous. I think I need atleast some emotional attachment or I go flaccid. This may stem from insecurity like I've mentioned previously. The first time with ALL of my gf of the past sucked. Just plain horrible, except with my current love. I think I was ready at that point. Its not that I can't have sex without emotion, its just that I've had really bad experiences with people I'm not comfortable with. Stress or nervousness kills my boners like the plague. And I'm kind of an anxious person so you can imagine how first times go... I'm an average guy, but incidents in my past have cause me to doubt my "worth" in the pecker department. Those worries are mostly gone, but the traumas of youth are hard to put to bed. I find it refreshing to know you acknowledge at least the possibility of a monogamous relationship, maybe because it makes me feel a sense of common ground? I'm not sure, I'm just vocalizing a feeling. I know that if I hadn't met my current and final woman for me I would honestly be a pretty unhappy guy. The military did one thing better than most... Forced me to be a VERY secluded individual. Which is not condusive to relationships. Just now, almost 4 years later I'm able to open up to my wife and speak to her like a human and not some outlet for my frustration or someone less intelligent or not worth my time. (I used to be a bit of a knowitall, now I'm still a knowitall I'm just way nicer about it. =] )
Im pretty sure I've veered off point as tends to happen when I post long ideas on my phone. My fingers keep moving and my brain moves past them, so when it stops to check the terrain its unfamiliar at best. Ha. Im jealous to a certain extent of your ability to recall all these facets of your life. For many years of my life I buried my head in a book or a game that would take me away from reality. My memory is shit, atleast with certain things that don't interest me. If it doesn't interest me it will probably get mental dumped. I try to recall these times in my life to gain a better understanding of it, and mostly I get jumbles of images and shitty teen angst ridden poetry that I've thrown away over the years. I just wish I could figure out why I do the things I do... Not have it happen THEN react.
Im pretty sure I've veered off point as tends to happen when I post long ideas on my phone. My fingers keep moving and my brain moves past them, so when it stops to check the terrain its unfamiliar at best. Ha. Im jealous to a certain extent of your ability to recall all these facets of your life. For many years of my life I buried my head in a book or a game that would take me away from reality. My memory is shit, atleast with certain things that don't interest me. If it doesn't interest me it will probably get mental dumped. I try to recall these times in my life to gain a better understanding of it, and mostly I get jumbles of images and shitty teen angst ridden poetry that I've thrown away over the years. I just wish I could figure out why I do the things I do... Not have it happen THEN react.
I think, as western society keeps evolving, women will become even more independent of traditional relationships. Women are 'men' by which I mean they have taken on the roles of family provider, business executive, manager of males. And with those equalling of roles comes an equalling of perceptions. Many women like men ( say George Clooney) do not and will not want long term relationships or even shot term exclusive relationships. I have heard it said that a beautiful woman can have any man. And many of them will explore that ability now that the outmoded role of property and homebody for a man disappear. Women will, as have some do already, have as diverse sexual life's as men. And they will not be considered as just 'renegades' or 'misfits' in society. They may become the norm. The only wild card is child bearing and child nurturing. Biology forces the first, and I am not sure that it doesn't have a great influence on the second.
Dolfette, I find you one of the more intriguing women here and I love reading your posts because you come around from the other side of the mirror, if that makes any sense.
I am an old fashioned Texas girl, so there's background for you. But I gave up on happily ever after when my husband left me when I wasn't yet 21. I aged out, I guess. Had a child and was soiled goods. Good riddance. I've had very little contact with him over the past 20 years, and that's a very good thing.
But that shaped my life more than anything that came before it. I could have been a nun for the next four years until I discovered that I was more than Pris' mom. I reawakened sexually, but I still required a relationship to make it more that just rutting. Those old fashioned values rise to the surface again.
About 12 years ago I found myself faced with a man who would become my soulmate. I wasn't looking, I didn't have a shopping list. And if I did have a list he wouldn't have matched up real well. Maybe that's why it seems to be magical. He was also the victim of a cheating partner and had no use for another ball and chain. But yet, there I was ready to shackle him, and he let me!
It's not perfect, that's for sure. It takes a ton of work, but it's so worth it. We both give each other huge amounts of space. We know that helps make it work. He never gets in my business and I stay away from his. He's a musician, I'm a designer, both of us extremely right-brained. I think what also helps is that he treats me like a princess, and I treat him like the slob that he is. Well, not a slob really, but a regular guy. He smells, forgets to pick up after himself, and makes wild and crazy sex. OK, that last part makes it very easy to accept the other two.
So, now we come to the crazy sex part. All I can say is that there's a lot to be said for experience. We both come to the table with an extensive portfolio, his quite a bit thicker than mine, and you can take that any way you want it. He was certainly more indiscriminate than me in his past relationships. I expected my relationships to last for more than 45 minutes; he wasn't so much of a stickler for time.
He is the reason that I'm on this site, and I've always said he could be crowned king here, but for all that he has equipment-wise, he's never relied on size alone to do the work for him. Variety, role-play, humor - oh, lots and lots of humor and laughing, and just plain damn fun!
OK, ok, I'm rambling now, but I just wanted to say how much your post made me think, Dolfette. Thanks!
I am an old fashioned Texas girl, so there's background for you. But I gave up on happily ever after when my husband left me when I wasn't yet 21. I aged out, I guess. Had a child and was soiled goods. Good riddance. I've had very little contact with him over the past 20 years, and that's a very good thing.
But that shaped my life more than anything that came before it. I could have been a nun for the next four years until I discovered that I was more than Pris' mom. I reawakened sexually, but I still required a relationship to make it more that just rutting. Those old fashioned values rise to the surface again.
About 12 years ago I found myself faced with a man who would become my soulmate. I wasn't looking, I didn't have a shopping list. And if I did have a list he wouldn't have matched up real well. Maybe that's why it seems to be magical. He was also the victim of a cheating partner and had no use for another ball and chain. But yet, there I was ready to shackle him, and he let me!
It's not perfect, that's for sure. It takes a ton of work, but it's so worth it. We both give each other huge amounts of space. We know that helps make it work. He never gets in my business and I stay away from his. He's a musician, I'm a designer, both of us extremely right-brained. I think what also helps is that he treats me like a princess, and I treat him like the slob that he is. Well, not a slob really, but a regular guy. He smells, forgets to pick up after himself, and makes wild and crazy sex. OK, that last part makes it very easy to accept the other two.
So, now we come to the crazy sex part. All I can say is that there's a lot to be said for experience. We both come to the table with an extensive portfolio, his quite a bit thicker than mine, and you can take that any way you want it. He was certainly more indiscriminate than me in his past relationships. I expected my relationships to last for more than 45 minutes; he wasn't so much of a stickler for time.
He is the reason that I'm on this site, and I've always said he could be crowned king here, but for all that he has equipment-wise, he's never relied on size alone to do the work for him. Variety, role-play, humor - oh, lots and lots of humor and laughing, and just plain damn fun!
OK, ok, I'm rambling now, but I just wanted to say how much your post made me think, Dolfette. Thanks!
Ellie, you are correct. Agree with her or not, Dolfie is a big catalyst here. She poses the questions that get the flow of ideas going. When she dropped out for several months, I thought things really slowed down. How many 'am I big or what' post can you read. Petulant or ingratiating, straitlaced or libertine, Dolfie stirs the coals.
:tongue: Come on, I know you're tempted to use the :redface:. Come on, don't pretend. :biggrin1:
@ EllieP
I really enjoyed your post. Mostly, for me, because of the falling your lap kind of love. What you said is spot on. I personally believe the best things in life come to you when you least expect them. Your story is an inspiring one IMHO. I too was surprised to find that I HAD to comment after reading her post. Def glad we have some higher caliber posters/thinkers/people around here.*not to imply you are not or that there isn't a great many more*
=]
I really enjoyed your post. Mostly, for me, because of the falling your lap kind of love. What you said is spot on. I personally believe the best things in life come to you when you least expect them. Your story is an inspiring one IMHO. I too was surprised to find that I HAD to comment after reading her post. Def glad we have some higher caliber posters/thinkers/people around here.*not to imply you are not or that there isn't a great many more*
=]
Similar threads
