there is one sex act you adore,
- Thread starter dolfette
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Yeah, like you say, what if the act was sex itself?
I'll have to write from the point of view of a hetero male because that's what I am and bracketing he/his/hers to cover all relationship eventualities is clunky.
Plenty of relationships and marriages end up suffering because of that one, and whether the low libido is hormonal, stress, some outside sex trauma (like sexual assault or harassment) or self esteem it has bad consequences for the relationship. The trouble with giving it up in a situation like that is that the one who "desires" ends up needing it just to get off, and the one with the low libido withdraws even more from that need, seeing it as oppressive.
Usually the one with the higher libido isn't so dysfunctional that they can't see the person giving up the sex without any great enjoyment is not enjoying it all that much. That in itself is hurtful to the one with the high sex drive because neither can get on the same page - one can't see why the other wants it, the other can't see why the other doesn't. Everyone who wants sex, really wants a gasping, wriggling, sex-hungry partner with real desire in their eyes and "giving it up" only works once in a while.
So yes, giving it up is ok once in a while, and will almost certainly happen in a LTR, but both partners have to be turned on by it most of the time or the relationship will die unless you're both making demonstrable efforts to get to the root cause.
I'll have to write from the point of view of a hetero male because that's what I am and bracketing he/his/hers to cover all relationship eventualities is clunky.
Plenty of relationships and marriages end up suffering because of that one, and whether the low libido is hormonal, stress, some outside sex trauma (like sexual assault or harassment) or self esteem it has bad consequences for the relationship. The trouble with giving it up in a situation like that is that the one who "desires" ends up needing it just to get off, and the one with the low libido withdraws even more from that need, seeing it as oppressive.
Usually the one with the higher libido isn't so dysfunctional that they can't see the person giving up the sex without any great enjoyment is not enjoying it all that much. That in itself is hurtful to the one with the high sex drive because neither can get on the same page - one can't see why the other wants it, the other can't see why the other doesn't. Everyone who wants sex, really wants a gasping, wriggling, sex-hungry partner with real desire in their eyes and "giving it up" only works once in a while.
So yes, giving it up is ok once in a while, and will almost certainly happen in a LTR, but both partners have to be turned on by it most of the time or the relationship will die unless you're both making demonstrable efforts to get to the root cause.
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