The word "friend"

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BigDallasDick8x6, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. BigDallasDick8x6

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    I wonder how the dynamic would have been different if the site creators had used a term other than "friend." Like "contact" or something.

    It seems several people really take the word "friend" to heart, because they have comments in their signatures about the various hurdles people have to go over to be their friends.

    I don't think I have ever turned down a friend request from anyone on here. Do I think we are really "friends"?? No, not in the strict sense of the word, because we have never met. However, I do think people who have been pen pals (remember those?) for 10 years or so and have never met might consider themselves friends. Some of you who have been on here for years and exchanged hundreds of emails with someone might consider each other friends and it's not my place to argue with that.

    I know it's polite and good form to acknowledge a friend add with at least a quick message "Thanks for the add" etc. but sometimes I don't even have time for that. Later on we might eventually PM, but there are people who have added me as a friend and there has not been any further contact. So are we truly "friends" just because that's what the website designers called it? Hardly.

    Some people by now might be thinking -- "I want my friends to be real friends, people I can count on" etc. Not that I'm disagreeing with that. I guess all I am saying is the Facebooks, and MySpaces and yes, LPSG.orgs of the word chose to use the word "friend." And I'm not buying the fact that just because THEY call that function "friend" that doesn't mean I would consider someone I have had 1 or 2 email exchanges with as a friend on the same level as a "true" friend that I have known for years and we have had some level of emotional intimacy and mutual support.

    And since I don't buy into some website designer's designation of "friend" as in anyway equal to my real life true friends, I don't feel any need to put up barriers to anyone who wants to add me as a "friend" because my mind has my real life friends and my "website friends" in two different rooms, and calling website acquaintances my "friends" doesn't cheapen the value I place on my real capital F Friends.

    But it seems some people process this the opposite way -- they really want the word "friend" to actually mean that, even on a website, so they ask you not to contact them unless __________ (fill in the blank).

    Just another of those fascinating differences in people that make the world an interesting place.

    Certainly some of my "friends" on here are definitely kewl people I've had interesting conversations with, and several of them have a lot of values in common with me so there is a connectedness there. I'm glad I have made their acquaintance just as the random interesting person you might have a conversation with in a line or at a party and never see again, but you remember them and/or the conversation for years. The exchange has still enriched your life.

    I haven't articulated what I wanted to get across very well, so I'll give up now and plead cold medicine impairment.

    But I would like to hear some other people give their thoughts on what they think about the "friend" category on social networking sites.
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    The word friend is over rated, people on here are nothing more than contacts. I guess there is very few people I am actually friends with off the site, those who are have my email address and I've probably talked to with voice chat.
     
  3. AlteredEgo

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    Sure they're just contacts, but i'm not about to put someone on that list unless we have had previous contact. An old Chinese proverb says, "In the end, you shall be judged by the company you keep." If someone wants insight into me, they can go through my friends list. These are the kind of people I like, even when we disagree. These are the people in whom I see some reflection of myself. So I do not accept every friend request. In fact, I delete most of them.
     
  4. thadjock

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    wow and i though I over thought stuff
     
  5. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    It should be a clue to you when you shop at a convenience store and the clerk calls you "my friend". The term is way over-used.
     
  6. thadjock

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    mccain is the king of overusing the word. there should be a federal prison for dudes likethat.
     
  7. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    What he said.....
     
  8. Calboner

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    It pissed me off when the administrators introduced the "Friends" feature into the site, and it still pisses me off. What annoys me about it is that you can't opt out of it: you have to deal with friend requests. Even if you think, as I do, that the whole set-up is bullshit, you can't get away from it, unless you are willing to take the step of denying all requests; but even that is a forced choice.

    Before the "Friends" bullshit was introduced, we had a "Buddy" list. It did not bother me that the word "buddy" was used, because the list was purely private and did not affect the people whom one put on it. You could put anyone you wanted on to your list: you didn't have to get the other person's permission to do so, and nobody else would know that you had done so, not even those you put on your list. That seemed to me a perfectly sane arrangement.

    But then some fucking geniuses decided that LPSG had to be like Facebullshit and Mybullshit and all those other bullshit sites. I think it was the dumbest thing ever done on this site. Every week, despite what I say in my signature and in my profile, I get "Friend" requests from people with whom I have had no previous communication at all. Out of politeness, I write to them, but most of them are not interested in corresponding: they will perhaps answer, but they clearly have nothing of any interest to say to me or any interest in hearing from me. It is a total fucking annoyance.
     
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