Things men should never say during sex

[sbat]

-Is there any pastrami left in the fridge?

-Hey, you look like my friend Sarah from work! Except your tits aren't as big :frown1:

-Can I watch the game while we're doing it?

-My last girlfriend made that same noise when I fucked her in the ass! Except your tits aren't as big

-Baby, don't move! Let me get a camera

-Umm...don't be mad, but I think I peed inside of you

 

[HakaiToson]

I had a laugh reading these. Thanks.

 

[HazelGod]

-I'm surprised...your sister's pussy was tighter.

 

[Dorian_Gray]

-I'm surprised...your sister's pussy was tighter.

Damn!

 

[Smooth88]

And subscribed. I think I'm gonna make this a twitter topic.

 

[HazelGod]

Damn!

Yeah, it works just as well with mom in place of sister, too. :biggrin1:

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Damn bitch, i need vicegrips to keep from falling in there.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

- your mom is hot

 

[wallyj84]

Something I said when a partner asked me why I wanted to have sex with her was, "You're practice." She told me to get off of her, right then and there.

 

[HiddenLacey]

"your on the pill.... right?"

 

[B_icsmo]

I learned this the hard way:

I was making love with this girl...and she'd have given my dick quite a few friction blisters in the past...but this time I wasn't in pain (for the first time).

Me: "Oh you make me feel so good....you're so loose" [meaning, you're pussy not squeezing my dick like it usually does.]

Her: [stopping to fuck]: "What? what do you mean my pussy's loose? It's supposed to be tight. You don't say that to a woman."

Me: "I just meant you weren't going to give me a friction blister this time."

That was the end of sex for that day. Nothing I said could correct.

 

[B_crackoff]

This is the first time I've had 3 women in a day!

Wow you're fat.

What's that smell?

Well if you will let a stranger tie you up...

I think that I followed through when I farted.

You know I said that I was wearing a condom...

Mummy, mummy, muummy.

The colour scheme in here sucks

Don't worry, I'm never telling anyone that we f*cked

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

Is it in?

Is it in your arse or your ****?

They were right...you do look better in the dark!

Yeah my test did come back clear.....

You are on the pill arnt you????

Your sister is better at that than you are!

When was the last time you shaved your upper lip????

Fook,the condom just come off!

 

[sbat]

Maybe I can get it up if you put this bag over your head

Totally just lied about wearing a condom...

What am I, like, guy number 8 today?

 

[B_curiousme01]

I forgot your name...

 

[517141]

blurting out another womans name

 

[Embrace69]

Hurry, my wife will be home soon.

 

[sxjTheFirst]

That fly on the ceiling hasn't moved for five minutes at least.

 

[Enid]

Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment...

 

[earllogjam]

So when do I move in?

I'm NOT sleeping on the wet spot.

Can I braid your hair?