Think I’m In Love But Scared To Bottom (guy Has A Big Dick)

ElioL

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Hi,
I’m a ‘side’ not really interested in anal sex and don’t need it to feel fulfilled sexually; Neither topped or bottomed though I’m in my late thirties; Now I’ve met a guy who I think is the one and he feels the same way about me but he is a vers top and has a big dick; I’m of course open to topping or bottoming for him and wouldn’t mind slight discomfort; but am still afraid I might not be able to manage it and it may become a deal breaker(though he says he wouldn’t break up because of that);
It’s positively stupid to be scared at my age but any advice would be appreciated!
FYI- I can’t bear pain and am afraid of needles and always careful that never had a scratch or fracture even in childhood; so am also afraid of the pain...
 
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deleted1074483

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hey mate, its not stupid to be scared of something new esp if you think he's the one, so many things tied up with that - pressure to confirm and do what you think he wants.

just be open and talk with him - if you've not really bottomed much, tell him and that his dick size scares you

conversation and openness and just generally communicating in a relationship is the best place to start. If he's a good guy then he'll appreciate what you tell him and will make you feel comfortable about it all.

as for bottoming, esp at first it may be discomforting maybe even painful esp if hes big and you're at all worried - if you worry or are scared then you'll literally clam up which is the worst thing for bottoming.

but if the top guy builds your trust, works with you at your speed and what you're comfortable with, and if he's good at relaxing you and a good top, then it'll work -but takes trust, respect and time.

good luck to you
 

ElioL

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hey mate, its not stupid to be scared of something new esp if you think he's the one, so many things tied up with that - pressure to confirm and do what you think he wants.

just be open and talk with him - if you've not really bottomed much, tell him and that his dick size scares you

conversation and openness and just generally communicating in a relationship is the best place to start. If he's a good guy then he'll appreciate what you tell him and will make you feel comfortable about it all.

as for bottoming, esp at first it may be discomforting maybe even painful esp if hes big and you're at all worried - if you worry or are scared then you'll literally clam up which is the worst thing for bottoming.

but if the top guy builds your trust, works with you at your speed and what you're comfortable with, and if he's good at relaxing you and a good top, then it'll work -but takes trust, respect and time.

good luck to you
Thanks you so much for the thoughtful response! I will talk to him in more detail about my fears and I'm sure he will understand. He already said as much though we haven't discussed it in detail. I guess we will take our time and let him slowly make me comfortable - as you suggested. He is such a good guy i'm scared I will not be able to satisfy him. But rather than my fears, I should listen to what he actually has to say.. I know he likes me and respects me too...
Thanks again!
 
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deleted1074483

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no worries bud, if he's a good guy and you both talk openly about it, i'm sure you'll be fine. Again good luck.
 
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OKCLane

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Communication is key and I don’t mean only in the bedroom.
Talk it out and make a plan. Go online and choose some toys together. My husband and I like Cockrings and often surprise each other by wearing a new one or giving one as a gift. Choosing toys together will force communication and frank discussion. It can also be hot as hell!!
Since you’re looking to receive anal sex, you might focus on these sorts of toys. The websites for this are endless. There are butt plug trainer kits that graduate from small to large. Have him insert it, use three times as much lube as you think is necessary. He can suck you or jerk you off as he’s playing with your ass. Go slowly and tell him what feels good and what doesn’t. Sex should be fun for both of you, not just the top getting off.
You should probably get a clean out kit of some kind. Again, lots of choices. Watch instructional vids online and read helpful hints. One or two bulbs of water is plenty.
Accept the fact right now that at some point the dildo or his dick or his finger will have shit on it. My first partner used to say, if you make mud pies, you’re going to get muddy. It’s inevitable. Accept it and don’t be freaked out or embarrassed when it happens. I’m a versatile top and have been sexually active for 50 years. I know my body very well but occasionally, well, shit happens.
Most of all, have fun!!! If you’re stressed out, it won’t be fun.
 

Kingjay239

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Talk to him, let him know your fears and etc. I don’t blame you for being scared. Honestly it is pretty painful at first. My first time when I was 18 was sooooooooo bad lol. I was probably bleeding for a week. On top of that the guy was pretty big and thick down there. And he was wearing socks on tile floor lol. So he slipped once while he was inside of me and whoooooooo, it felt like my butt was on fire because when he slipped he pulled me along lmao. It was funny but painful. Anyway, after that I never wanted to do it again. But eventually I did and till this day it still hurts at the beginning. You just have to make sure the guy is gentle and takes care of you. Once you get used to it, you’ll be in heaven lol.

