This has been eating away at me

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigepimp415551986, Apr 11, 2009.

  1. bigepimp415551986

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    theres a girl i know, its been about 3 years, whos 24 has a great paying job, and a great person.
    She lives in Alabama and me in San Francisco, but we have talked everyday for the last 3 yrs, and had gotten close as friends and talking about sex and everything. She was the type of girl who loved the bad boys, thugs and partying and fucking different guys all the time.
    That is basically the story of my life and im sure alot of people here too, you end up liking the hot girl but she only goes for the jock or thug or whatever it may be, cuz im the nice guy the good guy that girls never like when they are younger and never give the time of day too
    She had gone through some really tough things and i was there to help out anyway i could which got us close and i told her that i was starting to really fall for her, and she told me that she could never feel that way about me and that i was just a nice guy and could never see me that way. Recently she had a kid (via sperm donor), i had volunteered to do it for free but she said no thanks, she ended up fucking some random dude and got pregnant by him and paid him like $8,000 for it. Recently she said she had started really liking me and everything and wants me to be with her.
    I had told her that she only likes me now cuz shes starting to see me as the stable good guy she wants cuz shes done partying and having fun and stuff, and that she never gave me the time of day before and she got mad, but i know i am right right? I mean she has a kid too, but its a little weird because i had volunterred and she said no.
    It justs eats at me when i talk to her that she only likes me now because she had realized that those thugs and bad boys are fun but are good long term relationship people, am i right in feeling this way?
     
  2. brianincny

    brianincny New Member

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    Sadly, I think you're right about her. If you feel like there's still some connection there though, you should tell her you're suspicioins just as clearly as you posted them and let her react. If she just lies, you'll know to forget her. But if she knows she made a mistake she might be worth it. One other thing, if you are going to take any of this out on the random dudes kid, stay far away from them. No kid deserves that kind of beginning.
     
  3. hoggindaz

    hoggindaz New Member

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    i got some incredibly sage advice from a brazilian judo olympic medalist who i used to train with regularly:

    *in thick brazilian accent* liiisten man, cannuut mahhke a hooe to a housewive, you understand?
     
  4. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    I feel for you, man. I'm not shy of encounters where I fall for girls that wouldn't even take a second look at me for pretty much the same reason. But I'm afraid you're right about her... or so it seems. Now that she's about to become a mother, instinct (and probably hormones, too) dictates that she finds a suitable "father material" for her unborn. And that's where you fit right in, man. A nice guy, loving and caring, will to be there for her. In all honesty, there's not the least bit of fairness in this situation for you. And although it's awful to have to go through this I think you're probably better off not getting involved. I feel sorry for the baby though. I fear for it.

    Oh, what a world!?
     
  5. Bbucko

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    I've been attracted to bad boys all my life, and by most people's standards was very jaded by the time I was in 23, so I come from this with a different perspective but with years and years of experience with the concept.

    You can be as friendly as you'd like with her, and offer her as much in the way of financial assistance as you can afford as long as your eyes are open to reality. But she will never find any romantic comfort with you, and you'll only find grief with her.

    This is not an implied judgment on your worthiness at all, nor on hers. But her patterns and mindset are locked in (as are yours), and any attempt at domesticating her will result in frustration and hurt for you both. As one of my dearest friends is fond of saying:
     
  6. Wish-4-8

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    You got sooooo lucky she was too full of herself to use your sperm. You dodged that bullet. She would of had you trapped.

    She probably looked in the mirror and the curse of time has made her inner uglyness start to match her outside. She is probably not hot anymore and now is digging at the bottom of the barrel (you) to feel hot. In other word, she has lowered her standards. Not a compliment to you. I dont know you but I could tell you are better than that. Nice guys do finish last, but at least you did not end up with her. I bet she finds you more attractive now that you found some self respect and ditched her offer. Now you are the bad boy.

    And, if you did get with her, guess who she is going to be fantazising about while you are fucking her. It aint going to be you. You cant take the hoe out of her. In Spanish, we call that "miyerda perfumada", or perfumed shit.

    And even if she really is into you, you are taking sloppy seconds in the worst way. At that point, if she did use your sperm, I could see maybe something happen. I dont know all the rules of love. But she is clearly using you after she had her fun. Be my hero and dont hook up with her. Dont hook up for all the nice, decent guys that got turned down for being decent and nice to chicks like that.

    :headbang::usa:HERO!!!!
     
  7. Jovial

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    bigepimp, I think you nailed it on the head. Now that she has a kid her dating value has suddenly dropped. I believe you are correct, that she only wants you now that she did all the partying & stuff. I sometimes hear women talk like that...they are sick of the players now. Apparently, they liked the attention and playing that game until they got older, out of shape or whatever and started getting less attention.

