I haven't written a post on LPSG in a long time so forgive me if I'm a little out of practice. I've found myself in one of, if not the most peculiar situation I have ever personally been in. I've decided to share to get some advice- the situation is so off the beaten path the internet is a reasonable place to turn for ideas.
Alright, so a little over a year ago, a new guy shows up at work. I think he's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen with my own two eyes (though that is something I would later find I was in the minority on.) He worked in my department so I befriended him and kind of tried showing him the ropes of what we do... more so than I would have had I not found him attractive. He turned out to be clever, charming and a little melancholy- so pretty much perfect for me. Unfortunately he also turned out to be married. (To someone who also works for our company but in a different department.) That, for me, has been a universal "walk away" sort of situation as it isn't my fantasy to "turn" anyone or be a marriage wrecker- I'm not that hot and the thrill just isn't there for me the way it is for some. So, after just hanging out at work, I pretty much poured water on the fire and left it alone.
Flash forward to 6 months later. This dude and I haven't really spoken much. Outside of work specific conversation there wasn't any need for us to do so. I guess I was feeling lonely or bored or both in some combination and I invited him outside to smoke with me. That was the moment that led to everything else. We talked more and decided we liked each other enough that we should hang out. His only stipulation was that his wife came along because he didn't go to social events without her. I said that was fine and a few nights later they came over to my place for drinks and a little music.
2 months later and we've spent a good majority of the Summer hanging out with each other, the three of us, in combination with some of their other friends. We'd drink, play games, listen to music, go on "adventures" (meaning walks through their neighborhood), discuss various media, swim- whatever. During those two months a pattern developed where she would go to sleep much earlier than the two of us ever wanted to- hours and hours before. Well, he and I continued to drink which ended with me asleep spooned to him on the couch. We didn't kiss or jerk each other off or anything overtly sexual but it was definitely cuddling, which I justified as just a need for human contact and he justified as... not getting that from anyone else in his life for a while (their marriage has some stresses on it.) She knew about it but never really said anything- such was the nature of our friendship.
1 month later (and here's where you're all going to start rolling your eyes) we moved into a place together- this married couple and myself. They had a lot to learn about just maintaining a house, keeping it clean, etc. and I honestly needed the company (I was promoted and now work from home so I don't even see co-workers very often anymore.) The trend continued with the drinking and cuddling. One night, as I think was inevitable, it escalated further than that.
And then the conversation was launched... it was decided, between the three of us, after the most awkward conversation I have ever had, that we would try messing around with each other and just see where it went. That never actually materialized because after almost getting there, I declared that I didn't want to be a sex toy that they just broke out when they were in the mood- I'm more emotional than that and I don't think that's what I was after (though what exactly I was after is still unclear.) So, after another few weeks of weirdness, we decided that we would enter this as a literal three way relationship. I've slept in their bed a couple of times now (and by sleep, I mean that literally- I've slept there) and I guess I'm on the verge of putting this thing to rest... but something is wrong.
The last four nights I haven't been able to go in there. I'm in a place where I almost don't even want to speak to them during the day time. We're still watching tv together in the evenings and eating together but after that's done I always want to retire to my room now- at this point I don't even want to cuddle. What has happened here? I'm not an especially moral or religious person so I don't think it's that. I feel guilty that I went from "walk away" from this to "join in a three way" in just a year but... it isn't like anyone was manipulated into any of this.
I guess I'm afraid that this is classically me behavior where I only ever want what I can't have and if I suddenly can have it, I don't want it anymore. That would be the worst case scenario but I don't think that's it either. It feels deeper than that.
I love these two people. I loved them... long before anything at all physical had happened and I'm not the sort of person that has a lot of friends. Is there anyway this ends happily? Do these sorts of situations ever work out?
Thanks for letting me vent.
Alright, so a little over a year ago, a new guy shows up at work. I think he's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen with my own two eyes (though that is something I would later find I was in the minority on.) He worked in my department so I befriended him and kind of tried showing him the ropes of what we do... more so than I would have had I not found him attractive. He turned out to be clever, charming and a little melancholy- so pretty much perfect for me. Unfortunately he also turned out to be married. (To someone who also works for our company but in a different department.) That, for me, has been a universal "walk away" sort of situation as it isn't my fantasy to "turn" anyone or be a marriage wrecker- I'm not that hot and the thrill just isn't there for me the way it is for some. So, after just hanging out at work, I pretty much poured water on the fire and left it alone.
Flash forward to 6 months later. This dude and I haven't really spoken much. Outside of work specific conversation there wasn't any need for us to do so. I guess I was feeling lonely or bored or both in some combination and I invited him outside to smoke with me. That was the moment that led to everything else. We talked more and decided we liked each other enough that we should hang out. His only stipulation was that his wife came along because he didn't go to social events without her. I said that was fine and a few nights later they came over to my place for drinks and a little music.
2 months later and we've spent a good majority of the Summer hanging out with each other, the three of us, in combination with some of their other friends. We'd drink, play games, listen to music, go on "adventures" (meaning walks through their neighborhood), discuss various media, swim- whatever. During those two months a pattern developed where she would go to sleep much earlier than the two of us ever wanted to- hours and hours before. Well, he and I continued to drink which ended with me asleep spooned to him on the couch. We didn't kiss or jerk each other off or anything overtly sexual but it was definitely cuddling, which I justified as just a need for human contact and he justified as... not getting that from anyone else in his life for a while (their marriage has some stresses on it.) She knew about it but never really said anything- such was the nature of our friendship.
1 month later (and here's where you're all going to start rolling your eyes) we moved into a place together- this married couple and myself. They had a lot to learn about just maintaining a house, keeping it clean, etc. and I honestly needed the company (I was promoted and now work from home so I don't even see co-workers very often anymore.) The trend continued with the drinking and cuddling. One night, as I think was inevitable, it escalated further than that.
And then the conversation was launched... it was decided, between the three of us, after the most awkward conversation I have ever had, that we would try messing around with each other and just see where it went. That never actually materialized because after almost getting there, I declared that I didn't want to be a sex toy that they just broke out when they were in the mood- I'm more emotional than that and I don't think that's what I was after (though what exactly I was after is still unclear.) So, after another few weeks of weirdness, we decided that we would enter this as a literal three way relationship. I've slept in their bed a couple of times now (and by sleep, I mean that literally- I've slept there) and I guess I'm on the verge of putting this thing to rest... but something is wrong.
The last four nights I haven't been able to go in there. I'm in a place where I almost don't even want to speak to them during the day time. We're still watching tv together in the evenings and eating together but after that's done I always want to retire to my room now- at this point I don't even want to cuddle. What has happened here? I'm not an especially moral or religious person so I don't think it's that. I feel guilty that I went from "walk away" from this to "join in a three way" in just a year but... it isn't like anyone was manipulated into any of this.
I guess I'm afraid that this is classically me behavior where I only ever want what I can't have and if I suddenly can have it, I don't want it anymore. That would be the worst case scenario but I don't think that's it either. It feels deeper than that.
I love these two people. I loved them... long before anything at all physical had happened and I'm not the sort of person that has a lot of friends. Is there anyway this ends happily? Do these sorts of situations ever work out?
Thanks for letting me vent.
JSZ