Time to Give Up?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by goodwood, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. goodwood

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    Over the holiday at my parents house i came across a photo of me at my college graduation sitting on a sofa with at the time, two ex girlfriends.
    They were both beautiful, wonderful people and very good in bed, but time and circumstance didn't work out. This has been the case with every girlfriend/fiance i have ever had. It made me wonder if I should just give up and forget about finding a mrs. and having children and settle for random hook up sex and resign myself to not having what i want the most.
    Is there a time to give up or not? Just keep trying? It's getting pretty old and exhausting.
     
  2. WellHung83

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    Don't give up hope man, but I think you need to just relax and go with the flow more and not try to bend destiny to your will. If it will happen it will happen, but in the meantime just enjoy life and everything it has to offer :)
     
  3. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Maybe, you should stop and ponder why it is that these relationships don't work out. Maybe, there is something that could change, and you'd find the one.
     
  4. goodwood

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    thanks guys. i HAVE thought about why all past relationships haven't worked out. it is very simple. I have been lied to, betrayed and i will not tolerate that.
    every woman i have ever dated has sought to control me, my thoughts, my friends, my time, etc. and that is unacceptable to me because i am not a controlling person and have never, ever sought to control anyone i have been with.
    So, if i wanted to be pussy whipped i could have been married 2o times over - and DIVORCED. not having it. I keep hoping to find a woman that is completely settled and at peace and confident in herself and apparently this is some wild fantasy that such a woman exists among others.
     
  5. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Maybe, you should stop and ponder why it is you are drawn to said type of woman? That might be where the answer lies.
    I have dealt a lot with my past and figured out why I was attracted to certain types, and why I did certain things. It sure has helped get rid of drama.
     
  6. goodwood

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    i am atracted to beautiful women that are socially ept
    sanguine, gracious, kind, thoughtful, etc. the problem
    arises when i realize they are not actually those things.
    there is no way to know this until the road has been gone
    down.
    conversely, i am not going to date ugly, socially inept women
    hoping to find 'the one'.
     
  7. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    At no time did I suggest you date anyone you find unattractive. However, the women you do date should be giving off some kind of clues. After you've been out on a dozen dates or so, you should be picking up on some clues. For some reason, we tend to not notice the clues. If my mother had paid attention, she'd have realized my dad was a jerk. She had early warning signs but chose not to recognize them.
     
  8. goodwood

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    thanks hootie.
    yes. i do realize the signs and when and as soon as i do, i end it. that is why i am not much married and divorced.
     
  9. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I notice a lot of warning signs, and I run like hell! I don't lie to myself. Hmmm they look good, sure wish I was married, ummm they are crazy. Bye.
     
  10. nudeyorker

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    Relationships don't work out so that you can learn the lesson and move on to find the person you are supposed to be with. Don't ever give up!
     
  11. goodwood

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    thanks nudeyorker for the encouragement. sigh.
    feel free to pre-screen beautiful women that are
    extraordinary people and would be be fantastic
    mothers of my children and sexually fantastic with me.
    pimp me out man! lol.
     
  12. nudeyorker

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    You have to do this yourself... Someday you are going to think about what I said when you know you are with the right person. And you are going to say to her "I had to travel the roads and meet all of these other people and learn the lessons from those relationships to lead me to finding you!"
     
  13. goodwood

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    what? i have to pimp myself out - AGAIN? STILL? well you're no help. lol.
    no seriously - shop me around and see what you can some up with. hahaha
     
  14. Phil Ayesho

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    If this happens to you over and over its because YOU Are choosing the wrong women.

    Women do this all the time to themselves.... they claim they want a kind and generous man, but, in reality, the only men that make them wet are assholes.
    They reel from one sad, tragic relationship to the next, unwilling or unable to recognize or alter the fact that the traits they find attractive and are sexually drawn to PRECLUDE the finer traits they claim to be seeking.

    YOu need to sit down and address that you clearly have a superficial criteria for selecting women. I can tell by your comments that you place appearance first... and not just a well put together frame and pleasant face... but probably a very specific look... a very specific dress and a very specific behavior.

    As an example not necessarily applying to you..., upon reflection a guy may find that he tended to look for women in nightclubs, and only approach those who he can see like to drink and party and have a good time, who dress in extremely attention getting outfits, and get all their drinks bought for them. He may tend to lose interest in any woman who won't put out in the first couple dates...

    If this were the case, then He would be preselecting women for traits that may be sexy and fun... but that are incompatible with the class and loyalty he claimed to yearn.

    ( again- just an example... not saying this is the kind you go for)
    What I am saying ios that anytime you see a repeating pattern like this affecting you... that it is YOU and your strategies that are generating this pattern.
    ALL women are not as you have experienced. In fact FEW women are.
    So your repeated experiences reflect something about you, not women in general.


    You need to dispassionately examine your own actions and choices and try to identify the pattern of behavior on your part that is resulting in the pattern of women you are dating.


    Then you need to consciously CHANGE that strategy... look for women in entirely different circumstances.

    You claim you can't tell up front until you go down the road... but that is not true... you are simply dismissing the reality that the very traits that lead you to ask a girl out ARE the traits that presage the disloyalty and manipulativeness you abhor.

    (hint- drop dead gorgeous women are almost always manipulative, because they CAN be )

    Try and adjust your response to find other traits attractive... And start to think about the traits that used to turn you on as being like warning flags of all the traits you want to avoid.

    However, recognize that MOST men so concerned with not being "whipped" or "controlled" are actually insecure ASSHOLES.

    A good woman will want you to spend time with her and to prefer time with her, to you spending time with the guys you used to go out pussy hunting with.
    A good woman will try to influence you to mature and leave behind the drunken partying and hijinx and start focusing on building a future for her and your children.
    That is not necessarily controlling... its supportive and encouraging of you to achieve.

    There is a fine line between preserving your freedom... and holding the woman in your life at arms' length.

    The woman in your life should be your best friend, far more so than any male you have ever known.

    But if you are tossing her aside and running off with your loser buddies just to "prove" she's not the boss of you... then you need to grow up some more... you may not yet be ready to have that good wife and shoulder the responsibilities of being a man.
     
    #14 Phil Ayesho, Dec 28, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2008
  15. open501s

    open501s Member

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    I've found the best way to get into a relationship is to not look for one.
     
  16. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

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    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    It's best when your not looking. It will come to you when you least expect it.
     
  17. goodwood

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    mylipswet - i think you are right. the last one that i was engaged to, she came to me and i was not looking for anything at all. i was caught up in my own stuff at the time and then, there she was.
     
  18. Amber1

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    I wonder if problem lies here (i.e: in the list you made above) more and more I am finding that men seem to have a fixed list of qualities in their heads which they want a woman to conform to.

    However, if we show any signs at the early stages of not fitting into these roles that you have cast for us then men automatically seem to presume that we are in some way wrong/cannot be "the one"!!!

    Like if we are too keen then we MUST be desperate....therefore we must pretend to be busy at all times (even when we are not) incase we don't appear a challenge to you.

    And if we show any signs of jealousy then we must be potential bunnyboilers.....And if we ever get angry ( i.e: the slight hump) then we must all be mad axe murderers...I mean god forbid we might be havin an off day/have our period!!!???

    And if we make a shit joke cos we are nervous....well then we must be socially inept....therefore nullifying our whole sense of humour prior to said shit joke!!!


    My point is this!!!

    I am not attacking YOU personally...or sayin you are like that....

    Its just that in my experience women will often make a lot more excuses for men when they first meet them/give them more of a chance, what with being the more sympathetic compassionate sex!!

    Whereas guys in my experience especially when they first meet women seem to have such a checklist...and expect soooo much that its ridiculous. Its like women are expected to be these beautiful, aloof, totally independant human beings, who although you want us to feel need you "for our protection" actually require nothin from you.....

    And will never suggest commitment at any stage, lest we should seem desperate and frighten you off!!

    Basically you want us to be a total contradiction in terms and superhuman....

    ITS ALL BOLLOX

    We are human just like you...

    WE WANT THE SAME THINGS YOU DO!!!!

    you just make us pretend like we dont!!!




    Err just incase that is where you are going wrong?? :biggrin1:

    Good luck with your search!!!!



     
  19. goodwood

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    Amber, love -
    thank you for your thoughts. i am happy to hear them.
    we all have some sort of idea of what we would like in a mate.
    it's a place to start. we all have to start somewhere.
    i know for a fact that women have standards as far as men ar concerned and i am not the least bit surprised if i don't pass muster with any given woman.
    my deal is that i am disappointed when women put up such high walls and refuse to let me behind them, even a little. and then wonder why i leave. i want to know and understand but i can't do that if i am not allowed to.
    with an intitial check list, what i need the most is a deeply emotional, mental and personal connection (with very good physical chemistry).
    i give everything of myself and my soul and hold nothing back. when women withold of themselves from me, and don't trust me (or themselves) things simply cannot work.

     
  20. Amber1

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    Ah lol,

    Well I just posted it there for everyone to read....it just sort of came out really....

    I wasn't saying you were like that....

    Just giving a womens point of view!!

    Well if you aren't one of these silly overly fussy men (which you don't sound like) then good luck to you!!!

    And yes it is frustrating when people put on a silly front, I mean everyone does it a bit with new people....but I am very much myself with people too!!

    So I know what you mean...and worst of all is gettin down the road and finding out someone is a complete and utter peice of shit!!!! Like in my latest post!!!

    Best of luck to you...you will get there!!! Genuine laydeez do exist!! xx


     
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