Thoughts On Obesity And Fatphobia

[Big_a_20]

@Experiment_626

Discriminatory practices, and or treatment arise from prejudicial views, and or beliefs. Prejudice is often times birthed from an irrational fear, such as the fear of the obese. My weight has fluctuated from the mid 300 lbs, to as low as 150 lbs. At every point, and body type in between both extremes, I can identify differences in certain business practices relating to pricing, scheduling, access, and quantity limitations for the obese, which are not applied to the normal or under weight person.

Do you have any specifics and how they were discriminatory without cause? Please share so we can learn from your perspective

 

[andigazed]

Do you have any specifics and how they were discriminatory without cause? Please share so we can learn from your perspective

@Big_a_20

Something in your phrasing, "discriminatory without cause", makes me pause. I do want to discourse, and debate. However, I don't believe there are lawful justfications for discrimination as they relate to race, gender, disability, religion, age, and sexual orientation.

 

[Big_a_20]

@Big_a_20

Something in your phrasing, "discriminatory without cause", makes me pause. I do want to discourse, and debate. However, I don't believe there are lawful justfications for discrimination as they relate to race, gender, disability, religion, age, and sexual orientation.

My apologies, I was quoting from your post with that phrase but didn’t use quotes so it wouldn’t seem combative. What specific discriminations have you encountered in regards to practices, prices, and other ways you mentioned in the above post?

 

[andigazed]

My apologies, I was quoting from your post with that phrase but didn’t use quotes so it wouldn’t seem combative. What specific discriminations have you encountered in regards to practices, prices, and other ways you mentioned in the above post?

@Big_a_20

To clarify, I never used the term, or phrase "discriminatory without cause" here in any of my posts. You are incorrectly attributing that phrase to me. Since you @Big_a_20 did use that term, I ask you to explain what it means to you, as it relates to the discriminatory treatment of the obese?

 

[Big_a_20]

@Big_a_20

To clarify, I never used the term, or phrase "discriminatory without cause" here in any of my posts. You are incorrectly attributing that phrase to me. Since you @Big_a_20 did use that term, I ask you to explain what it means to you, as it relates to the discriminatory treatment of the obese?

I do not know of any specifics in that regard. I was going by your post to gleen more information. You may have not used that exact phrase but it was implied with your statement that “At every point, and body type in between both extremes, I can identify differences in certain business practices relating to pricing, scheduling, access, and quantity limitations for the obese, which are not applied to the normal or under weight person“. This would imply that there was discrimination without cause meaning that there is no valid reason for these differences. I joined this conversation to learn more from another perspective. I will not play a game of semantics when anyone can read what I posted and understand what I was asking for so I will ask again: what specific examples have you experienced?

 

[ronin001]

Sadly there is an image of the perfect this; or the ideal that Some people are calorically challenged and this plus size can effect their health. However society and medical science have created a series of weights to height scales, that the vast majority of people can not meet. I remember after a doctors appointment, being told I was overweight by about 25 pounds. This was 10 years ago, so I said WTF. fast forward 10 years I am happily enjoying a passionate love orgy with ice cream, cake, candy and Steaks. and i still say WTF to the doctor.

Long story short, some people are - A- Holes and will make fun of others if the others do not meet their benchmark. These same people joke at homelessness, poverty, cheap cars, outdated clothes, where you send your kids to school ; and yes certainly the weight of others,

If your weight affects your health please , try to work on it. , otherwise love yourself for who you are

Good Luck

 

[andigazed]

I do not know of any specifics in that regard. I was going by your post to gleen more information. You may have not used that exact phrase but it was implied with your statement that “At every point, and body type in between both extremes, I can identify differences in certain business practices relating to pricing, scheduling, access, and quantity limitations for the obese, which are not applied to the normal or under weight person“. This would imply that there was discrimination without cause meaning that there is no valid reason for these differences. I joined this conversation to learn more from another perspective. I will not play a game of semantics when anyone can read what I posted and understand what I was asking for so I will ask again: what specific examples have you experienced?

@Big_a_20

In the first sentence of your reply @Big_a_20, you write "I don't know of any specifics in that regard", please explain what you are referring to?

I fundamentally disagree with your position @Big_a_20, that there is a lawful cause to engage in discriminatory treatment of an individual because they are obese. @Big_a_20 you should defend your position by providing examples of when @Big_a_20 thinks there is a just, and lawful cause to engage in discriminatory practices against the obese.

