Things men should never say during sex

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

Can't help reporting this one, because it was the beginning and end of my career as a cammer/fucker. I had REPEATEDLY told my partner that I was traumatized vicariously by the awful things people say in comments to others, and ABSOLUTELY did not want him to repeat any nasty comments about us to me. It was all arranged so he could see the laptop screen and I couldn't. But about ten seconds in, despite all my earlier pleas:

"They say we're OLD. They say we're UGLY. They say we're FAT."

Dozens of nice comments reported after that can never erase the horror of hearing those words. Even though "they" was one teenage hooligan from Manchester who couldn't let up with the dissing.

 

[HiddenLacey]

my wife's home...

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

You don't need a razor for that bush- you need a weedwhacker.

Your cousin can suck me off much better than you.

 

[curious_angel]

My husband is home.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Do you have your friends phone number

I think I must be gay

turn the light out when you've finished

OMG what IS that

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I havent had sex this good since i was in prison

Don't mind the smell, doctor me some cream for that

Let me go brush my tooth before we get started

Let me put a paper bag over my head and one over yours. (that's called a double bagger)

 

[metas]

"You are feeling good, right!"
"Are you done?"

 

[Darpon]

it was the beginning and end of my career... I was traumatized vicariously by the awful things people say in comments to others... Dozens of nice comments reported after that can never erase the horror of hearing those words.

...What? Could you elaborate more? I'm pretty sure I'm misunderstanding you. You were traumatized by comments?

Also:

-Heck, even MY sister's pussy was tighter!

-Could we turn a bit? I want my spy camera on the shelf to record you from the front.

-You're the easiest lay I've ever had!

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

"I think I got a warmer reception from an ice pop"

 

[JacKHeaD32]

(after 10 pumps) "I'm cumming!!"

 

[xxuxu]

"That's funny, I thought I put the keys to the cuffs right here..."

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

"Whoops, I think this rubber had a rip in it"

 

[Wrist_thick10]

Well that question is best answered by a woman, but I can tell what once happened to me. I was with a very pretty woman in Monterey, California. While we were having sex she asked me "who's pussy is this?" I looked at her and told her "I don't know." I got up, put my clothes on and left. Really.....she was a lesbian, and all I knew was that I was fucking her at that moment. The question really pissed me off.

 

[the_reverend]

-Y'know, speaking of sandpaper...
-Those curtains really clash with the rest of the decor.
-Cary Elwes! That was his name. Sorry, been stuck on that all day...
-Oh...oh...oh...OH, BATMAN!
-PLEASE tell me you have a cat and that's where that smell is coming from...

 

[sxjTheFirst]

- I will never knock masturbation ever again (mumble this repeatedly)
- Dude, where's my car
- You know the hourly rates double after midnight?
- Wow nice... you are your father's daughter all right !!!
- Wonder how many hits I'll get on xtube tmrw.

 

[EllieP]

OK, true story. And I know he's going to kill me when he reads this!!!

Once he called out my daughter's name, right in the middle of it all! I immediately stopped all the proceedings and sat up in bad, madder than hell and wondering what the F did he mean by that!

Poor baby, was on his knees with this look on his face that I cannot describe, and said "I think she just got home, we have to be quiet."

Well, that tore it up for me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, so needless to say that ended the festivities that afternoon.

I kind of felt sorry for him, but I couldn't keep from laughing about it.

 

[HiddenLacey]

OK, true story. And I know he's going to kill me when he reads this!!!

Once he called out my daughter's name, right in the middle of it all! I immediately stopped all the proceedings and sat up in bad, madder than hell and wondering what the F did he mean by that!

Poor baby, was on his knees with this look on his face that I cannot describe, and said "I think she just got home, we have to be quiet."

Well, that tore it up for me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, so needless to say that ended the festivities that afternoon.

I kind of felt sorry for him, but I couldn't keep from laughing about it.

LOL that's funny!!!! I bet you were contemplating murder!:biggrin1:

 

[EllieP]

LOL that's funny!!!! I bet you were contemplating murder!:biggrin1:

Murder? No. That would be too quick. A penis-ectomy was the first thing that popped into my mind! With nothing sharper than my fingernails. This had to be excruciating.

But seriously, it took me a long time to get my original thoughts out of my head! That was messed up!

 

[honeydew]

True comment here, five minutes into foreplay..., you take sooo long . WTF That ended that for the time being.

 

[Drifterwood]

Actually, I said SIT on my face.