It's great to read your history! Lots of guys struggle with their identity. The overly simplistic binary description of straight or gay crashes up against the reality that sexuality is really a spectrum and all of guys lie somewhere randomly on the line. You're likely on the straight end of it, but maybe not on the far-end of ultra-straight, but not even in the middle. It doesn't really matter where you are. Give yourself permission to not be on the far-straight end and find out what you like, what feels natural, what interests you. I grew up straight, married a woman even though I knew I had been watching young men with slight interest for years. It became more intense as time passed. (I've been told that this is not uncommon for guys as they grow older: some slide down the scale somewhat as they mature.)
I started becoming more adventurous on business trips. As you suggest, being anonymous in another city is amazingly freeing. I started looking for gay bars that had dancing gogo boys or strippers. I would pass them dollar bills for a brief touch. That was my gay sex life for years! lol. Until one of them followed me back to my hotel room.
Now? I still feel mostly straight because I can only imagine myself having a romantic relationship with a woman. But I dearly love the pure sensations of pleasing young men as a top. So I call it my hobby.

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Allow yourself to be whomever it feels right to be. It's ok to not be what you thought.