there is one sex act you adore,

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dolfette, Jul 24, 2009.

  1. dolfette

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    it gives you pleasure above all other.
    it takes you to heaven.
    it makes your soul sing.

    but your partner doesn't like it.
    either:
    #1, it doesn't turn them on
    #2, it actively turns them off
    #3, they find it uncomfortable
    #4, they find it painful

    what's the solution?
     
  2. D_Paddy Gonia

    D_Paddy Gonia <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    talk about it.....communication will take care of alot of your problems
     
  3. dolfette

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    cop out answer.
    talking about an act won't stop it being a turn off or painful.
    after talking you will still have needs and they will still have aversions.
    so what is reasonable for you to expect from him/her?
     
  4. crescendo69

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    Find out her favourite sex act; then work out a compromise to please eachother. One time you get your wish; another time she gets hers. But maybe only once a week for each. Other times you have the usually mutually satisfying sex.
     
  5. CALAMBO

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    FIND ANOTHER LOVER......I have had this problem long time...it does not improve...or learn to live with it....which still does not solve the problem....THUS i have found my vice in another person...which has its own set of problems.....FUCK ME...i am doomed.....Please do not follow my path.
     
  6. dolfette

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    does that apply for all four situations?
    if he/she found the act painful you would barter with his/her pleasure?
    would you withhold his/her favourite sex act if they couldn't bear indulging yours?
     
  7. dolfette

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    i need details. lots of details.
    ...because i'm nosey.
     
  8. crescendo69

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    When compromise is not possible, you may have to move on..
     
  9. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    If I had a partner that had issues with an act that you describe that would make me so happy and take me to heaven, then I hate to say it, but I think I would have to move on. There is not way you are going to get them to change their mind about it and if it brings me that much pleasure, then why should I have to go without? There could not be compromises because ideally that would not work or be fair for the partner who doesn't like it.
     
  10. dolfette

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    woohoo! a straight answer!! :tongue:
     
  11. dongalong

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    The difficult solution would be to use psychology and with the right words and actions, convince them that it is possible to enjoy giving such pleasure and the reward for trying will be worth it for both partners. (#1,#2)

    Once the person's mind has been prised open, every effort to avoid discomfort and pain will be required, lots of preparation, being extra sensitive to their reactions, using lube or other aids to keep everything pleasurable. Rewarding that person for making an effort by doing something that they would like, for example (#3,#4)

    It is a more positive solution than moving on, especially if everything else in the relationship is worth keeping.
     
  12. dolfette

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    hmm...you don't think it's a little arrogant to assume he/she has something wrong with them just because they're not into what you're into?
    i'm sure there are acts which repulse you. does that mean you just need fixing?

    and some acts are painful to some people regardless of attitude and preparation...for example, i know a girl with a jaw injury, and another with hemorrhoids.

    so enough with the wishy washy!
    should they put out?
     
  13. WideAndDeep

    WideAndDeep New Member

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    Solution (a): If you truly love and enjoy your partner in all other respects, you let go of your attachment to this particular act, stay with them, and don't hound them about it.

    Solution (b): If you have good communication with your partner, have been together for a long time, and are both secure in the relationship, talk about the possibility of fulfilling this desire elsewhere/with someone else while still maintaining the relationship. This is a delicate proposition--highly unlikely but not unheard of.

    Solution (c) (not recommended!): Find another outlet for this desire without telling your partner about it.

    Solution (d): Get out of the relationship.
     
  14. eddie80

    eddie80 New Member

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    The only answer to this question, shitty as it sounds, is this: decide the sex act is so important to you that it trumps your love and need for this person, and leave them. Or, decide the opposite and get over it.

    Prolonging this question in your own mind does you no good.
     
  15. dongalong

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    OK for the examples: I heard that hemorrhoids can be treated or removed, the body will eventually repair a jaw injury and surgery can improve the action if there are further complications, many things can be fixed and attitudes can change.

    They should put out if they are 100% sure that it will be worth it - will making their partner happy be better for the relationship than making them unhappy due to refusals, frustrations and arguments etc.

    Is a sore arse or jaw better than bitterness or a broken heart?
     
  16. MickeyLee

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    i am very fortunate to have a long list of sex acts i adore. :biggrin1: if someone isn't into one or two of 'em i just move over to column B and pick from there.

    i don't expect anyone to do anything their don't enjoy, simple as that. i also have figured out i'm more successful in relationships with people i'm compatible with. i couldn't hook up with Miss Vanilla 2009 and i don't think she would have much fun once the handcuff and strap-on took the stage.

    i've had a few women ask to try an act they found squicky in the past, i think mostly because i'm female and really some these acts really don't do anything for me physcially (it's all head space and liking to get someone off) so there wasn't the idea that i would force the issue beyond their comfort zone. doesn't happen ever time but it's been fun for both people when it happens.
     
  17. Wish-4-8

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    What ever you disire and dont get becomes an obession. Then it is fueled by resentment. What are the options then? To cheat? Get a prostitute?

    What is the #1 requested by prostitutes? Blow jobs. Why? Because the wives wont do it.

    This is exactly why I said on another thread that it is stupid to "save yourself for marriage". Because after the novelty of that "moral" gesture wears of, and everyone stops caring, reality hits. Then you have your whole marriage to deal with and you find out that you either have to do things you dont like, or your partner will not do things you dont like.

    I keep saying that sexual compatability is just as important in a marriage or relationship as love, commitment, and all that other stuff on a Hallmark Card. All components need to be in place. I mean, you could have great sex and still feel empty because you do not feel true love. So in my opinion, neither trumps the other. You need more than just a motor to make a car run. You take one part out and the car doesnt go.

    Basically, yes, find out early and move on if you are not satisfied. Sex and money are the two biggest reasons people get divorced.

    I have been in situations where I am wishing for something and it sucks. Then you feel that you may be shallow for feeling that way. Then you move on and find a person will ALL the qualities you like and you realize:
    1. There are always more fish in the sea.
    2. Life is too short to settle because you dont think you can do better.
     
  18. dolfette

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    so you think someone should have possibly risky surgery to something that otherwise causes little issue, for the sake of one sex act? ...assuming it can be fixed.

    surely their resentment at being pushed into unpleasant or painful acts is as important as yours at being denied them?

    is a little frustration on your part better than bitterness or a broken heart?
     
  19. TheRob

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    honestly it depends on what specific act it is
     
  20. JacobFox

    JacobFox Member

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    Well, I feel I am going to be Mr. Vanilla here, even though some of my kinkiest fantasies would PROBABLY freak some of you out :p

    My bf and I are extremely compatible. It's weird, because I am so much into kink while also liking outwardly wholesome boys who have a bit of kink (or a lot of kink) that not everyone knows about.

    We both have some things that the other is not totally into (don't ask, you REALLY don't want to know) but we still work together good. We compromise and I have tried things I am not interested in and vice versa. I hope everyone can have a lover who is so accomadating.
     
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