This is all new for me...

[pinkpineapples]

Hey bud. I am in a similar relationship. I can tell you that the best advice is to play it cool. I used to feel like my boyfriend didn't want to hang and just wanted sex. I came to realize that wasn't the case. First of all he initiated the terms of us being boyfriends. I realize that at least in my case, I am my boyfriends longest relationship (1.5 months ) and he isn't one to speak what he's thinking. Anytime I was freaking out that he didn't like me or whatever I would just ask him. If I didn't ask him flat out a couple times if he really likes me. I wouldnt have known he was madly in love with me, and now I can see it more and more. Communication is the key to a relationship. Don't come on to strong for him either. Basically mimic how he is treating you and if it's true relationship you'll see him act different

Yeah, I'm trying to tone it down a bit. It's just..I have 2 weeks and he'll be gone for 2+ weeks, and who's to say he'll even care to a) talk to me when he's gone or b) want to talk/see me when he comes back lol Idk...

Favorite dessert, red rose, very sweet of you if you ask me. Some guys though don't feel that way and he might feel you are cornering him when he isn't sure he wants to be cornered just yet. I'd back off myself, not be distant per se, but try not to appear (I truly am not saying you are) so needy. He may not come back around but if you push push push you will most definitely push him away it seems to me. Just my thoughts, could be far off base.

I was trying anyway. He told me no one has ever done that kind of stuff for him, and it was a way of showing that I listen to him. Because he told me this stuff awhile back and yeah.. I guess it could be too much too fast, but isn't this the part where I should be courting him and finding ways of getting him to like me? I probably am coming off needy. I'll admit it, no need to sugar coat it lol. This is my first everything, and it's something that I've wanted for a long time...so I'm sure it's what's is happening. *shrug* Hard to tone down the emotions bouncing around =/

Hey, pinkpineapples, I hope that everything works out well for you, but I also think you should prepare yourself should the worst occur.

Is this the same guy who has encouraged you to go to clubs and get with at least five other guys? Now he is non-committal about meeting you today, knowing that you have something special planned. It's sounding like he is less interested in a serious relationship than are you. I hope I'm wrong.

Good luck.

Thanks. I'm trying to keep the possibility of badness in the back of my mind. I know it will still mess me up though lol. Be the sad little school girl in her room listening to Sarah Maclahlan (sp) crying her eyes out lol.

He isn't pushing me to go clubbing, i was just thinking about going to maybe meet some more people (i just lack the...confidence to do so?) But yeah, he says he wants me to experience other people and allow me to make sure i know what i want. Doesn't want me to get years down the road and regret that I didn't have my 'fun' . The not being eager to see me knowing i have a surprise planned is kind of a downer though... Maybe he'll decide today. Who knows ~_~

All I want are for things to work out. I could use a splash of happiness in my life, and that's what I feel...when I'm with him anyway. Safe, Happy..le sigh

 

[monel]

All I want are for things to work out. I could use a splash of happiness in my life, and that's what I feel...when I'm with him anyway. Safe, Happy..le sigh

Well what is clear is that if things don't work out it will certainly be his loss.

 

[pinkpineapples]

Well what is clear is that if things don't work out it will certainly be his loss.

Thanks..

Turns out he'd rather go out with his best friend tonight. lol....i just found out the tiramisu I made only has a shelf life of a few days... Whatever

 

[Stephenmass]

Pink, it was really really nice as I said what you did for him. I'd feel great if someone ever cared enough to do that for me in the beginning stages. Even if I wasn't interested say, if someone thought enough of me to do something like that I would think he is the sweetest guy in the world. I wouldn't lie to him though and string him along as a result. If it were me, and I was not interested, at the very least I'd kiss you and let you know how great that was of you to do for me but at the present time I am not ready for a commitment of any sorts, etc. He seems to leave you hanging (no pun intended).

He should at least acknowledge what you are doing, and if interested but wants to take it slower, let you know that. But communication is a two-way street guy, so maybe you should be talking with him a bit more so you know where the two of you stand kind of thing? Be prepared as Monel rightfully pointed out for disappointment. But you never know, he may just want to take it slower or isn't interested in a relationship but likes you, but at the same time he knows that if he is with you, that you like him but it's not coming back from him? At least not yet. I don't really know but I do know at this point I'd communicate with him. Whatever happens, he sounds like a friend of yours so I hope it doesn't ruin what seems to be a good friendship. As Monel says, if it does, it's his loss.

 

[monel]

Turns out he'd rather go out with his best friend tonight. lol....i just found out the tiramisu I made only has a shelf life of a few days... Whatever

I am really sorry to hear this, Pink. You deserve much better than this shabby treatment. I'm sure you're not feeling too good right now but don't second guess your actions. You made no missteps. The only shortcomings are his; his lack of consideration and lack of appreciation. Any of us can only hope to be made to feel as desired as you made this guy feel and treated as well as you treated him.

 

[pinkpineapples]

I am really sorry to hear this, Pink. You deserve much better than this shabby treatment. I'm sure you're not feeling too good right now but don't second guess your actions. You made no missteps. The only shortcomings are his; his lack of consideration and lack of appreciation. Any of us can only hope to be made to feel as desired as you made this guy feel and treated as well as you treated him.

Thanks. He called me early to make sure everything was ok. Could tell I was upset. Think we just had a small lack of communication. talked it out and I think we're good. just going to do everything tomorrow. Hopefully he will come to realize that I mean business lol

 

[monel]

... I think we're good. just going to do everything tomorrow. Hopefully he will come to realize that I mean business lol

Good. I hope he feels miserable and it ruins his night out with his friends. I also hope he makes it up to you tomorrow. Good luck.

 

[pinkpineapples]

Good. I hope he feels miserable and it ruins his night out with his friends. I also hope he makes it up to you tomorrow. Good luck.

Thanks youre sweet lol. And he will make it up...I'll see to it lol

 

[B_subgirrl]

I guess it could be too much too fast, but isn't this the part where I should be courting him and finding ways of getting him to like me?

Stop right there! A relationship should never, EVER be about 'getting him to like you'!!!!

A relationship is about getting to know one another AS YOU ARE, and enjoying one another AS YOU ARE. It isn't about getting them to like you, and if he needs convincing, he isn't good enough (and/or the right person) for you.

The main reasons most people do wonderful things together early in relationships (and hopefully later too) are:

1. To show their feelings for one another.
2. To make each other feel good.

It is NOT (or shouldn't be) because they are trying to convince each other of something.

Thanks. He called me early to make sure everything was ok. Could tell I was upset. Think we just had a small lack of communication. talked it out and I think we're good. just going to do everything tomorrow. Hopefully he will come to realize that I mean business lol

Have a good time tomorrow! It may well have been unintended on his part. He might not have realised that you thought he was DEFINITELY coming over.

 

[Stephenmass]

Subgirrl I understand totally what you mean and I agree. I think it's possible the OP just misworded a bit in explaining tho I don't really know that obviously. I think what he means is how do you let someone else know you are interested in them, not so much getting them to like you. He apparently does really nice things for this guy. Like you I agree that if he continues and no reciprocation or at the very least, appreciation of his "gifts" for lack of a better word, yes you interpreted well. I don't think he is trying to force the guy to like him or "get" the guy to like him. I think he just wants the guy to notice he is interested.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Subgirrl I understand totally what you mean and I agree. I think it's possible the OP just misworded a bit in explaining tho I don't really know that obviously. I think what he means is how do you let someone else know you are interested in them, not so much getting them to like you.

I sort of suspect that PP might be so eager for this relationship to work and so worried that it might NOT, that he might have really meant it the way he wrote it. If he did misword it, my apologies to PP :smile:.

He apparently does really nice things for this guy.

Oh, the dessert thing was WONDERFULLY romantic and sweet!!!

Like you I agree that if he continues and no reciprocation or at the very least, appreciation of his "gifts" for lack of a better word, yes you interpreted well. I don't think he is trying to force the guy to like him or "get" the guy to like him. I think he just wants the guy to notice he is interested.

I wasn't worried about PP's intentions, so much as the kind of relationships he might end up in if he really believes he needs to convince partners that he's worthwhile. PP's lovely. Any potential partners should be able to see that just from him being himself.

 

[pinkpineapples]

Maybe 'make him like me' was misworded? lol But you know what I mean. It's that whole courtship thing. Want him to see what being with me would be like.

And yes, i'm very eager for this and HORRIBLY worried it won't work lol. I've been waiting for this for a long time and I just... need to pace myself I'm sure. I'm starting to fall for him lol. Cant wait to see him, talk to him, SMELL him (god he smells so good) lol...just everything. Drives me crazy!

Told him I hate him for the way he makes me feel lol

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

Stop right there! A relationship should never, EVER be about 'getting him to like you'!!!!

A relationship is about getting to know one another AS YOU ARE, and enjoying one another AS YOU ARE. It isn't about getting them to like you, and if he needs convincing, he isn't good enough (and/or the right person) for you.

The main reasons most people do wonderful things together early in relationships (and hopefully later too) are:

1. To show their feelings for one another.
2. To make each other feel good.

It is NOT (or shouldn't be) because they are trying to convince each other of something.

That's relationship advice everyone should hear, before they start a relationship. :up:

 

[bimetaldude]

Ugh, so frustrating..he acts like he doesn't want to see me. 'so do I get to see you today' Idk lol .. I haven't seen him since monday, which isn't a very long time but it feels like forever.

You would think he would, considering he knows today is the last day of my vacation and that I have something planned for him. Just dont get it.. I mean I know he had to get up hella early and he's probably tired... Idk, just ranting cause I'm aggravated and emo about it lol. I just put a lot of thought into his surprise...would think he'd be more excited is all =/

I can relate. try having your first guy relationship being a long distance one. I live on the west coast and my bf lives on the east coast. I am already insecure about stuff. And my bf is a pretty quiet guy. He does not go out to bars , clubs and stays home on weekends working on his house.

You have to give them their space. Not text them every 30 minutes. I would freak out if 3 hours went by and I did not hear from him. Well he told me that they have not invented cellphones that attach at the hips yet. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. We are on 17 months now and I am going to fly to visit him in 3 weeks and we have not seen each other since late may.

just do not bother him about "when do I see you next" because it could run him off. Let him contact you from time to time.

And enjoy!

 

[D_James J Poke]

WOW! "Absense makes the heart grow fonder, sometimes colder, and oftentimes develop amnesia!" You are all very young and have a long love life ahead of you! Slow Down! I too, attached a "sense of permanence" to the first guy I fell in love with, which only lead to the first, of many, heartaches. That is the "nature of the beast" we call love. At the time, little did I know that this was life's way of preparing me for when "the one true love of my life" would finally show up (we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary on December 1).

Whether you want to believe it or not, gay men in their 20's are not emotionally ready to commit to a "long-term" relationship. We are not built that way - unlike heteorsexuals. Looking back, I can see I wasn't either, even though I thought I was. It was only through the "heartaches" that I was able to grow emotionally, and with each experience, got closer and closer to finally meet the man who was truly for me!

I wish you all well, in what will be the best ride of your life!

"Life is funny in many ways, but a real comedian when it comes to affairs of the heart!"
- Anonymous

 

[hungboy18]

Everything you're saying makes sense, I think most people, maybe especially gay people (when it comes to sexual preference) would understand how important a relationship is, most people start flirting, dating, having sex... when they are teens and that's how life is, but for a gay person that usually comes later in life (20's, 30's even), when we are able to provide for ourselves or when we find the courage to live like we should and by that I mean date and be out in public, hopefully feel proud of who we are enough to stand up for what we believe in... well what I mean is: for someone who is in his 20's and feels kinda lonely and hasn't had a physical and romantic relationship with someone that kinda is a big deal, I wish I had a boyfriend, sometimes I'm with this couple I know and I sorta feed off their romance and when they fight which lately has been every 15 minutes I kinda get a bit emotional myself, I just feel so invested in their relationship whenever I'm with them, I think that's me wanting what they have, wow I just made this about me, but I'm gonna continue just so you understand that what you're feeling is ok and people need to understand that, I don't want sex, I do, but I just want to hold someone, to kiss someone, to look into someone's eyes and feel like I can tell that person anything and everything and feel loved and never let go of that person, I need that and so I understand what you're feeling. I hope this was helpful

 

[D_James J Poke]

Everything you're saying makes sense, I think most people, maybe especially gay people (when it comes to sexual preference) would understand how important a relationship is, most people start flirting, dating, having sex... when they are teens and that's how life is, but for a gay person that usually comes later in life (20's, 30's even), when we are able to provide for ourselves or when we find the courage to live like we should and by that I mean date and be out in public, hopefully feel proud of who we are enough to stand up for what we believe in... well what I mean is: for someone who is in his 20's and feels kinda lonely and hasn't had a physical and romantic relationship with someone that kinda is a big deal, I wish I had a boyfriend, sometimes I'm with this couple I know and I sorta feed off their romance and when they fight which lately has been every 15 minutes I kinda get a bit emotional myself, I just feel so invested in their relationship whenever I'm with them, I think that's me wanting what they have, wow I just made this about me, but I'm gonna continue just so you understand that what you're feeling is ok and people need to understand that, I don't want sex, I do, but I just want to hold someone, to kiss someone, to look into someone's eyes and feel like I can tell that person anything and everything and feel loved and never let go of that person, I need that and so I understand what you're feeling. I hope this was helpful

You are absolutely right about the feelings - especially loneliness. Even though I had friends, and one very good friend who was also gay, the loneliness I felt was at times unbearable! It wasn't until my late 20's did I, as you stated, "become comfortable" with being gay. It was only when I looked as good on the inside, as I did on the outside, did things change for me -including priorities (including the need to be in a relationship). What was most important for me to learn was "SEX is NOT LOVE, and LOVE is NOT SEX!"

Basically, you nailed it - its about emotionally maturity!

 

[monel]

Hi Pinkpineapples. I think all that really matters is how your evening went. So...?

 

[pinkpineapples]

Everything you're saying makes sense, I think most people, maybe especially gay people (when it comes to sexual preference) would understand how important a relationship is, most people start flirting, dating, having sex... when they are teens and that's how life is, but for a gay person that usually comes later in life (20's, 30's even), when we are able to provide for ourselves or when we find the courage to live like we should and by that I mean date and be out in public, hopefully feel proud of who we are enough to stand up for what we believe in... well what I mean is: for someone who is in his 20's and feels kinda lonely and hasn't had a physical and romantic relationship with someone that kinda is a big deal, I wish I had a boyfriend, sometimes I'm with this couple I know and I sorta feed off their romance and when they fight which lately has been every 15 minutes I kinda get a bit emotional myself, I just feel so invested in their relationship whenever I'm with them, I think that's me wanting what they have, wow I just made this about me, but I'm gonna continue just so you understand that what you're feeling is ok and people need to understand that, I don't want sex, I do, but I just want to hold someone, to kiss someone, to look into someone's eyes and feel like I can tell that person anything and everything and feel loved and never let go of that person, I need that and so I understand what you're feeling. I hope this was helpful

May have sounded (to you) that you were talking about yourself, but it totally explains how i've felt for a long time. Most of the time we don't get to have the high school sweethearts and goto dances, and learn the social interaction of dating. At least I didn't. This is all NEW NEW NEW for me lol. I've longed to be with someone for so long, i'm probably falling too hard, but..hopefully I'll get caught Thanks!

I can relate. try having your first guy relationship being a long distance one. I live on the west coast and my bf lives on the east coast. I am already insecure about stuff. And my bf is a pretty quiet guy. He does not go out to bars , clubs and stays home on weekends working on his house.

You have to give them their space. Not text them every 30 minutes. I would freak out if 3 hours went by and I did not hear from him. Well he told me that they have not invented cellphones that attach at the hips yet. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. We are on 17 months now and I am going to fly to visit him in 3 weeks and we have not seen each other since late may.

just do not bother him about "when do I see you next" because it could run him off. Let him contact you from time to time.

And enjoy!

GOD i would die if i couldn't see him for that long! 1 day is bad enough lol. And yeah, I need to work on bothering him all the time. Well, not BOTHERING, but you know what i mean. Just enjoy talking to him. I'm going to make an effort to leave him alone tomorrow lol. He'll probably think something's wrong, haha. And I'm bad at the 'when do i get to see you again' thing..... I just work so much and he does too, it feels like it has to be scheduled. Thanks!

You are absolutely right about the feelings - especially loneliness. Even though I had friends, and one very good friend who was also gay, the loneliness I felt was at times unbearable! It wasn't until my late 20's did I, as you stated, "become comfortable" with being gay. It was only when I looked as good on the inside, as I did on the outside, did things change for me -including priorities (including the need to be in a relationship). What was most important for me to learn was "SEX is NOT LOVE, and LOVE is NOT SEX!"

Basically, you nailed it - its about emotionally maturity!

Indeed, extremely lonely as a gay kid growing up. I grew up in a place where not many ppl were interested in a gay person lol. So i distanced myself from what i SAW as gay? clothes, hair...all the metrosexual things you see. I know this isnt every gay person, don't flame me...lol, but it's what I didn't feel like I was a part of and wanted to be. Now i feel socially awkward when it comes to the 'gay scene' and being around others lol.

It is a little better now though. I just need to break in further! Thx

Hi Pinkpineapples. I think all that really matters is how your evening went. So...?

It went well, thanks! I showed up, pretended I had forgotten everything lol. COULD NOT find a single rose ANYWHERE GAH! Wanted to get one in his favorite colors, Red/White...FAIL But he LOVED the tiramisu. Said it was VERY good, got many kisses for that lol. He loved his wine... Snuggled up on the couch, watched some tv...very good night.

THEN he waasnt feeling good the other day, so i made him some homemade chicken noodle soup (hell yeah, was good too lol). He thoroughly enjoyed that, got many thanks and kisses for that too. Scoring some points

 

[monel]

It went well, thanks! I showed up, pretended I had forgotten everything lol. COULD NOT find a single rose ANYWHERE GAH! Wanted to get one in his favorite colors, Red/White...FAIL But he LOVED the tiramisu. Said it was VERY good, got many kisses for that lol. He loved his wine... Snuggled up on the couch, watched some tv...very good night.

THEN he waasnt feeling good the other day, so i made him some homemade chicken noodle soup (hell yeah, was good too lol). He thoroughly enjoyed that, got many thanks and kisses for that too. Scoring some points

Well done and congratulations. I really hope everything works put well for you.