 

[billybones]

@Experiment_626

Discriminatory practices, and or treatment arise from prejudicial views, and or beliefs. Prejudice is often times birthed from an irrational fear, such as the fear of the obese. My weight has fluctuated from the mid 300 lbs, to as low as 150 lbs. At every point, and body type in between both extremes, I can identify differences in certain business practices relating to pricing, scheduling, access, and quantity limitations for the obese, which are not applied to the normal or under weight person.

Would you expound on pricing?

 

[andigazed]

Would you expound on pricing?

Formal attire for both men, and women at most major retailers are priced higher for plus sizes.

 

[billybones]

Formal attire for both men, and women at most major retailers are priced higher for plus sizes.

And? Go on, please.

 

[Tight_End_SC]

I look at it this way, and am speaking from experience. When I moved back to the South a decade ago, my diet changed. I put on way too much weight and reached a point that I knew was just not healthy. I figured that a small start such as not eating between meals and cutting out concentrated sugar would be the way to go. I started walking every day also. Small changes like that over just a two week span make a difference. When you start to notice the change, you will become more motivated to continue.

Over time I increased exercise... actually got into some decent cardio and weight lifting along with sauna. It took months but I was back in jeans that I used to wear in high school after six months of doing this. Different people need to go about this in a way that best works for them but really, the change can happen. Just stick with a plan, consult your doctor if you feel that is best. The feeling of being in decent physical shape is much better than carring around all that extra weight.

None of this should be construed as insulting or anything less than some sage advice. It works, I know it does because I did it.

Best!

 

[Beanie]

I think it’s just an unfortunate side effect from modern society! People are over weight for so many more reason than a lot of people realise and it can be completely out of some’s control!
I do think it’s becoming more ‘fashionable’ And acceptable nowadays but it won’t completely change I think.

 

[Big_a_20]

@Big_a_20

In the first sentence of your reply @Big_a_20, you write "I don't know of any specifics in that regard", please explain what you are referring to?

I fundamentally disagree with your position @Big_a_20, that there is a lawful cause to engage in discriminatory treatment of an individual because they are obese. @Big_a_20 you should defend your position by providing examples of when @Big_a_20 thinks there is a just, and lawful cause to engage in discriminatory practices against the obese.

How simpler do I need to be? I explained what i meant when i asked you originally and you still ask me the same thing. I cannot tell if you are trolling me or suffer from mental impairment.

 

[Big_a_20]

Formal attire for both men, and women at most major retailers are priced higher for plus sizes.

Yes because it uses more fabric and in order to cover the overhead and production costs, clothing manufacturers will charge more for specialized garments (i.e. formalwear)

DISPROVED

What else you got @andigazed?

 

[MariaMaria2]

Ironic to discover this thread just now. This morning I posted a blog entry dealing with my losing weight and rediscovering my self-confidence.

My job recently changed because of the coronavirus, and I'm having to work a lot harder physically in this role than the one I was actually hired to do. The result of which has been a marked decrease in weight and an increase in muscle tone.

This is not to brag or pretend that there's an easy solution. I've been as high as 265 pounds in the last decade. With all the wonderful heath problems associated with it - and I'm still fighting diabetes and high blood pressure. I've been fighting the same fight for decades. As has my wife.

A few years ago I tried injections, and over the years just about every fad and food program there is. My problem is that I go right back to drinking wine and booze, and eating things like pizza. And watching tv.

And something I noted in the blog is the significant impact losing the weight has had on my psyche. My self-esteem is definitely much better than it was just a few months ago. If you've never been fat you cannot know the drain it has on your self-respect and confidence. Whether you're a fit person saying it's just a matter of eating right and working out, or a fat person saying "accept yourself" you're missing the main point: I want to look and feel better and I'm embarrassed that I don't. It's just not a switch you can turn off and on.

In my case circumstances have led to things which improved my health, but not by design. I didn't set out to lose more fat - I was unhappily cruising around 230-235 for the last year. Without the work change I'd still be around that same weight. I know it sounds weird to say that, but if it were simply a matter of self-control I wouldn't be a 59 year old with three decades of health issues and weight problems behind me.

I was a former athlete. I know how to be fit. That's not the issue. The psychology that goes along with being fat is the issue.

And that's something few people who haven't fought the fight get.

I've got a long way to go and may not make it. I've had too many times when I made great progress only to fall back. But boy do I get the damage that does to my state of mind. More power to you Maria. Thanks for starting this thread.

Thank you for sharing your experience and highlighting the psychological aspect of this. May you continue to feel healthier and happier!

 

[MariaMaria2]

This is a very personal issue for me as I am also morbidly obese. There are so many sides of this but many people refuse to even try to understand. I have run into and seen SO MANY horrible instances of fat shaming under the guise of "help" it's sickening. Like I literally want to cry how mean people are online. For some people, bullying and shaming works for them to stop whatever bad habit they are actively doing. However it does not work for everyone. In fact, there is research/studies that shows shaming obese people actually causes them to gain more weight or stay obese. It increases their underlying issues such as depression or anxiety and causes more harm.

So some people tried to start a movement to have obese people love themselves and the body they are in. Because otherwise why should I take care of myself if I hate myself? Unfortunately as happens with lots of things, initial movements change or a vocal minority becomes the center of attention and warps the perception. This has happened with the so called "fat acceptance". Others, horrified by this, push back with even more shame and ridicule which indirectly harms what was the original goal: having obese people learn to love themselves and the body they are in so they can care for and help themselves.

One other thing that many people don't realize is that morbidly obese people are suffering from an addiction. No seriously. Every meal is releasing dopamine that causes us to crave more. Yes, it is usually unhealthy foods but not always. Its simply a calorie surplus that causes weight gain. Most people who have an addiction to something can fight it by total avoidance. For example: a smoker can eventually never smoke again. A heavy alcoholic learns they just cannot have even one sip of beer or they roll ride down that hill again. But if addicted to food, you cannot totally avoid your addiction trigger. We have to eat everyday. It is essential to life.

Imagine how alcoholics would fare if everyone HAD to have at least 3 beers a day to live. Imagine if heavy chain smokers MUST have at least a 3 cigarettes a day to survive. Most people feel "I was obese and I was able to get back to healthy weight, why can't you? You need more willpower". But perhaps you actually have a lot more willpower than most people. Or perhaps you weren't as addicted as most people. Also imagine how much more unsuccessful quitting of smoking, alcohol or whatever would be if the above scenario were true where whatever you are trying to rid your addiction of is forced to be used/done everyday of your life forever.

Personally, I have been obese for my whole life. Literally since I was a child. I now realize my family overfed me and instilled a very strict "clean your plate OR ELSE." into me which probably taught my body to ignore any sign of normal satiety and eat much more than actually needed. Mixed into that, I became very depressed as a teen when realizing I was gay. Homophobia was prevalent, especially in the black community back then (Still is now to a lesser extent) and to top it off, I am also of Jamaican descent which well, is probably one of the most homophobic countries/cultures. I had to closet myself and hold that door TIGHT. I was so depressed, anxious of ever being outed and absolutely HATED myself. I literally wanted to die but couldn't bring myself to commit suicide. I didn't want to leave my family with that. My fucked up state of mind had thoughts like: "well at least with being so fat, maybe I'll just die of a heart attack or something. Like an indirect gradual suicide."

Eventually I slowly came out of such a deep self hatred of myself and accepted my homosexuality. Sticking a toe into the water, I tried to talk to other gay men online and on Grindr to be greeted with TONS of "No Fats!" and when posting a pic of myself on my profile, actually getting hate messages about how disgusting I was. Mind you, I never was the initiator in conversations, it was just hateful people! I also had a feeling I was already too fat for most and was only looking for friendship and conversation but I couldn't even get that. If you are fat, you are invisible in the mainstream gay community.

I learned that what people call a dad bod nowadays or even just "normal healthy bodyfat" was considered gross and disgusting by the gay community. Even cartoons like American Dad referenced this. "I'm 'gay fat.' I'm 'straight thin' but considered 'gay fat'." (This has shifted some more recently but still pretty bad) So of course if that was "fat", seeing my body was like a shit and vomit filled sac trying to pass as a person. So now unaccepted by my community/family and unwanted by my secret community I was just devastated. Fuck the world, I'll just game and eat. Which is what I did. My only joy in life was video games and food. I ballooned up to 400lbs.

