Things All Women Should Know

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by jakeatolla, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. jakeatolla

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    • SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.
    • Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
    • Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
    • If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
    • Butthead is the smart one.
    • Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
    • You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
    • Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."
    • Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
    • Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer.
    • Socks never constitute a gift.
    • Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby.
    • We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask.
    • We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
    • Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act.
    • Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense to do "Sirens" rather than "Waterworld."
    • Curley is the bald one.
    • Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of yours.
    • Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that.
    • Its in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz together.
    • Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.
    • Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation are not.
    • Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better.
    • No, you can't have the remote control.
     
  2. Ethyl

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    Couldn't resist.:biggrin1:
     
  3. jakeatolla

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    Coments from a beautiful Woman such as yourself are
    always welcome .:wink:
     
  4. SpoiledPrincess

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    • SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. - Sesame Street also lasts an hour, both programs let us do grown up things while we know you’re safely occupied and not getting into mischief.
    • Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. – Two minutes of you thrusting while we read cosmo over your shoulder does actually constitute sex.
    • Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store. – Who cares what you look like, go and put some shelves up.
    • If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? – To check you’re not playing truant.
    • Butthead is the smart one. – compared to our partner yes.
    • Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? – as if you’d notice if the bra matched the pants.
    • You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. We know what you’re thinking and we also know what you’re going to be thinking about next.
    • Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship." – Neither does it need to be filled with random burps and farts
    • Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. – let’s face it if we didn’t help you with the Sunday crossword you’d never get past clue 1
    • Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer. – we encourage individuality and initiative up to a point J
    • Socks never constitute a gift. – neither do petrol station flowers
    • Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby. – yes it’s very obliging of them to put something there to keep you amused
    • We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask. – I don’t know anything about sports, don’t even think about asking cos if you do I’ll know
    • We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. – your aura of testosterone scared them to death
    • Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act. – he does have lots of money though
    • Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense to do "Sirens" rather than "Waterworld." – she’s still got the biggest head I’ve ever seen on a woman
    • Curley is the bald one. – I’m English I don’t even know who Curley, Harry and Blow are
    • Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of yours. – if you ever want sex again it does
    • Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that. – you have to consider the audience they’re aimed at, for women a magazine with words is so much more interesting than one which only has pictures
    • Its in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz together. – couldn’t agree more I don’t want to know the guy I’ve been sleeping with for x months thinks its acceptable to turn his boxers inside out if he can’t find clean ones
    • Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to. – we don’t expect you to know, we don’t expect you to know anything we haven’t told you
    • Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation are not. – I think the amount of post coital conversation should be exactly the same length as the sex, so a two minute chat is fine with me
    • Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better. – It is much better to give than receive so for your birthday I’d let you have all the pleasure of giving me something.
    • No, you can't have the remote control. – Snigger, we let you have it so you can imagine you’re in control of at least something.
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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    grr my red disappeared :(
     
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