Many people suggest to practice with smaller toys and stuff, but honestly that stuff hurts me even more lol. Idk, even condoms feel like they make the experience a lot more painful as well.
 
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cedarizzo

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Sit down with him and tell him honestly how you feel. And then give him some tips on how to be a better top. It is funny, but nobody ever tells them how to be a better top, but everybody assumes since they have a big dick they must be really good at it. If you want to be a bottom for him, with some work both of you can make it happen. But it won't be good until both of you work on it.

Take it slow, it isn't a race. The goal is to make it to the finish line, you don't win because you went fast at it.

COMMUNICATE! This applies to everything, but always have honest communication with him. But let him know how you feel about being a bottom. When he is inserting his penis into you, don't be afraid to let him know how it feels. Let him know to go slow or he can go faster. Let him know if you need more lube. Let him know to give you a few seconds so you can relax and get used to it. But ALWAYS COMMUNICATE!

Use lube, and then add more lube. You can NEVER have enough lube!

Have him use his fingers first, with plenty of lube and going slow. This will help open you up.

And lastly, relax and have fun. Your body is very resilient. You can take a lot more than you think you can. As long as both of you follow these suggestions, things should go smoothly for you.

Good luck.
 

LICNYCgay

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Before I became the bottom slut you see before you now, I expressed concern to my doc about being able to take a large cock. And this is a little gross but he said imagine the biggest, most satisfying dump you’ve ever taken. Now, if your hole can open up enough to allow that to pass, it can also open up enough to accommodate most any size penis as well. It’s just a matter of gaining the experience necessary to allow it.

So get some toys and go to town. Stick with surgical grade silicon. They may be more expensive but with sex toys you really get what you pay for. Cheap sex toys may contain impurities that can irritate your hole, and may even be toxic. And go for softer toys. They tend to be more comfortable. As others have suggested, start small and gradually go bigger. Once your body discovers how much unadulterated pleasure it can receive by being penetrated, it will be easier and easier to take.
 

Brodie888

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What you have is inexperience. That's all. I'd suggest practicing on your own with some toys to find what works for you. Then I'd suggest starting on top when you have anal until you are confident and comfortable enough to let him lead.
 

WillyLong

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Yes, he would break up because of that.

If you're not interested in either topping or bottoming, let that Versatile Top go, and wait for the right Side to come along.

Forced sexual relationships aren't worth it.
 
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So I'm an old queen and remember when people fell in love *before* sexual positions were a conversation topic. Anyway, here's my views.

First off, I only became aware of "I'm a confident top but he's a vers bottom-top adjacent and we're a sideways pairing" and all of that after the Internet became a thing. Maybe I have led a sheltered life, only I remember when people just had a relationship and what happened happened.

We have become - and you sound so anxious because of this - far too obsessed with who does what, and what goes where, in the bedroom.

You are probably a brilliant, funny, interesting, lovely, brave, occasionally silly, likes milk in his tea first, up and down sort of guy. He is too. And that's all that matters. That is all that matters. Trust me.

In the bedroom, there is no exam, no interview, no camera crew, no judges table, no adjudication panel, no feedback survey. It is you. And it is him. He will care for you and your sexual experience. You will care for him and his sexual experience. You will find you way, learn what works, learn what doesn't, make awkward noises, have to find another condom in the dark at 3am while giggling like teenagers, forget where you put the poppers a dozen times, really f----ing enjoy yourself, apologise for jamming it in too hard, apologise for not jamming it in hard enough, kiss like fools, cuddle like Disney characters, bang together like a barn door in a Force 2, slip and slide, suck and tickle, yawn at a really awkward phase and ooops sorry it's been a long day, and all the rest of it.

Because sex is not a D&D campaign. I think Internet porn has made us all a bit too cautious about "tops and bottoms". Sex is learning and human and natural and improv and icky and sweaty and imperfect. You will be able to take whatever he is willing to give, and he will learn from your body's reactions. You will teach him how hard, how far, how big, how much and for how long, by being there in the moment.

"Tops and bottoms" and "vers" and all the rest of it - they are academic labels which stop people from having sex. That's all. You can't break up with someone because of their sexual position, that's now how love works. That's not how reality works.

Enjoy his company. And then enjoy what happens when two men get naked together. The only position you should be thinking about is whether to call an Uber tomorrow morning.