Things men should never say during sex

[HiddenLacey]

Murder? No. That would be too quick. A penis-ectomy was the first thing that popped into my mind! With nothing sharper than my fingernails. This had to be excruciating.

But seriously, it took me a long time to get my original thoughts out of my head! That was messed up!

LOL :biggrin1: Arousal would be dead at this point!!!!

 

[RalDudeHangin]

Answering a cell phone.


Or better yet ansering a cell phone, "Hi. . . Oh nothing. What's up with you?"

 

[CynFully]

True story ...New Apt...that first nite I was atop my BF--slowly riding him and blurted out "what color do you think the drapes should be? I'm thinking a nice blue."

Lets just say...I could feel him wilt under me.

 

[Kevbo]

You feel a little... yeasty.

I was wondering... if I can put the game on... after this...

Sorry sorry sorry, but I need to take a piss. Be right back.

Your nostrils flare really endearingly when you get into it.

Is this the g-spot? No? How 'bout... here? No? Let's try...

Are you SURE you were a virgin before we began this? Because you sure don't feel like one. I've been with several and...

If I were to tell you I had a hidden cam set up on us, what would you say? Hypothetically speaking, of course?


Kevbo

 

[Incocknito]

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"I love you"
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"Here...I want you to wear this."

*Hands her a brown paper bag.*

"Now you look good..."

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"It would be bigger if you weren't so ugly."

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Here's a real one:

Her: You're weird
Me: You are
Her: Am I?

 

[someone1]

A mate, on 99 birds shagged, takes back a girl he'd been for drinks with. We (his housemates) all hide behind furniture in the living room when he came back. He starts his foreplay and asks her if she'd mind if he wore cricket gloves whilst they had sex, since it was a bit of a fetish thing for him. She looked confused but said fine, he goes into bag and puts them on. Then asks if he can wear pads, then finally a helmet. Fully padded up, proceeds to enter her and after about 3 minutes (LAD) comes, flicks on the main light switch. We all pop up from behind the sofa with rousing applause and cries of "THATS THE CENTURY!!", he grabs his cricket bat, removes his helmet and acknowledges the crowd

you definatly shouldn't do this, even if it's funny...

 

[Captain Elephant]

OK, true story. And I know he's going to kill me when he reads this!!!

Once he called out my daughter's name, right in the middle of it all! I immediately stopped all the proceedings and sat up in bad, madder than hell and wondering what the F did he mean by that!

Poor baby, was on his knees with this look on his face that I cannot describe, and said "I think she just got home, we have to be quiet."

Well, that tore it up for me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, so needless to say that ended the festivities that afternoon.

I kind of felt sorry for him, but I couldn't keep from laughing about it.

You're right! I cannot believe you posted it!

But you didn't tell them that I no longer volunteer warnings or any other inane comments. I'm cured - permanently!

 

[earllogjam]

I had a trick say this to me and it extinguished any and all the fire in my loins.

"I'm here for your enjoyment.'

YUCK.

 

[EllieP]

You're right! I cannot believe you posted it!

But you didn't tell them that I no longer volunteer warnings or any other inane comments. I'm cured - permanently!

Sorry, Darling. :mischievous:

 

[B_FatMushroomHead]

"Am I a better lay than FMH was? Tell the truth."

You don't want the truth. *wink*

 

[HiddenLacey]

move alittle to the left your blocking the tv...

 

[jpk338]

"What a lovely cunt!"

 

[D_Pudcastle Tallywacker]

Incoming!!!

 

[D_Pudcastle Tallywacker]

I have to poo...

 

[sbat]

Awww, look! I think my crabs like you!

 

[Qua]

"Am I the tightest/Is this the best head you've ever had?"

"uhhh"