This is a wierd one....

[nakedone]

I would not do it, because I want to have a relationship with whatever children I might sire, and that would not be possible in this situation. But, I would not be critical of any man who would be willing to make this decisions. In fact, it seems like a practical solution for would-be father who is sterile, to have a son sired by a friend, or even a relative.

The stickiest part of it all would be that the "other" man would need to fuck the wife. If this decision is made, I would suggest that the husband be right there during the process so that he could feel that he was a part of it.

Of course, we all know that for a man to cum inside a woman's pussy, whoever she is, he must be sexually excited, and this might be something that the husband would find uncomfortable, to actually watch the other man enjoying a fuck with his wife, as opposed to just making a "donation".

I have known situations in which this actually did happen. In most cases, the "donor" father has been a close friend, and in others a relative, like a brother or cousin. I know of one situation in which the donor was the husband's father. In this case, the child, when born, was his "father's" half-brother, which should have added to the bonding that needed to take place.

 

[B_quietguy]

Me and my girl have talked about it all day. I realize they are having troubles and need help, but gear friends or not this is asking too much. I'm not comfortable letting someone else raise my kid and she's not comfortable with someone else having my kid. So the answer we're giving today will be No.

Sounds like you are very set in your mind that you'd rather raise your own child than have somebody else do it and hope they parent your child well. If that's a bottom-line issue for you, and there is no negotiating past it, then your best answer is "No thanks, I'm not the best candidate for you. Best wishes to both of you."

If it were me they asked, I'd be flattered. I'd also ask what they expect of me after the sperm donation. Do they want me to remain involved in the child's life over the next 18+ years? Would they rather I have no involvement with the child? Not even to pay child support? After asking those questions, I'd ask for a legally binding statement from them saying exactly what they expect - and then have a lawyer review it for me.

 

[dolfette]

The stickiest part of it all would be that the "other" man would need to fuck the wife.

no he wouldn't

you just need to get the spunk in her.
the usual amateur method is with a turkey baster.

 

[SR_Les Intercourse]

well first of all you cant just jump in and do this, there are a lot of legal issues that would have to be set up first and confidentiality stuff... if these ppl are your friends, you have to ask yourself if you would be able to deal with their child growing up knowing that you are the biological father? and you also have to put into thought that if the child does at one point look for his/her real father, how are you going to react if they find you...

personally, i would not donate to friends or people that i am close to for these reasons

 

[D_Thyrnebeck Wrinklebeast]

I think it's a nice question. But seriously, the world is far too overpopulated already and these people want to bring MORE children into the world? They should be looking at this as an opportunity to be using less of the worlds resources. Maybe the fact that they can't conceive on their own is a sign that they're not meant to. If they really want kids, they should adopt. Wanting to bring another kid into the world when you can't is simply selfish.

Still it's very nice they asked you. That's a big honour. But if I were you I'd tell them to think outside of themselves for a bit and question why they are being this selfish.

 

[D_Thyrnebeck Wrinklebeast]

I'm not comfortable letting someone else raise my kid and she's not comfortable with someone else having my kid.

This is an interesting construction. You call it your kid but it wouldn't be your kid, though. Just because you had to give one sperm away doesn't mean it's yours!

My family is heavily diversified as it is. :smile:

But it wouldn't be your family, would it? It would be their family. Nothing to do with you, really.

 

[dolfette]

This is an interesting construction. You call it your kid but it wouldn't be your kid, though. Just because you had to give one sperm away doesn't mean it's yours!

But it wouldn't be your family, would it? It would be their family. Nothing to do with you, really.

just because you'd feel that way, doesn't mean everyone else will.
a lot of people put a great deal of weight on someone being their own flesh & blood. to them it IS their child.

i don't think either way of thinking is right or wrong,
but i do think it's wrong to insist your view is right.

 

[D_Thyrnebeck Wrinklebeast]

just because you'd feel that way, doesn't mean everyone else will.
a lot of people put a great deal of weight on someone being their own flesh & blood. to them it IS their child.

i don't think either way of thinking is right or wrong,
but i do think it's wrong to insist your view is right.

I really like your comment, Dolfette. And I think it's true that not all people would feel the same way as me. What I find very troubling is the privileging of biological relationships in society. So when people equate biological relations to familial ones, I think it's important to speak out about it.

It's not just sperm donoring in which this privileging takes place: it also happens with adoption, same-sex families, step-families, etc. When people find out my sister is "only" my half-sister they ask her who her "real" father is. As if the father that raised her for her whole life is in some way less real just because he happens to not have inseminated my mother with a cell of his body.

So you're right... no way of thinking is right or wrong. But I do think it's problematic to continue with this biologism.

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

If done "the old fashioned way" which results in a pregnancy you're legally the father. By legally I mean child-support available. If done thru a clinic as a sperm donor you're more protected as just genetic material.

I remember watching some news program a year or 2 ago where things happened the natural way after a woman wanted a guy as a sperm donor. She wanted a sperm sample, he wanted to do the old fashioned way. They eventually agreed to do it the natural way and she got pregnant. I forget if she was single or married, but when the child was a few years old she took him to court for childsupport, and WON because it was done au naturale.

 

[dolfette]

I really like your comment, Dolfette. And I think it's true that not all people would feel the same way as me. What I find very troubling is the privileging of biological relationships in society. So when people equate biological relations to familial ones, I think it's important to speak out about it.

It's not just sperm donoring in which this privileging takes place: it also happens with adoption, same-sex families, step-families, etc. When people find out my sister is "only" my half-sister they ask her who her "real" father is. As if the father that raised her for her whole life is in some way less real just because he happens to not have inseminated my mother with a cell of his body.

So you're right... no way of thinking is right or wrong. But I do think it's problematic to continue with this biologism.

i think the individuals have to be clear about how they feel.

and then they need to accept that the child might disagree completely, and bitterly resent them for the choices they made.

you're right...my sister isn't an ''only'' in any respect, but she just happens to have a different father. and my ex is still dad to both our kids, though he wasn't there for the conception of the eldest.

but i'm a mother. there's no way i could not be involved in the life of any child that comes from me. i need to be there, holding their hands & keeping them in line.
to me they're a part of me. not just a piece of my body but a part of my soul.

it's not logical in the slightest. it's completely instinctive.

 

[BIGDP]

I think I agree with most posters i've read here so far...that doing it one-on-one is fraught with all kinds of legal and social perils. I would answer the request by saying, "No thank you, I like our friendship and don't want to complicate things among us." These folks could be lifelong and wonderful friends without that complication. I just wouldn't go there.

I would first recommend adoption. If that doesn't work out, then a nice sperm bank where the friend is not involved. (Note that I'd be happy to make a deposit there.)

My two cents...have a great evening.
DP