    I say cut your losses and try to separate yourself emotionally. It will only hurt the kid to get involved in her mess. Good luck.
     
  8. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Simple, you are right, but in the end, also see it that a lot of people does that. Act crazy and then want something better... Think good of your decisions.
     
  9. Rubenesque

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    Most of us start of liking the "dangerous" guys and then come to a point when we realise to be happy we need a good guy, nothing really unusual with that. Shame that she realised after she had a child and has probably realised that being a single parent isn't always the fun filled fair she thought it would be.

    It's likely she's just looking for someone to share the load, be careful!
     
  10. dolfette

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    my girly POV...

    having kids makes you grow up.
    all the things you thought you wanted, you no longer care about.
    all the things you never cared about, suddenly you can see their value.

    maybe she just sees you as a good bet.
    or maybe she's grown up enough to realise that you're a great guy, that friendship is where good relationships start and that she wants something deeper than cheap thrills.
    this might be the first time she's really understood love.

    i think you guys underestimate the spiritual effect having a baby can have.
    and had she suddenly grown up without the kid being in the picture, her motives would never have been questioned.
    i'm not saying you shouldn't be wary. i'm just saying you should keep an open mind.

    oh, and for the record.
    having a kid never lowered my dating value.
    a catch is a catch is a catch :wink:
     
  11. Jovial

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    But guys want that stage of cheap thrills too before settling down, so the women that are over that shouldn't expect the nice guys to be happy settling down without having their fun stage too. They should find the guys that partied with them that are now ready to settle down. I mean women can go for whoever they want, it's just that the nice guy may always feel like he ended up with used goods. Maybe he can be happy with that.
     
  12. dolfette

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    used goods? is that how you see women?

    how telling.
     
  13. Jovial

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    LOL, well, everyone is used to some extent or another. Maybe it wasn't the best or correct choice of words this late at night. I mean the woman will have had more experiences, so the nice guy she settles with who didn't have as many experiences may always feel like he missed out. They won't be at the same sexual stage.
     
  14. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    I just clicked on your pics Bigepimp.......you are gorgeous! I am betting that your friend has finally come to her senses and realized what a big mistake she made in the past by going for the "bad guy types".

    What Dolfette said is true. I remember that when I was 20 years old......what I wanted was totally different from what I was looking for at age 23. For me.....when I was like 19, 20......I was still a kid playing games. It was the time of my life when I had a lot of guys showing interest.....asking me out.....wining and dining. It wasn't until age 23 that I know that I even thought about wanting to get married. But that was just me.

    I would just say, what does it hurt to give her a 2nd chance......if you still have feelings for her? Give her a chance to correct her mistake and make it up to you, if she can. I am sure that every one of us has done something that we wish we hadn't.
     
  15. nudeyorker

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    I agree that our values change as we get older and the experiences that life teach us help to evolve our viewpoint. However no one wants to feel like first runner up in a relationship. I suggest you talk to her candidly about your feelings and if she really is a friend she will understand, if not it's best you know people for who they are and you can decide if the friendship is worth you giving her the time of day. In the meanwhile there is a whole world of woman out there who would consider you the prize of their life.
     
  16. Bbucko

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    Attitudes like that are one of the main reason why I avoid "nice guys"; although I didn't need a reminder, really.

    I'm reminded of a female co-worker of mine, who said (in a very different context): "If I'm going to Hell, then at least I'll have the comfort of being with my friends and family".
     
  17. dolfette

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    funny but i never hear that said when an experienced man marries a 'nice' girl.

    and i'm still curious as to how his past sexual experiences are her responsibility...especially as he's made no such suggestion.
     
  18. Jovial

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    @Bbucko I already explained that that wasn't the best term to use to describe what I was trying to say.

    @dolfette I don't have double standards. I would feel the same way if the situation were reversed.

    His past sexual experience is not her responsibility. Some women want the nice guy later because it gives them redemption from their guilt about past indiscretions. It can work the same way with men finding inexperienced women.
     
  19. sam_solo26

    sam_solo26 New Member

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    Really? You're hung up about a girl who has to pay thousands of dollars to get pregnant, who lives thousands of miles away, who has used you for however many years, etc.? She doesn't sound like a catch man, you be better off cutting your connection to her. I feel sorry for this kid though. It's mother is not a stable person from the looks of it
     
  20. B_Mister Buildington

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    I know I'm going against the grain here, but people CAN change, and what they value in a relationship can change as well. I wouldn't hold her past against her. Who knows? You two may be able to make a beautiful life together.
     
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