So, I have been friends with this guy online for 5 yrs. We have shared a lot during this time. I was 16 when we first started to talk. He was a hard person to talk to. He didn't believe that someone like me could ever be that sincere. But I was. I liked him. I liked he didn't fall all over me, and I never liked a guy who did.
He lives in a very small town in Canada, where his balls are still freezing in May. He told of this last May. He is 26, lives at home with his mom, his father has passed on some yrs. ago. He has a job he hates, he never went to school past HS, hates the idea of college and thinks all who do, well...are just stupid. He lives for video games, he reviews them on his site..loves MGS and his middle brother.
I often wonder where I fit in his life. Maybe it was I didn't mind he was moody or stubborn. But as I grew older, as now I am 21 almost done Nursing school and have ideas for my future.. I wonder more why I still engage in conversations where he just ends them with "fuck this" or... says nothing and hangs up if we are on the phone. We wanted to meet in December...but I know that would only bring to me more heartache. He is my best friend in many ways, but I know the way he rips my heart apart daily,,, I just can't take that kind of rejection anymore. It hurts and hurts bad. He says he 'loves' me..but manipulation, putting me down, correcting me all the time, being in the mood to argue all the time and treating me like I'm a rolled up ball of trash who gets kicked around as soon as I say something 'wrong' in his eyes...is not love. Well, thats not all he does to hurt me,,but I'd be here forever telling my story.
How do I leave? It's been 5 yrs. so it's not so easy for me to do..believe me, I tried...and many times over the years. But he comes back with questions like.."why do you reject me?" ... "I thought you cared about me?" which have me regroup and think.."yes, why do I? If I am his friend and care of him, why am I leaving?" My answer should be, "because he hurts me and makes me sad, and I feel like shit most times after we have a talk."
I logged on with a happy "helloo!" only to be logged off on because he was worried of a strike that may happen at work..and I said, "well you live at home (its paid for after dad died) and you have money in your bank (over 20 grand he told me yrs. ago) and usually strikes don't last long." I tried to comfort him.
Well, he logged off. I called him and asked..."what did I say so wrong>" he said for me to go look at the chat, its all there. Said "fuck this" and hung up.
I don't deserve this. Nobody does.
I need serious help in leaving him. But he is in my heart, it's true. But I know my heart can't take anymore of his uncaring and selfish ways either.
I know the usual answers...delete my gmail, dont answer his incoming mail, etc.
I need a bigger plan. I guess I'm looking for a miracle...but any advise would be appreciated.
Please help me.
He lives in a very small town in Canada, where his balls are still freezing in May. He told of this last May. He is 26, lives at home with his mom, his father has passed on some yrs. ago. He has a job he hates, he never went to school past HS, hates the idea of college and thinks all who do, well...are just stupid. He lives for video games, he reviews them on his site..loves MGS and his middle brother.
I often wonder where I fit in his life. Maybe it was I didn't mind he was moody or stubborn. But as I grew older, as now I am 21 almost done Nursing school and have ideas for my future.. I wonder more why I still engage in conversations where he just ends them with "fuck this" or... says nothing and hangs up if we are on the phone. We wanted to meet in December...but I know that would only bring to me more heartache. He is my best friend in many ways, but I know the way he rips my heart apart daily,,, I just can't take that kind of rejection anymore. It hurts and hurts bad. He says he 'loves' me..but manipulation, putting me down, correcting me all the time, being in the mood to argue all the time and treating me like I'm a rolled up ball of trash who gets kicked around as soon as I say something 'wrong' in his eyes...is not love. Well, thats not all he does to hurt me,,but I'd be here forever telling my story.
How do I leave? It's been 5 yrs. so it's not so easy for me to do..believe me, I tried...and many times over the years. But he comes back with questions like.."why do you reject me?" ... "I thought you cared about me?" which have me regroup and think.."yes, why do I? If I am his friend and care of him, why am I leaving?" My answer should be, "because he hurts me and makes me sad, and I feel like shit most times after we have a talk."
I logged on with a happy "helloo!" only to be logged off on because he was worried of a strike that may happen at work..and I said, "well you live at home (its paid for after dad died) and you have money in your bank (over 20 grand he told me yrs. ago) and usually strikes don't last long." I tried to comfort him.
Well, he logged off. I called him and asked..."what did I say so wrong>" he said for me to go look at the chat, its all there. Said "fuck this" and hung up.
I don't deserve this. Nobody does.
I need serious help in leaving him. But he is in my heart, it's true. But I know my heart can't take anymore of his uncaring and selfish ways either.
I know the usual answers...delete my gmail, dont answer his incoming mail, etc.
I need a bigger plan. I guess I'm looking for a miracle...but any advise would be appreciated.
Please help me.
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