Think I need a more sexually open group of friends

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by RedHead8, Feb 20, 2010.

  1. RedHead8

    RedHead8 Active Member

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    I've been thinking about this for about two years and I can't bring myself to actually do something about it.

    I've always been kinda nerdy and skinny. I know if I worked out I'd gain lots of muscle and it would be fast cause I have no weight to loose. But somehow, because of self-confidence issues, I could never bring myself to start the process.

    I've never done sports, I've never gotten down and dirty as a little boy. Already, at 6 y/o, I was obsessed with being clean and well-dressed. Kinda screwed up for a little boy.

    Now, at 27, after a depression and 2 years of psychotherapy, I'm finally getting in touch with myself and I realize that I have many unfulfilled needs. I realize I wanna feel powerful, cocky even. It's something I've never done. I suscribed to a gym and so far I like it a lot. I feel really skinny compared to all those muscle men, but I feel no judgement.

    I also realize I need to try sports with other men. I have never experienced male bounding before, and I think it's a good place to start. I do need to gain a little muscle credibility before though. :)

    I like my current gay friends, but there's something about them I hate: they're like girlfriends, not buddies. We almost never talk about sex and when we do, it's to make fun of somebody. These guys have great qualities, but sometimes I feel like we behave like school girls. It's kinda hard to express myself as a man in this situation.

    So... I think I need to find a new group of friends that would help me feel more like a man. A group of friends where sexuality is a object of pride, not shame.

    Is it possible in the gay world? Is it possible to form a group of guy friends who are confident in their sexuality and are able to talk about sex in a mature, positive, cheerful way, without it being associated with sexual tension?

    Gay guys, I need your take on this. :)
     
  2. invisibleman

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    Maybe you could join or form a gay friendly rugby league?
     
  3. Jonathan2/11

    Jonathan2/11 New Member

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    Yea its possible ...I have several friends that I can openly take about sex with they dnt knw that Im gay tho but yea one of my guy friends (hes straight) talks all the time bout wut he and his girlfriend do (no homo tho) ...so yea I guess its possible and plus its always good to have friends that you can be open with

    I think u have a great body by the way REDHEAD8 ...I always liked redheads ...nice dick too
     
    #3 Jonathan2/11, Feb 20, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
  4. RedHead8

    RedHead8 Active Member

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    Thanks for the compliment man.

    You say it's possible yet you're giving me an hetero example. I'm wondering if this kind of frienship exists in the gay community.
     
  5. Jonathan2/11

    Jonathan2/11 New Member

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    Just remain hopeful ..u dnt get to pick and chose ur friends and if all else fails then remember u always have friends here on lpsg
     
  6. buzzrider7

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    Interesting post. In my 20s, I had a circle of friends that sounds similar to yours. They were all gay, and it felt like that was the main thing we had in common. I totally burned out on that after a while and in subsequent years, like you, started yearning more for "buddies" than girlfriend-like gay friends. My circle of friends now is very different. A lot of my friends are bi (men and women), some are straight and some are gay. They gay ones, though, are not the types to define themselves by their sexuality. We are friends because we have other things in common. We do talk about sex, very openly and comfortably, just like we talk about other stuff that we are interested in. I find this easiest with my bi friends for some reason. Because their sexuality spans the gammit, they don't define themselves by being gay or straight.
    My advice would be to make some new friends through activities that you enjoy. If you're interested in some kind of sport, find a way to get involved in it (a class, a group, etc.). Making friends at the gym is also an option, though it doesn't create the degree of commonality as much as an actual sport would. At any rate, try to make some friends based on a common interest, beyond just the fact that you're both gay.
    It's been my personal experience that it's hard to be friends with guys who identify themselves as gay and not become "girlfriends". I identify less and less with the gay community in many ways, and have become a lot more comfortable in the bi community. Maybe find a way to sniff out some bi friends and see what that is like? You may find that bi guys can offer you the masculinity that you crave in a "buddy", but will also have an understanding an openess regarding your attraction to men that a straight guy cannot offer.
    By the way, you're fucking hot. ;-) Buff up if you'd like, but you look fantastic skinny as well.
    Best of luck!
     
