This is all new for me...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by pinkpineapples, Oct 30, 2011.

  1. pinkpineapples

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    Ok, so I have been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks now. As the title says, its all very new for me. I def want this to go somewhere, and I'm afraid I might be coming on strong. I know he wants to take this slow in the emotional dept, because he's been hurt, and I hate to use the word but I might be a little clingy? Lol I think because its my first everything and we've slept together I'm developing pretty strong feelings. I find it difficult to be away from him and I like to text him when we aren't around... And I know I should leave him alone and be more independent, but I can't help but want to interact with him. How do you keep yourself from being overwhelming?

    I just hate not being around him lol but I dont want to push him away. Just can't help but to think about him. dont know how to do this stuff lol any advice for a first timer who's emotions are going berserk??
     
  2. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    Find a hobby... find other things to occupy your mind... keep busy... then when you are together, the time is quality time...

    give him space... and let HIM text YOU first sometimes...
     
  3. pinkpineapples

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    Yeah, I've read that u need to be doing your own thing and whatnot. Not always be readily available.. I just dont have much going on besides work. Only hangout with family. Moved up here a couple years ago, haven't made any friends. Also kind of guarded when it comes to friends, been burned. Not that has any merit to my original message. But yeah, getting emotionally invested and all I want is to be with him lol. Makes me feel crazy lol
     
  4. Charles Finn

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    make friends volinteer for something you believe in
     
  5. pinkpineapples

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    I dont even know how to make friends lol, was easier in school lol
     
  6. B_Sweetcar

    B_Sweetcar New Member

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    Well, Pineapples, I DO know how you feel. I've often felt the same way about friends that become really close. Since I have to admit, I'm more interested in guys and love developing very close relationships, I probably DON'T see a guy/guy friendship the same way a straight guy would.

    I've had quite a few male friends that I was 'sexually' interested in that I developed very close relationships with. That's not to say they became sexual relationships but they were friendships that were a lot deeper than most friends ever are.

    YES, I became overly obsessed with some of them; feeling in the way you describe. It seemed I couldn't get enough of them, wanted to be around them all the time and all that. Luckily these friends tolerated me and I've never had a friend claim I was too close or smothering them.

    Anyway, my advice is just to go with your feelings and not to be afraid of them. Like I said, if someone is a close friend they will want to spend a lot of time with you. If you notice they may need some space; give it to them and they are sure to continue to seek out your friendship.
     
  7. 7"24

    7"24 Member

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    I'm in the same boat dude. I moved to Dallas September 1st, met my boyfriend September 20th. He is all I think about. My roommate doesn't know. No one knows we're dating. He is very busy and has tons of friends. We are both in the closet. He is the first guy I ever fucked, and he told my he was a virgin, though I have a few doubts because it didn't seem like his first time. ;). We doesn't always express how he is feeling. But I see it come out in his actions when we are together. I have discovered that staying busy is absolutely the best medicine. I will have days off and i wont get to see him and literally think about him all day to the point where Its the end of the day and I didn't do anything. Yet I made some new friends last week and we hung out a good bit, and I work a lot. The time goes by and when we are together I try to soak up every minute. I was a little clingy and overreactive At first but have since chilled out, stayed positive, and it definitely makes things easier. It's the time when I have to leave him and drive home alone and know that i won't get to see him for a few days that kills me. We had an amazing night together Friday and when I headed home Saturday. I was literally in tears when I got home just from thinking about him. It was weird. I never cry. I know it's loves chemical balance, but damn. Just stay positive and believe him when he says I Love You, and it will all be good :)
     
  8. pinkpineapples

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    Def how I feel. I could totally cry at times. Especially those times I have to leave. It kills me, but I do it. Like you said, I know its just chemical and hormonal...we are def not at the I love you part yet, although there are times I think I could but I know its too soon. I will probably cry my eyes out when....if, he tells me that. I'm still trying to win his best friend over...
     
  9. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Yay for you!!! I knew it would happen for you eventually!

    Have you tried giving yourself rules? eg. Only allowing yourself to send him one text a day unless he texts you first.
     
  10. pinkpineapples

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    Lol yeah, finally..right? :) I kinda trying. Said I wouldn't text him today, not first anyway. Might get to see him though, got a text this morning..yay :) lol but yeah, trying to not scare him off. Just so excited about him!
     
  11. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I commend you for trying to think sensibly when your emotions must be all over the place!

    I've been on both the obsessive-need-to-talk-to-him and the fuck-off-and-give-me-space sides of the equation, so I get where you're coming from! Just try your best to let him contact you first at least some of the time, and you'll be fine.

