There are no fat people in heaven.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by snoozan, Jan 1, 2008.

  1. snoozan

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    I just read an article that said anyone with a BMI higher than 25, a waist to hip ratio over 1.0 and/or body fat over 22% automatically get the heave-ho from the pearly gates.

    Discuss.
     
  2. Guy-jin

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    No dogs either.

    Sounds like a truly awesome place huh?
     
  3. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    My bmi is 25.8... sucks to be me.
     
  4. simcha

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    Damn, well, I guess I'm really headed for the hottest section of the Roasting Pit, then... I mean, Gay, Jewish, AND Fat. It's a trifecta.
     
  5. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    Mmmm don't you just love religion?
     
  6. Hellboy0

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    Yup, all us fun people will be nice and toasty. Can't think of any other group of folks I'd rather spend eternity with!!!! Is good to be us, don't ya think>:wink:
     
  7. Principessa

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    Must have been an article about Jehovah's Witnesses. Aren't they the group that already know exactly 177,000 people will go to heaven. Kinda makes sense that they would all be thin. :tongue::confused:
     
  8. simcha

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    Yeah, and when I get there I'm redecorating the place. And we'll throw a big party!
     
  9. whatireallywant

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    I knew an overweight, very religious woman once who put it this way...(I'm paraphrasing, since I can't remember her exact words)

    "A lot of us very religious people are fat because all the other things considered fun, we don't believe in, so we eat".

    I guess they should go ahead and do all the other "sinful but fun" things, if they're not going to go to heaven anyway! :biggrin1:
     
  10. whatireallywant

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    I about keeled over once hearing something a standup comedian said (and I'm the person who usually doesn't like standup comedy because most of it is gender stereotyping...)

    Something to the effect of "If Jehovah's Witnesses only believe that 177,000 people are going to heaven, why do they keep knocking on doors trying to convert people? Wouldn't you think they'd keep that information to themselves so they'd have a better chance of being one of those 177,000?" :biggrin1:
     
  11. snoozan

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    There are juggling monkeys, though, or so I've heard.

    Don't worry, they have ellipticals and Weight Watchers' meetings in purgatory. I imagine if you work hard enough to be a thin person, you'll go to heaven at the apocalypse. Good luck with that.

    There's already a spot in the seventh circle of hell reserved for the likes of you.
     
  12. simcha

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    Well, so long as I have special reservations in the first class section, then...
     
  13. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    She's right you know...
    • Seventh Circle. This circle houses the violent. Its entry is guarded by the Minotaur, and it is divided into three rings:
      • Outer ring, housing the violent against people and property, who are immersed in Phlegethon, a river of boiling blood, to a level commensurate with their sins. The Centaurs, commanded by Chiron, patrol the ring. The centaur Nessus guides the poets along Phlegethon and across a ford in the river. (Canto XII)
      • Middle ring: In this ring are the suicides, who are transformed into gnarled thorny bushes and trees. They are torn at by the Harpies. Unique among the dead, the suicides will not be bodily resurrected after the final judgment, having given their bodies away through suicide. Instead they will maintain their bushy form, with their own corpses hanging from the limbs. Dante breaks a twig off of one of the bushes and hears the tale of Pier delle Vigne, who committed suicide after falling out of favor with Emperor Frederick II. The other residents of this ring are the profligates, who destroyed their lives by destroying the means by which life is sustained (i.e. money and property). They are perpetually chased by ferocious dogs through the thorny undergrowth. (Canto XIII) The trees are a metaphor; in life the only way of the relief of suffering was through pain (i.e. suicide) and in Hell, the only form of relief of the suffering is through pain (breaking of the limbs to bleed).
      • Inner ring: The violent against God (blasphemers), the violent against nature (sodomites), and the violent against art (usurers), all reside in a desert of flaming sand with fiery flakes raining from the sky. The blasphemers lie on the sand, the usurers sit, and the sodomites wander about in groups. Dante converses with two Florentine sodomites from different groups: Brunetto Latini, a poet; and Iacopo Rusticucci, a politician. (Cantos XIV through XVI) Those punished here for usury include Florentines Catello di Rosso Gianfigliazzi, Ciappo Ubriachi, and Giovanni di Buiamonte, and Paduans Reginaldo degli Scrovegni and Vitaliano di Iacopo Vitaliani.
    Sounds rather like Club Med to me.
     
  14. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    man... I was looking forward to going to Hell... but not now if it's just going to be a bunch of fatties.




    my honest opinion: it's funny anyone would be surprised that someone else would think this. Because in the current social climate it's not okay to get on someone's case for being fat but it is still perfectly fine to get on their case for something equally inconsequential, like having lots of sex, or using recreational drugs in the privacy of their own homes, well then it's fine to assume this latter group of people are going to burn in the fiery pit. Because all these Christian hobbyists like to pick and choose their own morality, naturally they assume the things that they don't do or the things that are currently trendy to denounce are the REALLY bad things. Other stuff that they enjoy doing... like all-you-can-eat dinners at Red Lobster, or skipping on tithing so you can spend all your money on expensive shoes, or working on the Sabbath, or being a lazy slob sitting around using the internet all day... THAT stuff probably isn't really as abominable as the Bible makes it sound... we can let that stuff slide. Masturbation... that's iffy. It may still be wrong but as long as nobody knows we're doing it, it's probably okay.
     
  15. snoozan

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    I can't read what NIC just posted up there because I have him on ignore, so could someone quote it in a post for me?
     
  16. rob_just_rob

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    Perhaps the restaurants are better in hell?
     
  17. jason_els

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    :confused::confused::confused:

    Just click the link that says, "view post." It won't remove him from your ignore list.

    It pains me to learn you two do not get along to that degree.
     
  18. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Too many fra diavolo dishes.
     
  19. snoozan

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    Whoops! A little explication needed...

    I'm needling Ryan. He seems to have caught the ire of an erstwhile poster who had to point out EVERY FLIPPING TIME that Ryan made a post that he couldn't read what Ryan said because he had him on ignore. Then he'd respond to Ryan via what someone else quoted that Ryan wrote in their post. I hope that makes sense.

    Actually, I like Ryan very much, though the feeling may not be mutual. Ah, well.
     
  20. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I'd like Susan better if she lost 50 pounds, other than that, I think she's great.
     
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