  7. chiefone4u

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    I agree with buzzrider7... You need to find friends you have a common intrest with (not just sexual preferences). A sport you enjoy can be a great way of finding that commonality. I have found that many of my friends regardless of their sexuality, are understanding and willing to discuss the full spectrum -- I might have just gotten lucky with the group I found... but if I got lucky enough to find a group like this... that must mean they are out there somewhere.

    Best of luck.
     
  8. buzzrider7

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    Is it just coincicence that you two have the same avatar, or is there more going on between you two than meets the eye? ;-)
     
  9. RedHead8

    RedHead8 Active Member

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    Thank you guys, great advice. Gives me hope. And it's nice knowing someone has been trough the same thing. Thanks Buzz. :)
     
  10. AlphaSpartan

    AlphaSpartan New Member

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    I know just how you feel, man. I've grown up and lived in the Bible-bashing South for 21 years and even the heterosexual couples are totally secretive about anything sexual. I have grown accustomed to being conceited about my ability and talents because of this... closed-minded people hate people who know something or can do something that they can't and will foolishly try to socially destroy them rather than empathize and make an effort to potentially learn.

    It's only natural to be insatiably curious about everything, otherwise we wouldn't be humans... we'd be drones. I find myself constantly intrigued by both male and female sexes regardless of my firm standing in heterosexuality. Sex is the only way humanity thrives (Special note for the religious: If God is perfect in every fashion and designed sex to be so extremely pleasurable, why should such a gift be wasted by non-collaboration?) so my humble mind craves to know every aspect of it.

    I think it's sad that religion and the media has us believe the very act of anything sexual is complete taboo. It leads people to bottle in their questions and feelings, which typically leads to a feeling of abandonment and ultimately depression.

    Excuse the long post, I'm a writer and a self-professed philanthropist. Hopefully this will spark some epiphany among whoever reads it.
     
  11. D_Bemeslay Bugthorpe Boobtube III

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    I guess it all really depends on what a more sexually open group of friends really means.

    I am straight and me n my friends get together and talk about fucking women, but its not like going into detail about how my cock is sliding into her pussy or that stuff. More, like you said, in a powerful, or prideful way.

    Straight men do not go into too much detail. Personally, I find myself much more sexually driven than most people. I have used other outlets (this board, craigslist) to meet other men who are more sexually comfortable about details and are less homophobic about male-to-male sexual interaction (by this I mean jacking off comparing talking about ones size etc).

    As far as the power goes, good for you. Every man deserves to feel powerful, and if that means working out and doing more masculine oriented athletic activities you seem to be headed in right direction.
     
  12. Daisy

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    You can keep your catty friends, but just try to make some new friends. I think it's good to have a diverse group of friends. You're likely to meet people at the gym, but also you could try having straight female friends. We love to talk about sex with gay guys (it's non threatening) and you might find that you could be open without fearing judgement. Just keep doing what you're doing. I think more people have gained sanity from the gym than any physchotherepist. :)
     
  13. edonline

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    I'm curious as to whether you have have ever brought up the issue with your current group of friends. If not, why not start with one of them, preferably the closest and say something like, "I appreciate your friendship and the fun times we have together, but I'd really like to talk about sex with you in a mature, grown up fashion". Or casually bring up sex during a one-on-one lunch or whatever and then introduce the issue. Again, if your friend starts acting like a high school girl, just stop the conversation and say the above, about discussing it maturely. If the conversation goes well without you having to address your friend's tone, you could end it by saying "It was really nice to have an adult conversation about sex". In short, I guess my advice would be to bring up the issues with your friends first and try to work through them, giving your friends a chance to see your side, before losing contact with them.
     
  14. vlls

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    It's good to see that you're being self reflective and know exactly what it is you want to do man

    As a former skinny guy, i'd give you the advice of not being intimidated at the gym... everyone else used to be someday where you where... train heavy... and make sure you squat! ;)
     
  15. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    Even though I am female and 100% straight, I am in the same boat as you are.

    I find it very hard to express myself sexually and be proud of it with my current friends. There are only a FEW people I can express myself with sexually, crack jokes, talk about sex and make sexual comments. I have stopped talking about sex with my girlfriends because they would just laugh at what I've had to say about sex or at the way I said something, when it was not my intentions to be funny.

