They Love Me ... They Love Me Not ... That 'Tis The Question.

[GoneA]

Um, hey guys:

I need the general consensus here to put an end to a debate I've been having with a friend. This debate has been going on for quite some time and we've almost come to blows because of it (okay, not really, but whatev...). This is my question: how long do you date a guy/girl before you call them your boy/girlfriend?

The person I'm with now I dated for one month before they "officially" became my boyfriend. My good-friend says this is "WAY TOO SOON", and many people agree with him. However, many other people say this is ample time to make that kind of decision. I honestly don't know any more...

For the record, I personally take exception to the "you guys should be friends first" response. I just don't see where that's entirely necessary. In my humble experience, very rarely do you remain friends with the person with which you've ended a relationship. I know it's very possible (and it does happen), but still somewhat rare. I think "friendship" will naturally develop once you guys are seriously seeing each other ... in fact, I find when "friendship" is treated as a prerequsite, I lose a great deal of sexual interest in the person. I would never date a friend, that is.

So, how it is for you guys? Are you ready to marry the person after a one-night-stand or after twenty-years are still hesitant about holding hands?

Do tell...

 

[fratpack]

GoneA, this may not be the answer you are looking for but honestly for me, when it it happens and it is the right person, you just know and the timing of it becomes unimportant.

 

[snoozan]

I agree with Fratpack.

I think within a week my husband and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, engaged by 4 months and married after we'd been dating 8 months. It didn't hurt that we worked together for 3 years prior, but we both knew very very quickly. It depends on the relationship and the people in it. I'm the type of person that just "knows" my feelingvery quickly.

On the other hand, I was with a guy for somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 years and we never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend even though we were exclusive and made mad professions of love to each other. It was a fucked up relationship.

I've also been in the middle of those two extremes and hedged for a couple months before I knew what was going on in the relationship.

If it works for you, that's all that's important. Fuck what other people think is right.

 

[Matthew]

Like everybody says, it depends on the couple and the situation. But a month can definitely be enough time to make at official.

 

[Lordpendragon]

After the first three inches.

 

[snoozan]

After the first three inches.

In that case. my husband and I still aren't bf abd gf. :biggrin1::tongue::biggrin1::tongue:

 

[Lex]

GoneA, this may not be the answer you are looking for but honestly for me, when it it happens and it is the right person, you just know and the timing of it becomes unimportant.

Ditto. Hard and fast rules don't work in these situatuions.

 

[jeff black]

Ditto. Hard and fast rules don't work in these situatuions.

They never do.

Personally, I am a hardcore romantic. I believe you could fall for someone without actually meeting them, or only meeting them once. as a believer in love at first sight.. I say 1 month is plenty of time.

 

[madame_zora]

b/f and g/f relationships aren't a legally binding contract. No one assumes that you're "together forever" just because you call someone your s/o. I would think that whatever amount of time you feel is relevant is fine. If the time comes to make a more serious committment, you'll know. Personally, I'm against making rules about matters of the heart. Pretty pointless, really.

I'm just glad to hear you're happy, baby!

 

[DC_DEEP]

Hey, GoneA, there are some good comments so far. I don't really think the calendar will tell you when you go from "friend" to "boyfriend" designation. Probably a better measure would be when your friends start thinking of you as "a couple," rather than "you and the person you have been dating."

 

[GoneA]

Ahh, yes, thank you guys very much. As always, I can count on my LPSG buddies.

Just for the record, though, I have always thought the same way you guys think: it all depends on the person you're with. I simply couldn't agree more. I'm just trying to convince someone else otherwise. Admittedly, though, my friend did have me thinking I was perhpas jumping the gun, as it were; however, I'm sure that isn't the case.

Again, thanks! :wink: