I have had several friends who married, had kids and then finally "relented" to being gay. It is sad how we are put into a box and must stay in that box. Years ago I was talking with a young Italian lad in a gay bar. He told me that the problem with Americans is how we must fit in one container and stay in that container. He went on to say that in Italy you might hook up with a delicious man who, after having sex, will announce he must now go home to the wife and children.
I have had several friends who married, had kids and then finally "relented" to being gay. It is sad how we are put into a box and must stay in that box. Years ago I was talking with a young Italian lad in a gay bar. He told me that the problem with Americans is how we must fit in one container and stay in that container. He went on to say that in Italy you might hook up with a delicious man who, after having sex, will announce he must now go home to the wife and children.
That is prob. How life should really be.
If gays honestly weren’t so vein we’d be a lot better but I feel what I see on this site is low key proof of what’s wrong with our community.
I don’t understand what you mean by low key proof.
There are vain people everywhere. Personally, the gay community I’m in is giving and active.
My attraction to men was a gradual thing. I didn't even consider men attractive whatsoever until I was about 11-12? I was attracted to females and was horny for females, until I found a VHS video under our basement area that had gay porn scenes on it. I remember being intrigued by the idea but didn't feel any sexual attraction towards it, then as the weeks went on I started being attracted to certain males - Ryan Phillippe in I Know What You Did Last Summer and Michael Douglas in Basic Instinct... and it progressed from there?
Looking back, I question whether I was simply bisexual from birth. Or seeing that tape awoke something that wasn't there?
Looking back, I question whether I was simply bisexual from birth. Or seeing that tape awoke something that wasn't there?
I want to ask: What do you consider yourself to be sexually today? As for Ryan Phillipe. HELL YES. As to being bisexual from birth, some psychologists believe that many of us are "created" bisexual, but each of us leans more heavily toward homosexual or heterosexual. In the US we live in a society that demands we MUST be one way or the other, which is disgraceful.
I think that is Freud's theory of 'innate bisexuality', the idea that we are all born bisexual and over time as we grow up, we are socialized into monosexuality, which influenced Kinsey and others?
Yes, that originated with Freud although later studies tend to disagree.
When I as struggling with "coming out" as a homosexual at age 23, a year after honorable Military service, I sought out books on the subject of homosexuality. I found one that I still have, now many years later: "Male Homosexuality: A Cross-cultural and Cross-species Study" by Dr. Wainwright Churchill. It is (was) a laborious read but Churchill put a LOT of time into his study.
I came away from reading this tome with one thought in mind: Religion totally fucked up human sexuality. During graduate study at seminary, I also learned that the story about Sodom & Gomorrah has NOTHING to do with sex. It is about hospitality and being hostile to foreigners who are guests. The Roman Catholic Church screwed around with that one centuries ago, big time.
When I as struggling with "coming out" as a homosexual at age 23, a year after honorable Military service, I sought out books on the subject of homosexuality. I found one that I still have, now many years later: "Male Homosexuality: A Cross-cultural and Cross-species Study" by Dr. Wainwright Churchill. It is (was) a laborious read but Churchill put a LOT of time into his study.
I came away from reading this tome with one thought in mind: Religion totally fucked up human sexuality. During graduate study at seminary, I also learned that the story about Sodom & Gomorrah has NOTHING to do with sex. It is about hospitality and being hostile to foreigners who are guests. The Roman Catholic Church screwed around with that one centuries ago, big time.
Well, gay or straight we all have veins - which has nothing to do with being vain. No one site is representative of an entire community. Yes here are vain people who happen to be gay, but they are out numbered by the straight people who happen to be vain as well. Generalizations lead no where, tells us nothing and blind all parties to reality.
Just from my own observation and experience, which is by no means universal I would label the tape as an awakening, not a cause in and of itself.
Critique a group of individuals isn’t a generalization but calling out the toxic culture in the gay community. You can’t go to an app that doesn’t have people clarifying no fats, no fems etc. me wanting us to be better doesn’t make me a bad person
If you want to be a better person, stay of the apps. Seriously. These are hook up sites where men try to find their fantasy hook up for a one nighter or friend with benefits type situation. It is about finding an ideal sex partner, nothing more. No, you're not a bad person but the issue is not limited to gay people. Str8 people tend to be equally fussy in looking for sex.
I think I'm bisexual as I can find both men and women sexually attractive. I don't believe I'd find males attractive had I not found that tape.
I think a lot of what we like as adults is formed by family expectations and what we see as teens. Finding your father or brother's porn, or magazines shared with friends. This is what everyone else likes, so I should like it too. It can also create confusion because if your friends like one thing, and you really don't, then you have an internal struggle over where you fit in.
My step father, and other adults always said horrible things about gay men. They are bad people, they are going to hell, don't be like them, etc....At some point, I figured out that I liked the same thing as these bad people they were always talking about - yet I wasn't a bad person. Let me say that my step father was a horrible example of a human being. I realized that no matter how bad he thought gay men were, I would always be better than he was. That was the end of the internal struggle.
My husband had a completely different journey to get to where he is / we are today. His family came from Cuba when he was a small child. He and his twin brother were raised with the expectation that they would marry and have kids. He knew he was attracted to men at a young age, but put it aside because of what he was taught. His father died when he was 17 and I think there was also the thought that he didn't want to disappoint him. He married at 20 and by the time he was 26 they had 3 kids. They divorced after 21 years of marriage because he could no longer deny who he truly was. His twin brother married, had 2 kids, and divorced as well. He came out a few years after my husband did. Their mother was absolutely ok with it. They have several first cousins who are gay, and she just shrugged and told them to be happy.
My mother was cool with it. She just wanted me to be happy, and I am.
My step father, and other adults always said horrible things about gay men. They are bad people, they are going to hell, don't be like them, etc....At some point, I figured out that I liked the same thing as these bad people they were always talking about - yet I wasn't a bad person. Let me say that my step father was a horrible example of a human being. I realized that no matter how bad he thought gay men were, I would always be better than he was. That was the end of the internal struggle.
My husband had a completely different journey to get to where he is / we are today. His family came from Cuba when he was a small child. He and his twin brother were raised with the expectation that they would marry and have kids. He knew he was attracted to men at a young age, but put it aside because of what he was taught. His father died when he was 17 and I think there was also the thought that he didn't want to disappoint him. He married at 20 and by the time he was 26 they had 3 kids. They divorced after 21 years of marriage because he could no longer deny who he truly was. His twin brother married, had 2 kids, and divorced as well. He came out a few years after my husband did. Their mother was absolutely ok with it. They have several first cousins who are gay, and she just shrugged and told them to be happy.
My mother was cool with it. She just wanted me to be happy, and I am.
I tend to agree. Everyone likes sex! But we get condition on how we should have it.
zaynmlk1626
Worshipped Member
my thoughts on being gay?
i knew it since i was really really young. my thought was ''this is going to be a really difficult life''
and i was right.
i knew it since i was really really young. my thought was ''this is going to be a really difficult life''
and i was right.
zaynmlk1626
Worshipped Member
having to hide your real feelings and personality from family and friends?
being bullied all school for years and be worried someone might out you?
trying to find a guy to settle with when 95% of them on dating apps are just looking for a quick sex?
dating other gay guys with their own psychological issues and they breaking your heart?
breaking up with your boyfriend and having to pretend nothing happened/hide it in front of your family and friends(except gay friends) when in fact you are dying inside??
falling in love with your str8 friends and being heartbroken cause of course they're str8 so they are disgusted in the thought of having sex with you or knowing you are in love with them?
all your str8 friends or brothers and sisters, some of them even younger than you, are in long term relationships or getting married and having children and you're still trying to meet the one normal guy to settle with and it won't never happen?
your parents asking you on a daily basis ''when are you going to meet us your girlfriend? when are you going to have kids?''
lying to your friends about your love life when in fact you actually need to share all of it with them but you're afraid of their reaction or rejection?
telling your friends stories of the shitty girl who treated you really bad and broke your heart when in fact the story is real but it was not a shitty girl but a really cute guy you met online...
is that enough? i have more...
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