One day I learned there was a small subsection of people in the gay community that liked fat guys. Some like bears, some like chubby guys and some liked "chubs and superchubs" Which I found out is what I am labeled. "Chasers" like the chubs and superchubs. I downloaded chasabl and growlr and actually got some nice conversations with people. Sure it was them acting on a kink/fetish but it was literally the only time I ever ever ever felt even remotely desirable in any way. My first compliments and seen as someone "sexy" it was so much. I eventually made a friend on there and he made me feel like I deserve to be loved. I should love my body and myself. Only then after being exposed to a loving community who saw me as a whole person did I feel like I should take care of myself. I recently was losing weight and going to the gym. But covid put a stop to the gym. Being cooped up in my room is instilling old habits with nothing to distract me from my food addiction. But the love and kindness I received truly helped change my core and I feel as soon as its open again or even some other arrangements will be made for me to get right back into a more healthy lifestyle. Its so tough though and a little understanding and empathy goes a long way to help.

But all the years of shaming and depression and anxiety is still there. There is no way someone was or is obese and doesn't have self esteem issues. It's impossible. And some formerly obese people take those issues out on others out of fear of regressing themselves. To feel superior they bully and shame others. It doesn't work. To subject someone else to such torment because you can't handle your own self esteem issues is abhorrent. But that's what you get in today's society with a lack of empathy. People cannot understand unless they have it actively happen to themselves and the few that shaming worked on themselves incorrectly apply it to everyone else. AKA not true empathy.

Okay I rambled on way too long. I just felt the need to just spill. I hope this is coherent and not just a mess of words spilled on a page.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm really sorry you've been through so much. Wishing you endless love and kindness

 

[Big_a_20]

Ironic to discover this thread just now. This morning I posted a blog entry dealing with my losing weight and rediscovering my self-confidence.

My job recently changed because of the coronavirus, and I'm having to work a lot harder physically in this role than the one I was actually hired to do. The result of which has been a marked decrease in weight and an increase in muscle tone.

This is not to brag or pretend that there's an easy solution. I've been as high as 265 pounds in the last decade. With all the wonderful heath problems associated with it - and I'm still fighting diabetes and high blood pressure. I've been fighting the same fight for decades. As has my wife.

A few years ago I tried injections, and over the years just about every fad and food program there is. My problem is that I go right back to drinking wine and booze, and eating things like pizza. And watching tv.

And something I noted in the blog is the significant impact losing the weight has had on my psyche. My self-esteem is definitely much better than it was just a few months ago. If you've never been fat you cannot know the drain it has on your self-respect and confidence. Whether you're a fit person saying it's just a matter of eating right and working out, or a fat person saying "accept yourself" you're missing the main point: I want to look and feel better and I'm embarrassed that I don't. It's just not a switch you can turn off and on.

In my case circumstances have led to things which improved my health, but not by design. I didn't set out to lose more fat - I was unhappily cruising around 230-235 for the last year. Without the work change I'd still be around that same weight. I know it sounds weird to say that, but if it were simply a matter of self-control I wouldn't be a 59 year old with three decades of health issues and weight problems behind me.

I was a former athlete. I know how to be fit. That's not the issue. The psychology that goes along with being fat is the issue.

And that's something few people who haven't fought the fight get.

I've got a long way to go and may not make it. I've had too many times when I made great progress only to fall back. But boy do I get the damage that does to my state of mind. More power to you Maria. Thanks for starting this thread.

I think this is a great thing for people to read to prove the point that being overweight affects you physically and mentally. Def keep up the great work because it makes you happy, that’s all that matters!!

 

[MisterB]

Moderator Notice​

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A lot of post content that was deleted was determined NOT to contribute to the thread's tone set by the Originating Poster's first post. If anyone has any doubt about what this thread is about, see Post #1.

Going forward, let's be respectful. If you cannot make your point without being snarky, combative or otherwise negative, please DO NOT POST in this thread.

Future Reports of the same behavior may result in action being taken against specific Members. Including suspension of your account.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation going forward.

MisterB
Moderator

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Moderator Notice​

We've received several Reports about this thread. As a result, I did a lot of housekeeping and cleanup.

A lot of post content that was deleted was determined NOT to contribute to the thread's tone set by the Originating Poster's first post. If anyone has any doubt about what this thread is about, see Post #1.

Going forward, let's be respectful. If you cannot make your point without being snarky, combative or otherwise negative, please DO NOT POST in this thread.

Future Reports of the same behavior may result in action being taken against specific Members. Including suspension of your account.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation going forward.

MisterB
Moderator

I apologize for my behavior.