    And enjoy the happy endorphin high :biggrin1:.
     
  12. pinkpineapples

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    lol yeah. I'm trying to be good. It's def a challenge, but I'm letting him text first lol. Most days. I'm so afraid of messing it up, my head/heart feels like it's going to explode. And he's going away for a couple weeks at the end of the month and I can hardly think about it lol. The worse part is, I was invited to go ( in a ~maybe~ capacity,) and I can't because of working in retail :( SAAAAD! :'(

    But yeah, other than that...trying to play it cool. But he knows I'm crazy about him lol
     
  13. 92philip

    92philip New Member

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    OMG Pineapples congratulations. He probably was interested in getting to know your body after may awesome fitness tips right? Lol just kidding. But I can't really help because I have the same problem that you do
     
  14. Suavecitita

    Suavecitita New Member

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    This happened to me recently. Was into this one guy. I was the one being 'clingy', texting him every day, every afternoon AND every night.

    It came to a point where I stopped texting him. Then he asked me, "Are you mad at me?". I'm like, "No, why?", he's like, "because you stopped texting me". lol

    In my mind, I felt like I was being a BOTHER to him, which in reality I was not. I say this, if you like the guy, GO FOR IT!

    Make him know that he's on your mind and that you care about him. Until he says to stop texting him or what not. Some guys are VERY BLUNT and WILL let you know right off the bat that you're a bother or to stop texting soo damn much. lol

    Hope everything works out for ya. =)
     
  15. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    His trip away is only a few weeks - you'll be okay :smile:. Think of how much you'll enjoy each other when you come back :biggrin1:.

    I've done the retail thing. It manages to screw up every kind of holiday!

    And stop stressing so much about messing up!!! If he doesn't like you for who you are, he isn't the right guy for you anyway.
     
  16. pinkpineapples

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    lol right...I still have a ways to go, and i haven't exercised much in the pass few weeks. I need to though. SIGH

    lol yeah...he says I'm fine most of the time, but I feel like i'm being annoying lol. Just miss talking to him. I haven't seen him since Monday, and that was only for a few hours =( Either tomorrow or friday is the next meeting. I have something great planned for him though. Couldn't quite afford it, but i did it anyway.

    Made his favorite dessert (tiramisu), from scratch! and I bought his favorite bottle of red wine, and i'm going to go buy a single red rose. Hopefully I get to swoon him tomorrow lol. Gah I miss him. (he's doing this so we have some time apart..he thinks we're moving too fast lol)

    But! My first holiday with someone else! I wanted to share it with him, so I kinda end up alone again lol. Then he's leaving again for xmas, he thinks anyway. SIGH
     
  17. pinkpineapples

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    Ugh, so frustrating..he acts like he doesn't want to see me. 'so do I get to see you today' Idk lol .. I haven't seen him since monday, which isn't a very long time but it feels like forever.

    You would think he would, considering he knows today is the last day of my vacation and that I have something planned for him. Just dont get it.. I mean I know he had to get up hella early and he's probably tired... Idk, just ranting cause I'm aggravated and emo about it lol. I just put a lot of thought into his surprise...would think he'd be more excited is all =/
     
  18. monel

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    Hey, pinkpineapples, I hope that everything works out well for you, but I also think you should prepare yourself should the worst occur.

    Is this the same guy who has encouraged you to go to clubs and get with at least five other guys? Now he is non-committal about meeting you today, knowing that you have something special planned. It's sounding like he is less interested in a serious relationship than are you. I hope I'm wrong.

    Good luck.
     
  19. 7"24

    7"24 Member

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    Hey bud. I am in a similar relationship. I can tell you that the best advice is to play it cool. I used to feel like my boyfriend didn't want to hang and just wanted sex. I came to realize that wasn't the case. First of all he initiated the terms of us being boyfriends. I realize that at least in my case, I am my boyfriends longest relationship (1.5 months :)) and he isn't one to speak what he's thinking. Anytime I was freaking out that he didn't like me or whatever I would just ask him. If I didn't ask him flat out a couple times if he really likes me. I wouldnt have known he was madly in love with me, and now I can see it more and more. Communication is the key to a relationship. Don't come on to strong for him either. Basically mimic how he is treating you and if it's true relationship you'll see him act different
     
  20. Stephenmass

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    Favorite dessert, red rose, very sweet of you if you ask me. Some guys though don't feel that way and he might feel you are cornering him when he isn't sure he wants to be cornered just yet. I'd back off myself, not be distant per se, but try not to appear (I truly am not saying you are) so needy. He may not come back around but if you push push push you will most definitely push him away it seems to me. Just my thoughts, could be far off base.
     
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