    I am more sexually open than my girlfriends are and I feel that my experiences separate myself from them. I mentioned to a girlfriend one time that my ex had a friend who is regarded a professional spanker come in and spank me for nearly 3 hours. She got weirded out and since then we've never talked about sex.

    I had a friend who asked me to join her and her hubby. My friend very much knows that I like my men to be big / large, and has shown me pictures of her hubby's cock in which I told her that his cock would not do for me for such reasons, one being that he was on the small size and from what she had told me, he does not last long. My friend got offended and claimed her hubby wasn't small. I really didn't think she had to get upset with my preferences. I'm not gonna hide my preferences and I'll be honest straight up about my preferences. Can't get mad at people for knowing exactly what they want, and not wanting to settle.
     
  16. chiefone4u

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    Just a coincidence... He's the first other user I've seen post using the same avitar as I do... perhaps it's time to change mine?:tongue:
     
  17. cdunstan1

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    Yeah, it really is possible. I've done it. It's not real easy.

    I was in your situation when I was in my 20's. I think it might help you if you tried to meet people out side of the stereotypical gay settings. It's also not easy to discuss sex in a large group of men, gay or str8. Boys will be boys. If you have something to discuss, I'd try doing it one on one.

    Man, I don't know where that's coming from. I've seen your gallery. You've got a great hairy tummy and a huge cock and great red bush. I'd make you an offer if I wasn't already taken. :wink:
     
  18. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    Redhead8 aren’t you something?

    I love success stories and your story is a great big success in the making. One of my best friends is a retired Montreal cop. Trust me, he ain’t one of the girls. I am not one of the girls; nor are my buddies.

    BTW, let’s make it clear, although I don’t hang with feminine guys and as often as not male femininity is not where my sexual attraction falls – except when it does – I definitely respect gay being gay in all it’s ways.

    That said, I work out in gyms. I’m ex military. I drive a pickup [well own one and use it now and then]; I’m a mustached, goateed, shaved headed, bad-assed, tough guyed, attitude swirling old dog who acts that way because it’s the way I am and wouldn’t know where to start if I wanted to be different.

    I actually like risk and danger which is sort of diagnosable [so please don’t tell anyone]. My buddies, mostly gay – an occasional straight guy here or there – tend to be rough and tough, sometimes jocks, maybe just blue collar like and hard working.

    Redhead8, don’t abandon your friends. They are your friends; they deserve better, but importantly you deserve better, you needn’t ever be ashamed of where you have been in your life.

    That said, do exactly what you describe. Surely there are gay athletic teams in Montreal. Surely there are gay people, whether organized as such, or not, in Quebec, who are into skiing, fishing, going camping, motorcycles, hockey, basketball, baseball [I know a straight dad up there who is big on baseball]; can’t you find guys to do those things with. Surely there are guys who like action movies, hard rock or metallica or hip hop; these things are not anti-gay.

    You can do it. Keep us posted.

    BTW, hot pics dude – what a bad ass dick you are!!!
     
  19. B_nyvin

    B_nyvin New Member

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    I can relate totally. I used to be very skinny back in my earlier days, I am still kinda skinny, but at least I have something of a chest now and am not the twig that you see in a lot of typical "[gay bois". I generally respect masculine guys that like being powerful more then the "uber-friendly" queens. Being tough, physically and mentally, makes you feel so much better, especially when you see the skinny passifist guys around, lol.
     
  20. D_Cateryke Cheesysmell

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    I don't know. I have had plenty of conversations with gay friends about their relationships, but frankly, it is difficult to discuss a lot of sexual acts, be they homo or hetero, with a straight face... even without the "eewwww" factor you wil likely get from lots of (immature) people.

    I get where you are coming from in terms of your current group of friends being gossip queens and that you dislike their need to cut somebody down all the time, but it takes a real close friendship to bring up your sexual technique in casual conversation. How do you start? "So, Jim, when you tongue someone's asshole, do you find a clockwise or counterclockwise motion to be the preferred way? I need a little guidance here, buddy." I actually had a friend say something like that to me and even though we're close, it's still a hell of a non-sequitur.
     
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