If this happens to you over and over its because YOU Are choosing the wrong women.
Women do this all the time to themselves.... they claim they want a kind and generous man, but, in reality, the only men that make them wet are assholes.
They reel from one sad, tragic relationship to the next, unwilling or unable to recognize or alter the fact that the traits they find attractive and are sexually drawn to PRECLUDE the finer traits they claim to be seeking.
YOu need to sit down and address that you clearly have a superficial criteria for selecting women. I can tell by your comments that you place appearance first... and not just a well put together frame and pleasant face... but probably a very specific look... a very specific dress and a very specific behavior.
As an example not necessarily applying to you..., upon reflection a guy may find that he tended to look for women in nightclubs, and only approach those who he can see like to drink and party and have a good time, who dress in extremely attention getting outfits, and get all their drinks bought for them. He may tend to lose interest in any woman who won't put out in the first couple dates...
If this were the case, then He would be preselecting women for traits that may be sexy and fun... but that are incompatible with the class and loyalty he claimed to yearn.
( again- just an example... not saying this is the kind you go for)
What I am saying ios that anytime you see a repeating pattern like this affecting you... that it is YOU and your strategies that are generating this pattern.
ALL women are not as you have experienced. In fact FEW women are.
So your repeated experiences reflect something about you, not women in general.
You need to dispassionately examine your own actions and choices and try to identify the pattern of behavior on your part that is resulting in the pattern of women you are dating.
Then you need to consciously CHANGE that strategy... look for women in entirely different circumstances.
You claim you can't tell up front until you go down the road... but that is not true... you are simply dismissing the reality that the very traits that lead you to ask a girl out ARE the traits that presage the disloyalty and manipulativeness you abhor.
(hint- drop dead gorgeous women are almost always manipulative, because they CAN be )
Try and adjust your response to find other traits attractive... And start to think about the traits that used to turn you on as being like warning flags of all the traits you want to avoid.
However, recognize that MOST men so concerned with not being "whipped" or "controlled" are actually insecure ASSHOLES.
A good woman will want you to spend time with her and to prefer time with her, to you spending time with the guys you used to go out pussy hunting with.
A good woman will try to influence you to mature and leave behind the drunken partying and hijinx and start focusing on building a future for her and your children.
That is not necessarily controlling... its supportive and encouraging of you to achieve.
There is a fine line between preserving your freedom... and holding the woman in your life at arms' length.
The woman in your life should be your best friend, far more so than any male you have ever known.
But if you are tossing her aside and running off with your loser buddies just to "prove" she's not the boss of you... then you need to grow up some more... you may not yet be ready to have that good wife and shoulder the responsibilities of being a man.