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They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster

petite

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If you haven't read Chris Kluwe's letter yet, it's worthwhile!

Here are some excerpts, but I highly recommend reading the whole thing from beginning to end.

Chris Kluwe: An Open Letter to Emmett Burns

Editor's note: Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has voiced his support for a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize same-sex marriage in the state. In response, Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns, Jr. (D-Baltimore) wrote a letter to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti urging him to "inhibit such expressions from your employee." In the open letter below, Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe responds to Burns.

Dear Emmett C. Burns, Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of the United States government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail:

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents in order to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to argue that the Ravens should silence Brendon Ayanbadejo from voicing his support for same-sex marriage, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, but you come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on Earth would possess you to say something so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to free speech. To call that "hypocritical" would be to do a disservice to the word. "Mindfuckingly, obscenely hypocritical" starts to approach it a little bit.

2. You wrote, "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who is, according to your Wikipedia page, "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different from what you believe, or act differently from you? How does gay marriage affect your life in any way, shape, or form? Are you worried that if gay marriage became legal, all of a sudden you'd start thinking about penis? ("Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!") Will all your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely. Gay people enjoy watching football, too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population, rights like Social Security benefits, childcare tax credits, family and medical leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA health care for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gay Americans? Full-fledged citizens, just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?


For the rest of the letter:
Chris Kluwe: An Open Letter to Emmett Burns

If it wasn't so funny, it wouldn't have gone viral, and for that reason this letter is brilliant.

Check out his pics, too. He's a hottie!
 

Drifterwood

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Brilliant. Though I think some do want to "overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery". Well I would. :smile:
 

petite

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Brilliant. Though I think some do want to "overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery". Well I would. :smile:

So do some straight people!

A friend showed this to me yesterday. Loved it, especially the "Mindfuckingly, obscenely hypocritical" part.

I was actually surprised no one had made a thread on it, yet, but I took a day to run a few questions by the moderators before I posted it. C'est la vie.
 

MickeyLee

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ya know ya are in the presence of greatness when you read the words "fromunda stain" in an open letter to a politician.

i started my slow-build clap by the end of the first paragraph.
 
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lms28

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TurkeyWithaSunburn

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I love him :07:

It made me laugh when I read that quote "they won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster" :biggrin:

I find it heartening that there are 2 NFL players speaking out FOR same-sex marriage. The world is changing. :cool:
 

masked_marauder

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I really, really, REALLY dislike Delegate Burns. Thankfully he isn't my delegate, but he represents a district nearby-ish.

I listened in on the proceedings at the State House earlier this year when the general assembly considered the bill to enact same-sex marriage here. He got up as the first witness against the bill, and proceeded to have a bigoted rant about how it's not natural and will destroy his marriage and the marriages of everyone else (why? cuz we will be happier in our marriages than you are in yours?). Then, he told us something he's never told anyone before... (that's right, I just rolled my eyes)... that he was propositioned once as a young man by an older man, and it made him feel dirty, and that is how all gay men act, and will act, toward everyone, if same-sex marriage is passed. Nothing but a bunch of lies to my ears (including the secret story).

There were also a bunch of other people who testified who truly believed because of one reason or another that legalizing same-sex marriage would have everyone in the state bending over for someone else while eating the American flag.

I'm so glad that just enough of the assembly ignored Mr. Burns and voted for the measure. Now to get past the proposition on the ballot this fall....
 

witch

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:eek:
“that he was propositioned once as a young man” ……pardon, women get propositioned all the time and by both sexes. Was he so delicate that he was scared for life, how hard is it to say “no thank you, not interested” and go about your business?

But me thinks if he had said yes, he might be a better man for it …..:rolleyes: