Well, my friend is an aspiring writer and he wants to hand a poem into his teacher for bonus marks and whatnot, but he wants a second opinion on it first and to be honest, I don't know the first thing about good poetry, so I thought that maybe someone(/some of you) would be able to tell me what to tell him...?
Darkness;
The sullen sleep of a darkened sea.
With crests like hair,
And with plenty to share.
I live to be with he;
The mistress; the sea.
Silence;
The quiet song of the trees lone lark.
The quiet night,
With words so right.
And empty things;
And whence; and hark.
Equals;
The light in this worlds creeping dark.
A dark that seeps into their bones,
A dark that causes subtle moans.
The light that lives here still;
By their wills; make your mark.
A sigh;
The sound that causes hearts to weep.
A single one can break a heart,
Just one, a war, can start.
The tired song of a tired man;
A cry; an art.
An end;
The beginning of another age.
The end of a long over-done rush,
The final stroke of a painters brush.
Set aside the sheet for another day;
Another bend; another page.
The Path
Darkness;
The sullen sleep of a darkened sea.
With crests like hair,
And with plenty to share.
I live to be with he;
The mistress; the sea.
Silence;
The quiet song of the trees lone lark.
The quiet night,
With words so right.
And empty things;
And whence; and hark.
Equals;
The light in this worlds creeping dark.
A dark that seeps into their bones,
A dark that causes subtle moans.
The light that lives here still;
By their wills; make your mark.
A sigh;
The sound that causes hearts to weep.
A single one can break a heart,
Just one, a war, can start.
The tired song of a tired man;
A cry; an art.
An end;
The beginning of another age.
The end of a long over-done rush,
The final stroke of a painters brush.
Set aside the sheet for another day;
Another bend; another page.
