Think I need a more sexually open group of friends

[Sergeant_Torpedo]

So dump your current social group. Sexually overt people are so fascinating ... not.

 

[RedHead8]

So dump your current social group. Sexually overt people are so fascinating ... not.

Thank you for your constructive, intelligent, exhaustive and, not to forget, completely relevant post.

 

[B_quietguy]

So dump your current social group. Sexually overt people are so fascinating ... not.

Dude, did you see where the RedHead8 wrote these lines in his opening post?

"I like my current gay friends, but there's something about them I hate: they're like girlfriends, not buddies. We almost never talk about sex and when we do, it's to make fun of somebody. These guys have great qualities, but sometimes I feel like we behave like school girls. It's kinda hard to express myself as a man in this situation."

Why should he dump friends that he likes? Why should he dump friends that have great qualities?

It's not that his friends are harming him. It's more like he can't express certain aspects of himself around those friends, and that they can't meet specific needs of his.

 

[D_Donald_Trumpet]

I can totally empathize with you. All my friends who are straight, as far as I know, never talk about, or even get close to talking about anything sexually related. It's irritating because in my case, I think 21-24 year olds should be mature enough to talk openly about sexual related issues without being weirded out by it. I've even hidden my sexuality because of it which to me hurts the friendship because I can't totally be myself. Like you, whenever sex is talked about its joking about who someone they don't like is sleeping with some undesirable person. I totally understand your frustration and I say keep your friends and try to be upfront with them because if they are really your friends they will listen to you and not feel any sort of way about it, and just put yourself in new situations and have the opportunity to meet more open minded people, like this site, and things can only get better.

 

[Corius]

There was a time when I assumed all my male friends were regular guys like myself. But, when I bonded with the new guy in town I found out as he did that neither of us was quite as "straight" as we had imagined. We bonded as loving friends and as our friendship deepened our need for deeper expression led to sex and the sex confirmed the bond between us and just seemed so right.

No words were necessary; we followed the dictates of the love we shared. I don't think that would have happened had our association been in a larger group. Sex is very personal and private and requires a zone of privacy away from the larger group.

 

[798686]

I think it might help you if you tried to meet people out side of the stereotypical gay settings.

This. I've always tended to hang around with straight guys myself, so I'm probably coming at it from the opposite angle to you. But hanging around with guys of roughly ur age and background is great fun. No need to drop your current friends - but mebbe branch out a bit?

Are there any relations/acquaintances u could be matey with, or get involved with interests with male family members? Not sure exactly how you'd get involved, but might do u good to try different atmospheres and friendship groups. Perhaps some bi mates would work?

Not putting this very well - but all the best anyway.

 

[redneckgymrat]

I've been thinking about this for about two years and I can't bring myself to actually do something about it.

This is a long term problem, and it is significant enough to be of concern to you. Check.

Now, at 27, after a depression and 2 years of psychotherapy,

OK, you're fairly screwed up. Check.

I realize that I have many unfulfilled needs. I realize I wanna feel powerful, cocky even. It's something I've never done. I suscribed to a gym and so far I like it a lot. I feel really skinny compared to all those muscle men, but I feel no judgement.

You have managed a breakthrough. You have set goals, stepped outside of your comfort zone in order to accomplish them, and are expanding your horizons. Check.

I like my current gay friends, but there's something about them I hate: they're like girlfriends, not buddies.

And here comes the meaningful stuff. I'm going to be very honest with you...and rather blunt, so please don't take it the wrong way. This is intended as constructive criticism.

From what you just said, it seems that in order to be your friend, one must be gay? And, from your description of your friends, they're the most effeminate gay men you can find.

It certainly seems like you're closing yourself off to a lot of great people, who don't fit into that mold.

So... I think I need to find a new group of friends that would help me feel more like a man. A group of friends where sexuality is a object of pride, not shame.

Good luck on that. Straight, gay, bi, trans, or even asexual...sexuality is a relatively taboo subject for discussion. And, doubly so in groups. However, I'm still unclear on why you require all of your friends to be gay...a friend (not acquaintance or friend-ly, but a true friend) would be happy for you, regardless.

Is it possible in the gay world?

I would imagine so. But, my counsel is to expand your horizons. By focusing only on gay friends, you're cutting yourself off from so many wonderful people that you don't even realize what you're missing.

There is this great quote that I found, years ago. Sorry, but I can't give the reference... Gay is a preference. It's not an identity.

Along those same line, I certainly don't surround myself, exclusively, with asexuals.